February 6, 2010

Wii Fit Plus

Okay, so I promised over at the Facebook that I would give a review of my new Wii Fit Plus after I tried it out. (Click any image to enlarge.)

(How cool is it that Archie can be a Mii now, rather than just being a lump on the floor at home while I train?)

Well, it's day three. And I'm obsessed.

Of course, I was obsessed with the Wii Fit (regular) too, so this shouldn't come as a surprise. I do loves me 1's and 0's that are put in order just to motivate me!

So, today I snapped some photos during my workout, and today was the first time I tried out the pre-programmed workouts that are designed to target certain areas.

One of the options--like Catherine mentioned to me on Facebook--is to combine some of these 12 groups of three exercises each, into a personalized workout that flows from one exercise to the next, without having to stop and prompt to move ahead (which was, truly, a time suck on the Wii Fit).

So, despite the caution by the Wii Fit Plus that I'd created "too long" a program (39 minutes), I went ahead and hit START (and then ended up adding another seven minutes onto my workout at the end, so I could do three more things I enjoy but that weren't offered in my combo program).

Time to train!

Checking my balance using the pressure bar during the warrior yoga pose.

OMG, this is so cute. I'm dressed up as a bird. I'm going to fly to a cruiseship. (I've decided it's our SMFA Seminars cruise!) I love the penguin costume I get to wear in the old fish-catching exercise. This one is crazy fun too.

I do love the advanced step class. I do this one every day, anyway. Usually several times in a row.

Time for a snowball fight! I love this one, even though I'm not very good at it. Yet. (You were right, Holly. It's a blast!)

Detailed instructions on how to do one of the new exercises added to the mix. (This one is hard!)

Okay, this is one of my new favorite exercises. It's Kung Fu Rhythm. I love this! I get to do punches and kicks along with my fellow Miis.

So pretty! Time for a rhythm parade. :)

Can't tell for sure, but it looks like my yoga trainer has been revamped to have a healthier-sized booty.

My programmed workout is over. I love that the Wii Fit Plus asks for feedback. (But my only answer option is the A button. Heh heh.)

After my programmed workout, I added some island cycling. I love this. It's like mountain biking, but with a lovely view! And Archie runs alongside me.

There's me on a Segway! I love this exercise. I chose to add this after the programmed workout, because it's fun, and it's a bit of a cool-down compared to the biking.

I'm nearing 100 total hours of working out with Wii Fit. That's so cool. If I click the piggy bank, it shows total calories burned too. Today? 161. Awesome.

One of the coolest parts of the Wii Fit Plus is this "switch" button that lets us trade off, if Keith and I both want to work out at the same time. We used to have back all the way out of the system to share workout time.

Now, we just switch to whomever wants to work out next.

This is Keith doing the "Perfect 10" workout. I love it. You have to hit the bumpers with your hips to add up to ten. (He also really loves the flapping bird exercise and, of course, golf. He's playing that one a lot. It analyzes his swing.)

After three days, I'm sore. Good sore. Reminiscent of when I first started the old Wii Fit (and then the Jillian Michaels' 2009 Wii Fit Ultimatum) sore.

That's fun. Because I had gotten a bit "over" my Wii Fit routine (and let it sleep, like above), but had begun using it daily again to try and rehab my ankle after having sprained it in Australia late last year.

And now, my arms are sore from flapping like a bird. My thighs are sore from steering a Segway. My calves are sore from mountain biking. My glutes are really feeling everything. This is kind of nice. I'm using different parts of my body again, and enjoying the feeling of that. Also totally motivated to cut way back on my daily caloric intake (I've already been counting calories for over a year now with the help of the Lose It app for my iPhone, but when I'm feeling good work happening, I'm somehow even more interested in keeping my calories low each day). At least so far. ;)

So, my review of results will be coming. (The above is from 2008, when I had just started.) I keep moving my weightloss goal down, so I keep not reaching it, but I'm thrilled with all I've been able to do in just over two years already. Hoping to be at my current goal weight by my 40th birthday (in five months). Looks like Wii Fit Plus will be a big help in getting me there.

Posted by bonnie at 10:27 PM | Comments (2)

July 6, 2009

Living Gluten-Free

The following was originally posted on December 19, 2006, but I've made adjustments now that I've been gluten-free for 4.5 years (and I've lost 65 pounds too), and for some reason, can't get the updates to show up on the old entry, no matter how many times I republish the entry. :\

So, here's the latest. :)

Enjoy!
-Bon.

On 12/16/06 11:44 AM, Claude wrote:

> Dawn told me that you have been on a gluten free diet and that it's
> prevented migraines. I have a chronic problem with migraines and would like
> to ask you about this. Would it be okay to call you over the weekend? If so,
> what # should I call?

Hi Claude,

I suffered from migraines (about four a year or so) from the age of 17 to the age of 32. At age 33 and 34, I started having ten or more debilitating migraines per year. I was bed-ridden and in a really bad way, by the end of 2004. Clearly, they were getting worse and my work was suffering.

I also have OCD and it was getting worse, which is odd, as it usually improves with age. Additionally, I had gained a LOT of weight in 2004. No change in diet or exercise, just a big weight gain in a very short period of time.

What led me to the gluten-free way of life was the fact that, coming off a very bad week-long migraine in early November 2004, my joints were in excruciating pain. I was trying to transcribe the interviews for my third book, and my hands were cramping up, wrists were terribly inflamed, and I was just in a lot of pain. I posted to a private message board online (membership of actors whom I advise on their careers), asking if anyone had any advice for how I could get my joints to stop aching long enough to finish the book.

An actor friend of mine started asking me questions: "Bon, you just came off a migraine didn't you?" "Yes." "And you've put on weight." "Yes." "Have you been checked for celiac disease? Or at least a gluten intolerance?" "What?!?" I had never heard of any of that, so it seemed very odd. But I was in a lot of pain, so I began to do some research.

Sure enough, wheat gluten has been linked to everything from OCD to migraines to drastic change in weight to autism. It's actually VERY common to have a gluten intolerance, but in the American diet, it's not something that the FDA would ever want explored or widely tested. See, we live on GRAINS and to tell 15% of the population to stop eating wheat gluten would cause a major blow to the industry. But in other countries, they actually TEST for celiac disease in childhood, and the availability of gluten-free foods is VASTLY superior to what we have access to here.

Okay, so in December of 2004, I decided I had nothing to lose, so I went off wheat gluten (the non-medical way to "test" for a gluten intolerance is to take yourself OFF wheat gluten for two weeks and then have a very high-gluten meal to see if you have a severe reaction). For two weeks, I was incredibly healthy. Lots of energy, no joint pain, no migraines, nada. When I had gluten two weeks later, I not only got sick to my stomach (loads of abdominal distress), but I broke out in a rash around my lips and got very swimmy-headed. I decided that cutting out wheat gluten would be an easy thing to do, especially if it would solve my joint pain, migraines, and maybe even correct the sudden weight gain I'd experienced in 2004.

So, now that I've been off gluten for nearly two years, I can tell you the following:

I have not had a single migraine in two years (after having had a dozen in each of the years 2003 and 2004), my fingernails and hair have grown long and strong (healthier than ever), my skin looks great, my joints are fine, and my weight is beginning to stabilize (takes a lot of time, though, when you put on that much in such a short time). Point is, I am healthier now than I have ever been, and I credit that ALL to having cut out wheat gluten.

Here's the theory behind it:

The human digestive system has been around for three million years. Wheat gluten was introduced to the human diet about ten thousand years ago. We are not all so easily adaptive as to have the means to break down "new" foods (some human digestive systems do better than others). It's the same way that processed foods don't work for some people or that alcohol doesn't work within certain cultures who had alcohol introduced late into their evolution.

Since I now know my body does not process the protein of wheat gluten efficiently (and it may have done so, for the first 30 years of my life, but then reached a tolerance level of something it couldn't break down well and then shut off, causing the symptoms described above), I have to look at gluten as a poison to my system.

Yes, I *can* have gluten, but it's a choice that could make me very sick. Especially now that gluten has been out of my system for so long, even a little bit of it can really send me into a day of severe illness (like an allergic reaction).

It took a few months for me to really get the hang of it. Gluten is in EVERYTHING, it seems (since wheat is a common thickener in most processed foods), but if you start out going "all natural," that helps a great deal, as foods that aren't processed pretty much CAN'T have gluten in them. Eventually, I got brave about going to restaurants and asking for what I needed. Amazingly, most restaurants are educating their staff about gluten allergies and everyone has been very good about making sure I don't get sick. Some restaurants even pride themselves on their gluten-free menus!

I have a TON of websites to send you to. One of them has a printable allergy card that you can take with you to restaurants, so that they'll know exactly what you can and cannot have. Some celiacs are very sensitive to cross contamination (like, if your wife were to make a sandwich on the counter and leave crumbs and you were to later cut up an apple on that area of the counter, you could get "glutened") and some are not (like, if you order a salad with dressing that happened to be thickened with gluten, you can tell within the first bite or two that you're not going to be able to eat it, but you won't get violently ill or anything, so it doesn't have to keep you from enjoying the rest of your meal out--you just don't finish the salad).

I'm a member of a few discussion groups online that have been very helpful. They have regular gatherings of gluten-free folks both online and in person, to share ideas for good places to eat, ways to make your own kitchen "safe," and doctor referrals, etc. I think we're very lucky to be in a community where food allergies are understood and there are many options for us to still live normally. Middle America is still just learning about this stuff.

I mentioned restaurants with gluten-free menus. Well, PF Chang's is one of the best. Its gluten-free menu has MANY items on it! It's great! I also love going to Planet RAW because there is not a single thing on their menu that I could EVER eat that would cause me to get glutened.

There were some labeling laws passed in late 2005 so now everything that has wheat gluten in it must say so on the label. That's very helpful! (Because before that, "modified food starch" could be listed as an ingredient, and unless you knew for sure that it was corn starch vs. processed wheat gluten, you couldn't safely eat it. Now they *have to* spell it out.)

Whole Foods is a good store. They have pamphlets at the entrance with guides to gluten free items. Even better is Wild Oats, as they put big stickers right on the shelves next to the price of each item that say GLUTEN FREE. Very easy. Trader Joes also takes good care of its gluten-free customers.

Okay, that's enough to get you started. Now I'll share a whole bunch of web links with you, for your year-end reading. Please let me know if you have any questions. I was very nervous but excited two years ago this month, as I hoped we had found the cure to my most debilitating chronic illness. And, I'm here to tell you two years later that we DID. And it continues to be very exciting. I love being migraine free!!

Good luck!

Great articles:
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~coeliac/sprue.html
http://www.diesel-ebooks.com/cgi-bin/chapter.pl?isbn=9780471773832

Eating guides/food lists/lots of links within each page:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/specialdiets/overviews/gluten-free.html
http://www.wildoats.com/u/health100071
http://forums.delphiforums.com/n/mb/list.asp?webtag=celiac&ctx=1048576&cacheTag=x34-39 (also support forums)

Support forums:
http://www.celiacforums.com
http://www.glutenfreeforum.com/index.php?act=idx
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SillyYaks

Gluten-free Cooking School:
http://www.glutenfreecookingschool.com/archives/starting-a-gluten-free-diet-free-menu-plan

Local information:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Los_Angeles_Celiac

My favorite magazine:
http://livingwithout.com

My bestie's gluten-free blog:
http://glutenfreeanna.blogspot.com

Have fun!
--
Bon
http://cricketfeet.com
Showfax.com Column! http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice

"Any time I see someone succeed I am happy, for it affirms my belief that I live in a world where success is possible." -- 20 August 2004

Posted by bonnie at 7:16 PM | Comments (0)

February 7, 2009

'80s Then and '80s Now

So, we went to an '80s party last night.

Click to enlarge.

We also went to an '80s party three years ago.

Click to enlarge.

Can you see the 55 pounds I've lost in the past year? Where'd they go? Hee! I love this. I'm gonna be the hottest 40-year-old ever!

Just 15 pounds to go 'til GOAL. And then I'll be back at my "actor weight."

Smokin' hot. So, check back for happy birthday photos in a few months. (No, I'm not turning 40 this year. I plan to reach goal weight by this summer and maintain for a year. Believe it.)

My secret?

Make good choices more often than bad choices. And make the good choices better than the bad choices are bad. Repeat. :) It's really quite simple. It's kind of like life.

Posted by bonnie at 2:17 PM | Comments (6)

August 4, 2008

21 Days of Wii Fit

Okay, so 21 days ago, I got my belated birthday gift of a Wii Fit.

I still so love it.

And folks asked whether it was worth the $600 for the "bundle" of Wii plus Wii Fit.

I seriously love it.

You tell me.

21 Days of Wii Fit

I'm so in love with Wii Fit!

Seriously, y'all. With absolutely NO change in my diet AT ALL, these are my results after 21 days of daily Wii Fit action. I do anywhere from 60 to 120 minutes per day, usually hitting the 60 to 75 minute area. My worst "Wii Fit Age" (on the day I started) was 49 (11 years older than I actually am) and my best was 23. Today's was 28. I tend to hover between 24 and 32.

I LOVE my Wii Fit!

So. Is it worth it?

Uh... yeah. ;) Definitely.

Posted by bonnie at 11:45 AM | Comments (5)

June 19, 2008

Phew!

I am 100% healthy!

What a fucking month!

Note to all: When they tell you that you might have cancer and subject you to a litany of tests, just ask everyone you know to send good, healthy vibes your way. Do everything you can to stay positive even though you want to cry and cry and cry all the time. Heck, go ahead and cry and then choose a better emotion, even for a moment. That COUNTS. That HELPS.

And then show up with your bestest friend and trust that you're going to hear good news because it's the only thing your spirit will allow.

And then accept it and celebrate because, dammit, you're NOT goin' out like that!!!!

Hallelujah!

Thank you, everyone! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Posted by bonnie at 9:19 PM | Comments (14)

June 8, 2008

Well, hello! :)

So, hi there. :) And thanks for all of the great and awesome vibes. The not un-scary thing from Thursday morning is done and now we wait. So, if you want to point the prayers, white light, candles, good vibes, and positivity in the direction of the afternoon of the 19th when test results are in, that would be most appreciated.

As for the wonderful, well-meaning folks who chose to "try and figure out what's going on" rather than simply sending the vibes along as requested, well, I guess I can at least say that I was entertained when I turned on my computer today for the first time since Wednesday night to learn:

PERISH THE THOUGHT! My rack is flawless, thank you very much!

Anyway, that was mildly entertaining as annoyances go. ;) So, I guess... thanks.

And please know--as public a person as I am, as OUT about my life as I am--when I choose to play something a little close to the vest, there is a reason for it and I would appreciate that you respect that choice. :) THANK YOU.

So, I'm part-time back at "work" and I'm glad I cleared off as many days as I did. Yes, this was a medical thing and I have to tell you I have learned that there are two kinds of medical experiences and I prefer one FAR above the other.

  1. You feel like crap. You go in. You tell them about the problem. They do stuff. You go home. You feel better soon.
  2. You feel fine. You go in. They tell you about a problem. They do stuff. You go home. You feel like you've been hit by a bus for three days.

Bleh. And then, bonus!! You get to wait for a couple of weeks to find out "what's wrong." Yay! :)

(I am soooooo pelting positivity around this room with every sarcastic eyebrow raise and mouth squinch I give myself as I write this post!!! Hee!)

Okay, on to work. I have a column to turn in and a home to prep for an awesome nine year old who will be here in just a matter of days, helping me stay distracted and blissed out and in a constant state of PLAY, which sounds great to me! Hee!

Again, thanks everyone for the love and vibes. Means the world to me. As do y'all. :) Keep 'em comin' and we'll beat this thing into a non-thing with loads of goodness, baby! Yeah! :) Rock on!!!!!

XO
-Bon.

Posted by bonnie at 3:50 PM | Comments (8)

February 25, 2008

My life since 1am Thursday.

Sleep. Blow nose. Cough. NyQuil. Sleep. Blow nose. Dry heaves. Cry. NyQuil. Sleep. Blow nose. Hack up something really ugly. NyQuil. Sleep. Check email. Ignore phone ringing off hook. NyQuil. Sleep. Update showcase website. Check email. Have Keith handle as much of my job as he possibly can. NyQuil. Sleep. Blow nose. Hack up something really ugly. Moan. Cry. NyQuil. Sleep. Lose all sense of humor. Try to take a shower. Cry. NyQuil. Sleep. Cry. Try to eat. Bad idea. NyQuil. Sleep.

And now I HAVE TO leave the house for the first time since Wednesday night, still ignoring the mountain of calls and emails that have come in about casting gigs, producing issues, and even the bad-ass web series for the showcase; still relying on Keith to do most of the heavy lifting (even as he's back to work at CSI: Miami and running all over town for me and himself); and still saying NO to everything else I'm being asked to deal with tomorrow because I have TWO speaking engagements on Wednesday and no way to get out of those.

Conserving energy.

So, any of you who own stock in Puffs Plus with Aloe or NyQuil, be happy. I've gone through so much of your product in the past four and a half days that you are certainly very rich because of me.

I am the worst patient on the planet!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Hollywood Crud, be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Edited to add:]

Bonus! On endless loop in my head: "Boys in the Hood" by Dynamite Hack in a mash-up with "Buy Me a Rainbow" from that episode of The Family Guy in which Meg gets a makeover and the family starts up a singing-in-prisons tour. Niiiiice.

Posted by bonnie at 3:51 PM | Comments (4)

December 21, 2007

I just have to say...

...that I would rather have LASIK surgery again than get three teeth bonded.

Any day.

(PS--Thankee Uku, for the most awesome dentist. He's perfect for me.)

Posted by bonnie at 1:37 PM | Comments (3)

December 20, 2007

Son of a...!

So, I've been nursing a mildly annoying toothache for... um... like 18 months now. Mildly annoying, I can put up with for, apparently, a really long time.

Until it becomes a pain of the excruciating (i.e.: squirreled away Vicodin) variety.

That means, now, instead of trying to go to the "girly doctor" during early drop-in hours tomorrow, I get to try and go to the dentist.

Either way, tomorrow looks like F-U-N, huh?

So, please send good-health, pain-free vibes in a beachward direction.

And don't bother trying to call.

Turns out the phoneline will start working again, randomly, at some point after we call to cancel the technician they're gonna send out to inspect it (y'know, because we don't want to spend the $90 to bring 'em out here if the phoneline is working, nor waste anyone's time, so we'll cancel the guy), and then it will stop working again. (Could this setup ever produce a short during the rain? Nah!)

And now that we've cancelled the guy, it's gonna be MONDAY before he can come out.

Any thoughts on how I can:
1. not be in pain
2. be productive
3. stay motivated
4. get through the "dark days"
will be muchly appreciated.

("Dark Days," somehow, don't get easier each year, even though I think they should. This is the anniversary of the period of time between the last time I ever heard my mother's voice (before the morphine took away her ability to speak) and the day I flew back to be with her 'til she died... only she passed away before I got home.)

(Yes, I know I did the right thing. My mother encouraged me to go back to LA after having been with her during the first--only--parts of her treatment, so I could get my life in order--after having left town so quickly upon her diagnosis--and then stay with her for the estimated six weeks left in her life. Who knew she'd die so quickly? (Twenty days after diagnosis.) Maybe she did. And maybe that's why she took care of me by sending me to LA to take care of MY life instead of hers.)

*sigh*

Least favorite part of the year.
And bonus no phone.
And bonus toothache.
And bonus girly doctor plans.
And bonus lack of motivation to do anything other than whine and play computer solitaire.

Bleh.

I don't even like posting this blog entry. Bad hoo-doo.

Maybe it'll get me off my ass to do some work, just having this "out there."

Vicodin makes work a little more interesting, at least.

But right now I'm totally distracted by the very odd for-TV-edits they've done on Big.

*sigh*

Posted by bonnie at 9:09 PM | Comments (2)

May 6, 2007

Stop the bleeding!

Ugh! This is so annoying.

I've been dealing with some weird eye-twitch stuff for a few weeks now (not new to me, but new recently, as it's been a few years since this has persisted to this degree). Stress-related, blah blah blah.

Okay, so this morning, let's add a nosebleed, shall we?

And as it ends (finally), I hop in the shower to "start over" and reboot my day. Cool. Cut to ten minutes later. I'm going to eat a bite of food. Suddenly, there's blood everywhere. Again. Son of a FUCK, I am sooooooo over this!

Ugh! Okay, I get it! I'm overstressed! OKAY! I'm going to try and take some downtime. OKAY!!!!!!! Stop the bleeding! Sheeeeeeesh!

PS--Why hasn't anyone told me about the greatness that is Shear Genius on Bravo? What fun!

Posted by bonnie at 12:57 PM | Comments (2)

April 8, 2007

"I could eat about a million and a half of these."

Wasn't that a line from Forrest Gump? About his box of chocolates or somesuch?

Yeah.

I've found mine. It's pumpkin tortellini from Planet Raw.

That's them on the edge of the plate, covered in pureed beets. Delish!

Now, this isn't news--seeing as I raved about it (and the whole experience, really) when Shon and Jodi took me to lunch there last year--but lately I've become full-on addicted to these things. I could eat them non-stop.

Gosh... everything they make is so LOVELY.

And the best part of everything at Planet Raw is that *nothing* can make me "get glutened" in that place. Nothing. It's a very liberating feeling to know you're "eating safe," even when you didn't oversee food prep or whatever.

Oh, and another new favorite thing--which our rockstar El Cholo waitress recommended last week when I wistfully spoke about my love for the (seasonal) green corn tamales that "aren't ready" yet--is the shrimp tamale with an amazingly decadent sauce THAT HAS NO GLUTEN in it, either. Holy hell, that food is the YUMMMMMMM (and, even it is only available as a "special" certain nights of the week).

*sigh*

I could eat that non-stop too.

So, apparently one of the side-effects to this detox tea crap is MAJOR hungries. This did *not* happen with the other brand of detox tea (during which I ate nothing but soup and juices and teas and pickled ginger for two weeks). I was not at all ravenous. And now I am. Totally. And my head hurts.

Maybe this tea works better? Stronger? Faster? Eh... whatevs. I just really really really really really want to eat another hundred pumpkin tortellini and/or a pound or ten of shrimp tamale in cream sauce.

Damn. Cravings are WEIRD.

(No, I'm NOT pregnant. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. That's gross.)

Ooh... maybe soup is a good idea. With a ginger electrolyte smoothie. Yes. Let's have that.

Posted by bonnie at 3:57 AM | Comments (2)

March 11, 2007

I can't sleep.

And it's not the kind of "not sleeping thing" that I'm used to. It's that really annoying cycle of sleeplessness that I hit once a year or so, where I'm fatigued, mentally exhausted, physically worn down, and READY for sleep... and I can't get any sleep.

Yes, I've tried knocking myself out. I can get about 90 minutes of sleep if I dose up on NyQuil or muscle relaxers or gimlets. But it's not good sleep (and it's not enough sleep), so I figure WHY BOTHER?!? and get up to try and work some more.

But I'm too out of it to get any work done.

*sigh*

It's just annoying.

So, if I come off a little "off," please know that it's the fault of the lack of Zzz at this point. Keith tells me this happens every year or so and lasts a few days, until I just finally hit a wall and sleep for about 20 hours straight.

It has been awhile since I've done that, so hopefully it'll happen soon. Got a few meetings and TO DO stuffs for which I'd like to be past this weirdness. Ah, well... it's not up to me. My bod just DOES THIS sometimes. *sigh*

Posted by bonnie at 6:10 AM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2007

Kitchen Victories

Brace yourself. This is going to be a shocking blog entry for those of you who know my level of kitchen aptitude. But one of the things I wanted to start doing a couple of months ago was BRAVE THE KITCHEN in a bold way.

1.

I already have the challenge of living a gluten-free life (which is really not a challenge AT ALL when you consider the alternative. There simply will be NO gluten ingested. Illness I can opt out of, I'm gonna. Piece of cake, as decisions go) and on top of that I am kitchenphobic.

2.

I'm also trying to eat low-carb again, as that was some of the healthiest living I did a few years back (and I was smokin' hot) and low-carb and gluten-free intersect at quite a few places. Win-win!

3.

Okay, so I found this really fantastic website for low-carb recipes (many, many of which are also gluten-free). Now, I can't have Splenda (migraines), so that cuts out a few things, but I have to say that EVERYTHING I have made from Linda's site is OUTSTANDINGLY YUMMY and SUPER EASY!! This is hugely important for me!

4.

The photos for this entry are from Linda's site (thank you) and I've listed what they are (and linked to the recipes for each) below. These are listed pretty much in the order I tried 'em out.

5.

I didn't want to post about my (perhaps overly-ambitious) Bon-kitchen-challenge too early, because I usually get excited and then burn something (most often, myself) and call off the whole kitchen experience again for another year or so.

6.

But now it's safe to post about this. I've definitely had some kitchen successes and that is AWESOME to me! (And FOR me, dangit!)

7.

So, this is me being really proud and happy--and wholeheartedly recommending Linda's recipes to all members of the BonBlogs readership.

8.

Woo hoo!

1. Bacon Swiss Quiche. This is one of the first things I made. Perhaps THE first. So easy and so yummy. Also keeps really well for little squares of breakfast every day. (Keith fried the bacon. No way in heck I'm attempting THAT!)

2. Chicken Caesar Salad. I know it seems really BASIC, but I'm still really proud of how this turned out (Keith had to grill the chicken for me--I'm still not gonna do that... probably ever).

3. Helen's "Potato" Salad. This was when I KNEW I'd found a great website filled with things I could make AND love to eat. Holy cow, this was JUST like my aunt's potato salad at a family reunion. I swear!

4. White Castle Hamburger Pie. I guess White Castle is the Krystal equivalent (for this ATL girl) and OMG, it tasted JUST like a cute little Krystal burger. Amazing! Another one that keeps well in little squares to pop in the microwave to reheat. (Keith had to brown the beef for me.)

5. CABLT Salad. Holy bejeebus, this one is so yummy. Again, you'd think I could just TOSS a salad together, but NO. I need a recipe. And this is another awesome one. (Keith had to fry up the bacon, natch.)

6. Green Bean Hamburger Casserole. I know this one doesn't look as pretty as the others (and I made it without mushrooms because mushrooms are icky), but it's actually quite tasty. Very much like a green bean casserole, but with some beef. Gotta love beef (that Keith browned, of course)!

7. Egg and Chicken Salad. This one is listed as TUNA on Linda's site, but I substituted canned chicken breast, as I get a weird mercury reaction from canned tuna. Totally and completely AWESOME. (Also, I used non-Splenda pickle chips, which certainly increased the carb count, but not by nearly enough per serving for me to whine about it. NOTE: This is when Keith says kitchen confidence emerges--when you modify recipes with reckless abandon. Yay, me!)

8. Green Enchilada Chicken Casserole. This is the one that inspired me to do this blog entry. Keith and I went for our walk, hit the market, bought some supplies, then we came home and he cooked up the chicken for me and went to bed. HOURS later, I'm hungry enough (and brave enough) to go try this recipe, which HOLY FUCK turned out OUTSTANDING! I went back for seconds! Soooooooooo good!

And now I shall celebrate with a Ciroc Gimlet, thankyouverymuch. CHEERS!!

Posted by bonnie at 3:49 AM | Comments (7)

January 15, 2007

Wrenched Neck

Ow.

Woke up yesterday with a pinched nerve/wrenched neck thingy. So much pain that I went into shock, apparently. Chills and tremors you don't remember aren't cool. Dry heaves you do remember are not much fun either.

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Luckily, my friends have leftover "good drugs" (and my husband is awesome enough to go get them) and my wonderful chiropractor was in the office today. His line: "I honor Dr. King by doing good work today. Now, if I were a bomb-maker, I would take the day off to honor him." *snork*

Anyway, if today's column is "off," blame the pain. It took a LOT of effort to get it done yesterday. (I'm receiving emailed feedback that it's a good one, though, so I guess I got it done just fine.) Oh, and I know The Actors Voice: POV is late. It will continue to be delayed until I can see straight. And you can forget about the amazing Golden Globes party we were going to attend.

*grumble* *kicks rocks and pouts* *grumble*

PS--Big thanks to everyone who weighed in on the Cricket Feet "vision" and who commented on 12 of 12 of course! Love it all!

Posted by bonnie at 1:01 PM | Comments (2)

December 19, 2006

Living Gluten-Free

On 12/16/06 11:44 AM, Claude wrote:

> Dawn told me that you have been on a gluten free diet and that it's
> prevented migraines. I have a chronic problem with migraines and would like
> to ask you about this. Would it be okay to call you over the weekend? If so,
> what # should I call?

Hi Claude,

I suffered from migraines (about four a year or so) from the age of 17 to the age of 32. At age 33 and 34, I started having ten or more debilitating migraines per year. I was bed-ridden and in a really bad way, by the end of 2004. Clearly, they were getting worse and my work was suffering.

I also have OCD and it was getting worse, which is odd, as it usually improves with age. Additionally, I had gained a LOT of weight in 2004. No change in diet or exercise, just a big weight gain in a very short period of time.

What led me to the gluten-free way of life was the fact that, coming off a very bad week-long migraine in early November 2004, my joints were in excruciating pain. I was trying to transcribe the interviews for my third book, and my hands were cramping up, wrists were terribly inflamed, and I was just in a lot of pain. I posted to a private message board online (membership of actors whom I advise on their careers), asking if anyone had any advice for how I could get my joints to stop aching long enough to finish the book.

An actor friend of mine started asking me questions: "Bon, you just came off a migraine didn't you?" "Yes." "And you've put on weight." "Yes." "Have you been checked for celiac disease? Or at least a gluten intolerance?" "What?!?" I had never heard of any of that, so it seemed very odd. But I was in a lot of pain, so I began to do some research.

Sure enough, wheat gluten has been linked to everything from OCD to migraines to drastic change in weight to autism. It's actually VERY common to have a gluten intolerance, but in the American diet, it's not something that the FDA would ever want explored or widely tested. See, we live on GRAINS and to tell 15% of the population to stop eating wheat gluten would cause a major blow to the industry. But in other countries, they actually TEST for celiac disease in childhood, and the availability of gluten-free foods is VASTLY superior to what we have access to here.

Okay, so in December of 2004, I decided I had nothing to lose, so I went off wheat gluten (the non-medical way to "test" for a gluten intolerance is to take yourself OFF wheat gluten for two weeks and then have a very high-gluten meal to see if you have a severe reaction). For two weeks, I was incredibly healthy. Lots of energy, no joint pain, no migraines, nada. When I had gluten two weeks later, I not only got sick to my stomach (loads of abdominal distress), but I broke out in a rash around my lips and got very swimmy-headed. I decided that cutting out wheat gluten would be an easy thing to do, especially if it would solve my joint pain, migraines, and maybe even correct the sudden weight gain I'd experienced in 2004.

So, now that I've been off gluten for nearly two years, I can tell you the following:

I have not had a single migraine in two years (after having had a dozen in each of the years 2003 and 2004), my fingernails and hair have grown long and strong (healthier than ever), my skin looks great, my joints are fine, and my weight is beginning to stabilize (takes a lot of time, though, when you put on that much in such a short time). Point is, I am healthier now than I have ever been, and I credit that ALL to having cut out wheat gluten.

Here's the theory behind it:

The human digestive system has been around for three million years. Wheat gluten was introduced to the human diet about ten thousand years ago. We are not all so easily adaptive as to have the means to break down "new" foods (some human digestive systems do better than others). It's the same way that processed foods don't work for some people or that alcohol doesn't work within certain cultures who had alcohol introduced late into their evolution.

Since I now know my body does not process the protein of wheat gluten efficiently (and it may have done so, for the first 30 years of my life, but then reached a tolerance level of something it couldn't break down well and then shut off, causing the symptoms described above), I have to look at gluten as a poison to my system.

Yes, I *can* have gluten, but it's a choice that could make me very sick. Especially now that gluten has been out of my system for so long, even a little bit of it can really send me into a day of severe illness (like an allergic reaction).

It took a few months for me to really get the hang of it. Gluten is in EVERYTHING, it seems (since wheat is a common thickener in most processed foods), but if you start out going "all natural," that helps a great deal, as foods that aren't processed pretty much CAN'T have gluten in them. Eventually, I got brave about going to restaurants and asking for what I needed. Amazingly, most restaurants are educating their staff about gluten allergies and everyone has been very good about making sure I don't get sick. Some restaurants even pride themselves on their gluten-free menus!

I have a TON of websites to send you to. One of them has a printable allergy card that you can take with you to restaurants, so that they'll know exactly what you can and cannot have. Some celiacs are very sensitive to cross contamination (like, if your wife were to make a sandwich on the counter and leave crumbs and you were to later cut up an apple on that area of the counter, you could get "glutened") and some are not (like, if you order a salad with dressing that happened to be thickened with gluten, you can tell within the first bite or two that you're not going to be able to eat it, but you won't get violently ill or anything, so it doesn't have to keep you from enjoying the rest of your meal out--you just don't finish the salad).

I'm a member of a few discussion groups online that have been very helpful. They have regular gatherings of gluten-free folks both online and in person, to share ideas for good places to eat, ways to make your own kitchen "safe," and doctor referrals, etc. I think we're very lucky to be in a community where food allergies are understood and there are many options for us to still live normally. Middle America is still just learning about this stuff.

I mentioned restaurants with gluten-free menus. Well, PF Chang's is one of the best. Its gluten-free menu has MANY items on it! It's great! I also love going to Planet RAW because there is not a single thing on their menu that I could EVER eat that would cause me to get glutened.

There were some labeling laws passed in late 2005 so now everything that has wheat gluten in it must say so on the label. That's very helpful! (Because before that, "modified food starch" could be listed as an ingredient, and unless you knew for sure that it was corn starch vs. processed wheat gluten, you couldn't safely eat it. Now they *have to* spell it out.)

Whole Foods is a good store. They have pamphlets at the entrance with guides to gluten free items. Even better is Wild Oats, as they put big stickers right on the shelves next to the price of each item that say GLUTEN FREE. Very easy. Trader Joes also takes good care of its gluten-free customers.

Okay, that's enough to get you started. Now I'll share a whole bunch of web links with you, for your year-end reading. Please let me know if you have any questions. I was very nervous but excited two years ago this month, as I hoped we had found the cure to my most debilitating chronic illness. And, I'm here to tell you two years later that we DID. And it continues to be very exciting. I love being migraine free!!

Good luck!

Great articles:
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~coeliac/sprue.html
http://www.diesel-ebooks.com/cgi-bin/chapter.pl?isbn=9780471773832

Eating guides/food lists/lots of links within each page:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/specialdiets/overviews/gluten-free.html
http://www.wildoats.com/u/health100071
http://forums.delphiforums.com/n/mb/list.asp?webtag=celiac&ctx=1048576&cacheTag=x34-39 (also support forums)

Support forums:
http://www.celiacforums.com
http://www.glutenfreeforum.com/index.php?act=idx
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SillyYaks

Gluten-free Cooking School:
http://www.glutenfreecookingschool.com/archives/starting-a-gluten-free-diet-free-menu-plan

Local information:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Los_Angeles_Celiac

My favorite magazine:
http://livingwithout.com

My bestie's gluten-free blog:
http://glutenfreeanna.blogspot.com

Have fun!
--
Bon
http://cricketfeet.com
Showfax.com Column! http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice

"Any time I see someone succeed I am happy, for it affirms my belief that I live in a world where success is possible." -- 20 August 2004

Posted by bonnie at 2:29 PM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2006

Ever have

one of those days in which you consume a bottle of NyQuil, sleep sleep sleep, watch a little 90210, eat some ice cream, cry and moan, miss out on dinner with one of your favorite managers, feel too sick to hit a showcase, blow through half a box of Kleenex, have your deepest thought idle somewhere around "all of this year's ANTM contestants look like previous years' ANTM contestants," but still have to handle major negotiations on a contract for an actor whose shoot begins in 24 hours?

No? Just me?
Ugh.

Posted by bonnie at 7:23 PM | Comments (4)

September 20, 2006

Weird Timing

Okay, so I went looking for an image (from a previous blog entry) of a bottle of NyQuil (turns out, all I had was a bottle of DayQuil, which isn't what I'm taking so it's not a useful image right this moment) and realized that almost exactly one year ago, I was sick like this.

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What is UP with that weird timing?

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So odd! I'm just pounding the NyQuil hard and staying cuddled up under my favorite wedding gift (the blanket the Tooles made for us) and hoping to get past this pretty quickly. Seems my over-zealous celebrating on Monday night took my resistance level down enough to get me all-out sick. Bleh. Oh well... life is good otherwise.

Posted by bonnie at 3:24 PM | Comments (11)

September 10, 2006

Classes

For any of you who have gym memberships...

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What are the best classes? ("Best" for me means "not crowded" and "good for larger people" and "fun".)

I think it's time to take advantage of my membership beyond the treadmills and bikes. Where to start? Suggestions?

Posted by bonnie at 9:48 PM | Comments (9)

September 3, 2006

Taking a Break

I've been bitching too much lately. I've been complaining. A lot. I've been seeing the negative in the world and that's seriously not like me 90% of the time. So, it's getting annoying (and I'm sure not just to me).

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I've also been craving drinks. Not just drinking socially. Not just overindulging. Craving. And I can't tell if it's a temporary physical need that comes from an emotional desire to escape or if it's the beginning of a problem.

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But let me state for the record: I love drinking. Love it. I think it's fun and social and cool and one of the best parts of being a responsible adult who works freelance. I'm not like a college kid who can't wait for the weekend to go out and par-tay. I like the celebration of the every day. And I like being able to shut my brain off sometimes too.

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But I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of needing a drink to escape from the things that make me want to complain. And I'd like to give my diet and exercise regimen a chance to have some results. I remember noticing how great a friend looked after a few months of diet and exercise (I won't out him, here) and having him counter with, "I had to take a break from drinking to really get the results I wanted." I admired his self-discipline.

So, with just over 100 days left in the year (and remembering how I completely changed my body and my spirit in as much time eight years ago), I'm considering doing a major self-improvement campaign. I already exercise every day. I eat gluten-free and drink tons of water. I don't drink sodas or coffee or any of those things that tend to derail people. I'm currently the healthiest I have ever been, despite being a good 50 pounds overweight. My heart, my lungs, my knees, my endurance... all outstanding. Hair and nails strong and long. Skin flawless. And I am blessed with a kick-ass hourglass figure, even though it needs to reduce by about 20%. I don't have "problem areas." I'm just a big girl.

Here's the thing though. I can't tell if I need to do a T-totaller "give up drinking for the rest of the year" thing or if I can do like I did eight years ago and give myself "reward days" every now and then (days on which I can be less strict in all areas--food, drink, exercise requirements). I kind of like the idea of forcing myself to be 100% for 100 days, but I also can't imagine that it's a practical expectation. What I DON'T want to do is decide to be "perfect" then choose to have a night off and turn that into an excuse (ala: "I failed. I suck. Screw it. It's all over").

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Man! I just feel so good even imagining doing 100 perfect days. It was such an amazing thing, watching my body change when I did a 100-day campaign in '98 (note: I did not do 100 "perfect" days back then... but I also had a very different lifestyle, being a full-time PhD student at the time).

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What to do, what to do? Hmm. I guess I'll just start with one day and see how that feels. I guess I'm blogging about this as a way of holding my feet to the fire (although I can already tell I'll get annoyed by questions of, "Hey, how's that 100-day thing going?" if things AREN'T going well... so, I'm not sure what my plan is. Maybe I don't have a plan. Maybe I'm looking for suggestions? Hell... I'm just glad I'm not bitching in this entry. I am sooooooo over the complaining. That is a BAD habit, for sure).

Posted by bonnie at 12:55 AM | Comments (5)

August 20, 2006

Hmm...

I just ate five rice cakes.

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Do I have an eating disorder?

Posted by bonnie at 2:41 AM | Comments (9)

July 23, 2006

seriously.

too. damn. hot. to. breathe.

(It's still 79 degrees in my living room.)

soooooooo over this and ready to lie naked in the street until cooler weather comes

and of course it's cliché to complain about the weather. I DON'T CARE. IT'S TOO HOT FOR ME TO GET ANYTHING DONE AND < snakes on a plane mode > THERE'S NOT A GAWTDAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! < / snakes >

Posted by bonnie at 2:09 AM | Comments (2)

July 18, 2006

Sleep = Happy

It's funny. When I was writing the first item in my FAQ last month, I was thinking about how easy-going I've become over my odd sleeping habits. I used to really resist the sleep cycles and try to force some sort of "normal" sleeping, which only made me more frustrated and cranky.

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But even though I'm cool with sleeping three hours for every 30 awake (on average), there are times when I suffer from insomnia, and when it gets bad, I become someone else. Seriously. I am NOT me, when I really really really don't sleep.

Like the past five days or so.

Thursday was fine. Friday, I started getting overly emotional. Saturday, I was really annoyed with life. Sunday, I could no longer formulate complete thoughts without a supreme amount of concentration. And Monday morning, I worried I would step in front of a bus, as I was teetering as I walked across the street (seeing double).

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The few moments I did sleep between Wednesday night and Monday morning (calculated at about 45 minutes, total), I was grinding my teeth or waking myself up with my breathing, in a panic. Believe me, it was easy to get way pissed off after a few days of this.

So, Monday morning, when I visited my doctor, I couldn't really articulate what was happening to me. Luckily, he is brilliant and he put ice packs all over me and suggested that I needed some quality sleep.

Yes. Sleep. Please.

As my body temp dropped (and he's right: ice packs on pulse points do a much more efficient job of cooling a body down than 12,000 BTUs of Happy ever could), I began making a bit more sense (still not much, though), and agreed when he offered to put me on a concentrated valerian root, passiflora, magnesium carbonate blend so that I would actually sleep for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

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This was at 10am Monday.

Cut to 2pm Monday, when I awake for the first time in days, feeling as though I have, in fact, slept. And suddenly, I am me again. Praises be!

From 2pm 'til 8pm, I was able to wheel and deal with agents and managers, confirm appointments for actors' auditions, detail the finer points of nudity riders and SAG contracts with two different producers, make a formal casting offer, and--most importantly--make sense like a Bonnie should!

And then, from 10pm 'til 3am, I slept some more.

Holy crap, do I feel GREAT! I'm my-freakin'-self again!

I finally GET why it is that people react the way they do, to hearing that I sleep so very little. It is eventually impossible to function without sleep. Wow! I totally get it now.

Posted by bonnie at 3:54 AM | Comments (6)

July 16, 2006

Fun With I-Rons

I was just about to change the "headline" on my MySpace profile to say: Potato-free since June 26th when I realized that's not entirely true.

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Yes, I decided to go off potatoes while we were at our spa vacation, and I've been very very good. But the combination of the facts that I cannot have alcohol made from grain, my favorite cocktail is the vodka gimlet, and Tana's Michael loves me led to delicious potato vodka beverages for my birthday.

But I'm still officially off potatoes. I'm calling that "good," dammit. Irony is fun like that.

PS--New favorite summer show: World Series of Pop Culture. Good stuff!

Posted by bonnie at 12:42 AM | Comments (4)

April 28, 2006

How Whole Foods lost us to Wild Oats:

Dear Whole Foods (specifically Whole Foods at 2201 Wilshire),

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I'm a special-needs eater (read: I cannot eat wheat or wheat gluten). And that means that grocery shopping can be a high-maintenance activity, any time I'm branching out beyond fruits, veggies, meats, and dairy. Beyond the very serious allergy issues, there are also picky-eater-type issues of taste. There are things I enjoy more than others, flavor-wise, and when I find something really wonderful that doesn't send me into migraine hell WHILE TASTING YUMMY, I'm going to be your best customer for it. Count on that.

But on Wednesday, April 26th, you lost me. I didn't know you had been replaced until Thursday, April 27th, but I did know for sure on Wednesday that I would not be back to Whole Foods for my gluten-free shopping needs.

See, on that day, my wonderful husband (who is also the head chef around here) went to your store with a fairly typical list of gluten-free goodies with which he was to return home. But when he asked your bakery department clerk, Diego, to help him obtain some Kinnikinnick pizza crust, he was dismissed.

Let me get specific.

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You don't actually carry Kinnikinnick pizza crust. You never have, in the four months since I discovered that it exists (and that it is wonderful). But after having called, having been assured it DID exist, and then having driven to three of your other locations--none of them nearby--only to find that it did NOT exist, back in January of 2006, my husband finally decided to ask someone at your store--the one closest to our home--to place an order for the product. And some wonderful employee, back in January, actually did order a case for us, which we bought at a 100% markup from the list price as advertised by the company, because at least you went to the trouble to get it for us.

Past tense.

When my husband asked Diego to please place an order for us again on April 26th, he was scoffed at. "We don't do that," Diego said. My husband replied, "Oh? Well, you've done it for us before. Is there someone I could speak with about placing an order again?" The response was, "We stopped doing that. How long ago did you do it? We don't do it anymore." And then Diego walked away. He was finished engaging in customer service.

My husband called me from the store to ask what the name of the other product was that I'd been looking for. That'd be the Sahale snack blends (for which I've been jonesin' since a week ago, when one of the blends was in a gift basket I'd received). I told him the name of the product and he informed me those weren't at your store either.

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Now, this is particularly odd since, on the website for the product, your exact location is listed as one of THREE stores in our area that regularly stocks Sahale Snacks. After my husband's encounter with Diego, however, he chose not to inquire further about any "special requests" (even though this wouldn't be considered "special," since it's allegedly a product you regularly carry).

I knew I wanted to be sure to share my displeasure with you over the way in which my husband was treated in his attempt to purchase something from your store--something we had been able to purchase from you previously (and pay quite a lot for, seeing as it was a CASE of the product, priced at single-serving markup levels)--but it wasn't until April 27th that I learned what my real "problem" was with this whole thing.

See, on the 27th, my husband and I went to Wild Oats (specifically Wild Oats at 1425 Montana) to see if they had some of the items we were unable to find at your store the day before. Now, we didn't find either Kinnikinnick or Sahale Snacks at Wild Oats (and neither product is listed as available at Wild Oats locations, on their respective websites), but what we did find was EXCELLENT customer service in the form of our cashier, Courtney.

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As we began our interaction, I asked Courtney whether Wild Oats might be able to order a product for us. She asked what it was and I told her about the Kinnikinnick frozen pizza crusts. She paused and then said, "Oh, yeah! I've heard of that! It's good, right?" When the light bounced off her nose-ring, I smiled, as she was so perky and eager to discuss a PRODUCT (How novel! Right?) with a CUSTOMER. She then proceeded to find out what shift the manager was working the following day (after explaining that the current manager on duty was visiting from another store and probably wouldn't be able to assure the order would go through without a hitch) and suggested that we phone in the morning in order to place any special order we might have.

Now, before you start thinking that she's a "Susie Policy" kind of gal (the teenager who is the Future Business Leader of America type and not just some kid working an after school job), I can tell you that I certainly didn't get that vibe from her. She simply seemed like someone who enjoyed her job enough to interact with those she came into contact with over the course of her shift--and even if she couldn't help us, didn't mind getting information to us on locating someone who might be able to do so.

Perhaps this is as simple as someone in your store (Diego) not caring enough about his job or the customers who shop there to step up and make a difference. Perhaps your corporation is "health food oriented" but not "co-op vibe" in nature and that filters down to your employees. I don't know. And it doesn't really matter to me. What matters is, I'd rather do business with a company that--through its EMPLOYEES--respects its customers, whether they have a debilitating food allergy for which they need special items or not.

Oh, and speaking of which, I noticed little tags ALL OVER the shelves at the Wild Oats store, highlighting "GLUTEN-FREE" products in an easy-to-spot manner. My husband mentioned that the other nearby Wild Oats location doesn't have such tags. Another point in the favor of this particular store. (Don't worry, their letter to the customer service department is on its way--and it's a little lovey-dovey, as we special-needs customers like to be treated with such concern and empathy. So, I'll be letting them know that's WAY appreciated.)

Finally, as we were leaving Wild Oats, I mentioned to Courtney that I had picked up a sample of the cucumber body butter, in case she wondered what was in my hand as I was heading out. She said, "Oh! Those are great! Go back and get the shampoo and body wash too!" So, now I have one each of the lotion, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash samples from Giovanni. Wow! Good customer service is so easy. And it means so much. (And, as we all know... people love free stuff!)

We bought far more than we should have, considering the fact that we were walking home (having only planned to pop in and buy a couple of things), but it was totally worth it and I can't wait to go back to the Wild Oats on Montana again. Oh, and tomorrow we shall call manager Alex and place a very large, very expensive special order. And if it's not expensive? We'll order double. As a thank you. (And as a little bit of an F-U to Whole Foods.)

Thanks,
-Bon.

Posted by bonnie at 12:40 AM | Comments (7)

April 22, 2006

Yum...

I know Babes McPhee is going to kick my ass for blogging about something in that damned gift basket, but I had to mention the yummiest thing in it.

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That's the Soledad Blend. But from the looks of the website, Sahale Snacks sells a bunch of stuff I'd love to eat. Oh... and what's that? RIGHT DOWN THE STREET at the Whole Foods on Wilshire? Yeah, baby! Yum!

I've been really really really busy (I swear) uploading demo reels to the Cricket Feet server for producers to see (re: casting HILMMAKS) so it's not JUST my weird mood that's kept me from blogging today.

Maybe there will be an entry of interest later. I'll try. I promise. ;) At LEAST a quiz. That's easy enough.

Oh, and thanks JoJo for the head's up that Keith's CSI: Miami airs May 8th, not the 1st.

Happy Earth Day! Go hug the yard.

Posted by bonnie at 6:18 PM | Comments (3)

April 16, 2006

Craving

I have a craving.

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It's for something I haven't had in YEARS.

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And considering I gave up fast food for 2006 (yes, it's true... not even a case of the hangover hungries can send me to the drive-thru this year), this craving is pretty intense.

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If I don't blog again today, you can safely assume the black and white shake (86 the whipped cream--that's nasty) and chili cheese fries with diced onions from Johnny Rockets have, in fact, killed me.

Posted by bonnie at 2:42 PM | Comments (12)

March 18, 2006

"It's White Smoke. It's healthy!"

That's what our waiter and restaurant owner/master chef Juliano told us just before we took our first bites of the desserts we'd happily ordered, after having feasted on a delicious appetizer and three very differently delicious entrees.

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He told us that just as he waved a burning bunch of sage in our faces.

The funny thing is, we had just finished a conversation about how no one we know smokes anymore and how great the new, super-strict smoking ban in Calabasas is.

So, we couldn't help but laugh at Juliano's stop at our table, even though we'd managed to not laugh the three other times he came by, shirt buttoned in only ONE place, pants AND button-up boxers not buttoned AT ALL. *giggle* I guess you can do that sort of thing when your name's on the restaurant. *heeeeee*

Okay, so this was the day of dates with couples, really. Even though I started off with JLD and the Chandler Hall (yes, my name was misspelled in the credits) world premiere (oh, and the screening of a very clever, fun, outstanding short called Apocalypse Oz), it was the fun time before and after the screening, hanging out at his pad with the lovely costar/girlfriend Shanna that was the most delightful. (And OMG how precious is their dog Theodore? So precious!) After that, I caught up with Shon and Jodi in another of our famous "we didn't plan it but it worked out" moments. And, wow! Was Juliano's YUMMY!!!! I could eat RAW forever! Y'know, if it didn't cost so freakin' much. Wow. Good thing for that tax refund, eh Shodi?

Our shared menu:
PUMPKIN TORTELLINI $9.24 Pockets of cheese slightly warm & drizzled with oil & herb or marinara.
GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH $15.70 Thick pine nut cheese between flax and buck crackers w/ guacamole, tomato, & cilantro. Rich.
GREEN CURRY PASTA (THAI) $22.18 Zucchini and mango pasta mixed with an amazing thai nut curry cream topped with coconut noodles.
SUN BURGER BURRITO $12.47 Not as serious as the western bacon double but still quite intriguing… Salad, mustard, ketchup, mayo, pickles, meat, avo or wrapped in a collard green.
APPLE PIE $9.24 Spiced apples & vanilla cream.
CHOCOLATE PARFAIT $9.24 Will definitely do the trick.
BEST EVER CHEESE CAKE $9.24 Ask for the flavor of the day. (It was coconut today. Yum!)

Oh, and KiKi, you are famous in my real life. Shodi asked whether I'd be suggesting that you do a "new thing" and eat at Juliano's. *giggle*

PS--Is Rachel McAdams a cross between Eliza Dushku and Jennifer Garner or is it just me?

Posted by bonnie at 11:23 PM | Comments (2)

March 3, 2006

Interesting

Why is it, that when I have a desire to sleep I stay up all night, and when I need to stay awake (just for another 90 minutes, even), I am suddenly exhausted?

Weird.

Oh, and why do I have to stay up? Because Keith is SURE that Liz told him she was flying it at 8:35pm. Of course, she emailed me her itinerary, which says she's flying in at 8:35am. So, either:
a. Keith heard wrong and Liz will be waiting for him at the airport 12 hours earlier than Keith had planned to be there,
b. Keith didn't hear wrong and Liz doesn't realize she needs to be on an airplane in just under three hours,
c.
d. Keith didn't hear wrong and Liz has changed her flight since having emailed me the itinerary,
e. Keith didn't hear wrong but Liz has since figured it out and, in sending me her itinerary was hoping I'd make sure Keith had it right too,
f. or something else entirely.

I'm too exhausted to try and figure it out.

Point is, it is now my job to call Liz at 5:15am and make sure she's headed to the airport. And, if she has another 12 hours before she's due at the aiport, I get to hope she can fall asleep easier than Keith can, if he is ever woken up too early.

Happy birthday, my love. You get to sleep and I'm going to deal with this terribly typical Johnson family miscommunication, even though I really really really want to come to bed. You also get eleven new audition shirts. And a yummy cake. *giggle*

Posted by bonnie at 3:46 AM | Comments (4)

February 26, 2006

My Wish for You

Is that you will, at some time in your life, know the joy that is coming up on a movie theatre and seeing the title of a film you helped create "up in lights."

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Click for biggee.

I also wish that you will see your book in the window at the biggest bookstore in Manhattan. And that you will sing, speak, and/or anything else you really love to do and be met with standing ovations, even flowers. If it's the kind of thing that gets you off, I also wish for you to be stopped in the street by fans asking for an autograph.

And I hope that, like me, you realize that all of these things are really cool while you're still young enough to enjoy them all--and you're not at all bitter about any of the road you walked (or people you encountered or risks you took or choices you made) to get those things to come true for you.

And if you've not had a dream come true for you yet in your life, get to it. From the greatness of 90210, remember what Val said to David on the cliff at the Santa Monica bluffs (yes, where we got married), "Either get busy living, or get busy dying."

I have some personal goals for the rest of age 35. My professional goals continue to be met, and bettered, and met again. I'm gonna work on me for a bit more right now. And that excites the hell out of me.

Two more things, before I sign off and get some sleep for a bit (jeebus I scared myself, thinking it was MONDAY 3am instead of SUNDAY 3am just then... phew! I still have a day! Phew! Okay, anyway):
1. Do you like great music? Do you like great music by British guys who write great witty blogs and help edit books about actors written by online friends on other continents? Yeah. Me too. Go listen to "Boathouse Row" and learn the greatness that is Cliff.
2. That was some way long blog entry I wrote a few days ago, no? Eesh! Anyone finish reading it yet? Keith said it was "too scary." Pff. Actors!

EDITED TO ADD: OMG! Have you seen this blog entry about a guy who lost out on a job b/c of his blog/hobby? OMG! That's a HOOT! And sad. Thanks for posting that, Chip. I find that just FUNNY! And sad. And FUNNY! Poor guy. *giggle*

Posted by bonnie at 2:50 AM | Comments (3)

February 14, 2006

Bleh

Woke up at 3am unable to swallow. My throat is on fire! Bleh.

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Sent Keith to Toi to pick up some Tom Kha Kai, which was way yummy. Now I shall take some NyQuil and go back to bed. Cats are happy with that. Bleh.

Posted by bonnie at 12:44 PM | Comments (3)

January 21, 2006

Another Adventure in Cooking

Okay, so we bought corn meal for the gluten-free corn dogs we made the other day. Problem is, they don't sell corn meal in one-cup packages. Good news: there are recipes for other things made with corn meal RIGHT ON THE BOX. Who knew?!?

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Last night: tamale pie with fresh guacamole! Yum! I'm soooo proud of myself (and Keith helped a BUNCH, of course, but he always cooks really well. Me? I burn water). Only one casualty: I burned the eff out of my right thumb/wrist joint area. Click "Continue reading" to see the recipe for both the tamale pie and the guacamole.

In other news: I have a new beverage obsession. Brace yourself, people. I'm drinking like four big glasses a day. Ready? MILK. Who'dathunkit?

Tamale Pie (adapted from the corn meal box, since I don't like all the stuffs they like)
FILLING
1.5 lbs. ground beef (or shredded chicken or whatever)
1 sm. onion, chopped (we used 1/2 a medium red onion, since Vidalia onions aren't around here)
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
16 oz. gluten-free enchilada sauce
1 c. whole-kernel corn
1 tsp. salt

CRUST
2.25 c. yellow corn meal
2 c. water
12 fl. oz. evaporated milk
1 tsp. salt
4 oz. diced green chiles
4 oz. shredded cheddar cheese
3 oz. sliced jalapeños

PREP
FILLING: cook beef, onion, and garlic in large skillet until beef is browned; drain. Stir in enchilada sauce, corn, and salt (next time, I'll put the corn in the crust, not in the filling).
CRUST: preheat oven to 425F. Grease 12x8 baking dish (we used butter, since PAM is *not* gluten-free). Combine corn meal, water, evaporated milk, and salt in medium saucepan. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, for 5 to 7 minutes or until thickened. Stir in chiles. Reserve 2 c. corn meal mixture; cover with plastic wrap. Spread remaining corn meal mixture on bottom and up sides of prepared baking dish. Bake for 10 min. Cool in dish on wire rack. Spoon beef filling into corn meal crust. Spread reserved corn meal mixture over beef filling. Bake for 20 min. Sprinkle with cheese. Turn off oven, but pop the dish back in the oven to melt the cheese. Garnish with jalapeños.

Bon's Guacamole
2 fresh avocados
juice of one lemon
.25 c. diced red onion
1 Tbs. sour cream
1 Tbs. prepared salsa
salt & pepper to taste
pinch cayenne pepper
pinch chili powder
1 oz. sliced jalapeños

Yum!

Seriously, this made so much food, I've had to freeze it for many meals to come! Hope it reheats from frozen well. It does reheat from refrigerated well.

Posted by bonnie at 8:22 AM | Comments (2)

January 20, 2006

Rant. Rave.

First the rant. I get the need for the whole word verification thing on blog comments. I really do. But for the love of all that is holy, shouldn't the word (read: the jumble of letters put together and somehow *called* a "word") be, oh, I don't know... readable?

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WTF was that supposed to be? Believe me, I tried several things... none of 'em allowed me to comment.

Now the rave. I have a new favorite thing (man, lots of new favorites so far this year). Our Pavillions is selling a new brand of foods called "O Organics." Um... yum. We always have to go to stores not-so-convenient as the right-up-the-alley open-24-hours Pavillions when we're buying my gluten-free goodies (other than produce and basic meats and such). Forget buying any yummy snacks or processed things. Until now.

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Okay, way way way yummy: "O Organics Cheese Curls" (white cheddar). Yeah. Good stuffs. Yum.

And with that, I'm to bed.

PS--Sis, want another casting job? I think I have one more for you.

Posted by bonnie at 2:01 AM | Comments (4)

January 17, 2006

Another Kitchen Adventure

We tried out the Gluten-Free Pantry recipe for mini-corndogs today.

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Much more like a hot-pocket and less like a corndog, but still tasty. I think we'll create the "dough" again in the future and fill it with veggies and meats and cheeses and such. That might be the best use of it. Still... fun to use two things we didn't own until this weekend: rolling pin and cookie cutter.

3:06pm addition: Could it be bad for an eight-pound kitten to eat a quarter of an uncooked hotdog? It sure was fun watching her drag it out from the kitchen, pouncing on it and playing with it as she took bites from it, while it rolled about on the area rug. I swear, she'd be a GREAT barn cat.

Posted by bonnie at 1:20 PM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2006

Opposite of Grace

What's the opposite of grace?

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I put spiritual grace above most things. I like to endure hardships (if I must) with grace and an open heart. So why is it that, physically, I am the opposite of grace-filled?

My body has been taking a beating so far in this short year. A couple of weeks ago, I slammed into a railing in the courtyard, putting an enormous, deep, long-lasting bruise on my upper arm. Last night, I not only arrived late for the screening (something that already had me unhappy, seeing as being late is about the rudest thing I can think of), but I slammed my wrist into a column on the wall. Hard. Talk about making an entrance!

So, I'm already feeling self-conscious and too fat to go out in public among the cute Hollywood people and I arrive late and make everyone in the room look at me as soon as I walk in, by hitting the wall so hard. Fine. Breathe. Enjoy the movie. Love the performances. Soak in the happy feelings of having put together another amazing cast. So, the movie's over and I walk out of our row and into the aisle. I'm hugging a couple of the actors, thanking them for making me look good, and then I step back to introduce Keith. As I step back, my heel goes off the step and down I go, backwards, all the way down the stairs and flat on my ass, then shoulder, then head. I land and squeal, "Wheeee!" It's the only thing I could think of.

Now, my mom had what she called an "embarrassment karma" issue. She would muster up all of the courage it took to go out in public and then find a way to embarrass herself once there. I thought about that, as I remained on the floor, gathering up the shards of my pride before attempting to stand again. Ugh. Nothing so humiliating as an ego smackdown.

But I'm human, and accidents happen, and I moved forward with grace (I hope) to make up for the lack of grace I have, physically.

But I'm left thinking about Mom and her issues. I'm left wondering why I'm beating myself up so much right now and whether I'm simply externalizing the self-loathing that exists within or I'm attempting to break myself down to slow the progress I'm facing on other levels. Like maybe I don't deserve my career success? Or the amazing relationships I've developed? What on Earth could this be about?

Hell, maybe I'm just a klutz. But I like to look at life a little more deeply than that. Blame Charlsie. Mom could analyze a freckle on a flea. *sigh* I don't know. I'm conflicted. And I'm dressing in bubble wrap from here on out.

Posted by bonnie at 7:59 AM | Comments (5)

January 7, 2006

Thank Gawd!

Twelve hours ago, it was 88 degrees with 10% humidity. Now, 58 degrees with 44% humidity. Now, I can clean up after all of the nosebleeds and finally get some work done.

Phew! Biggest thank gawd comes from having avoided migraine hell. Man, that's impressive.

Posted by bonnie at 3:08 AM | Comments (0)

January 4, 2006

Adventures in Kitchening

Okay, so I braved the kitchen, filled with bowls and knives and things and emerged victorious.

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My Pasta Mexicana with Salsa was way yummy, though I'll cut the jicama and cucumbers smaller next time (I think Keith may have miscommunicated "julienned" to me). Recipe is below, if you want the details.

Tonight, I made Stuffed Spinach Pesto. Way yummy. I realized, upon making it as described below, that it looked a lot like tabouleh, so I added a couple more of my own favorite things (tomato, cucumber, balsamic vinaigrette) and ate it with corn chips.

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Keith says that's a sure sign I'm becoming more confident in the kitchen: modifying recipes. I did that with my artichoke spinach dip for Christmas too. Hmm. Maybe so. I'll still make him do things that involve appliances.

I'm now enjoying another goodie prescribed by the Living in the Raw book: ginger lemon water. Yum!

Reggie Bush can fly, yo.

Oh, and my next entry will be #1000 at the ol' SpyNotebook. I hope it is worthy.

Pasta Mexicana with Salsa
1-1/2 C. tomatoes, diced
1 C. fresh corn
1 C. cucumbers, julienned
1 C. jicama, julienned
1 med. avocado, thinly sliced crosswise
1 C. salsa (recipe below)
1 T. virgin olive oil
1/2 t. dried oregano
1/4 t. ground cumin
1/4 t. chili powder
dash of cayenne
1/4 C. cilantro, minced

Combine tomatoes, corn, cucumber, jicama, and avocado in a medium bowl. Add salsa, oil, oregano, cumin, chili powder, and a dash of cayenne. Mix well, then pour over vegetables. Add cilantro and toss gentley to distribute vegetables evenly.

Salsa
3/4 C. tomatoes, chopped
1/4 C. red bell peppers, minced
1/4 C. yellow bell peppers, minced
1/4 C. red onion, minced
1-1/2 T. cilantro, minced
1-1/2 T. virgin olive oil
2 t. chili powder
1 clove garlic, pressed
dash cayenne

Combine the tomatoes, peppers, onion, and cilantro in a medium bowl. Stir in olive oil, chili powder, garlic, and cayenne.

Stuffed Spinach Pesto
2 C. spinach
1/2 C. sunflower seeds, soaked six to eight hours and rinsed
2 ears corn, removed from cob
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1 clove garlic
1/4 t. salt

In a food processor with the "s" blade, pulse chop spinach and sunflower seeds. Mix in corn, red bell pepper, garlic, and salt.

Posted by bonnie at 8:44 PM | Comments (2)

December 16, 2005

Synchronicity

There is something so beautiful about the way life works sometimes.

synchronicity.jpg

We make a casting decision late today on Still of the Night and I call the actor's agent. The voicemail has already been switched on, indicating the agency (one of the biggies) is closed until 4 January 2006. I don't HAVE to have this guy's contract locked today, but I sure as hell need him to know the offer has been made, get at least a verbal yes, and move forward in good faith with letting the non-cast actors' representatives know status.

I go to IMDB-Pro to look up this actor's manager info. Nope. Wrong info. Call the management company, whose employees have never heard of him... obviously outdated info. Fine. Call the attorney of record (for no reason other than to be SURE that someone, somewhere knows an offer is coming over). Leave a message with assistant.

Exhale. This may be as far as I can get with this deal this year.

Couple of hours later, phone rings... it's the attorney. I give him all of the info about the project, he says he'll do his best to get the info to his client, just so that we can know if he's even going to be available to do it (he's a series regular on a hot new show right now), we joke about how we're still busy at work at dark on the day when everyone in Hollywood left town at noon for the rest of the year. Hee hee, ho ho, good convo. Six minutes, tops.

One of the things he says, at the end of the conversation, is that he's very well-versed (surprisingly) in indie film deals, seeing as he reps a few producers and has built more than a few distribution deals, writer packaging, blah blah blah, and maybe we should get to know each other better.

Yes.

Let's do that. I tell him I'm just about to hit my three-year mark with casting, the next film I've got on my plate is a $2M feature film that I'm just really excited about, I'm movin' on up, yada yada, and it might be a good time for me to take a meeting at this level.

Why NOT have someone who is PAID (commission) to read scripts and negotiate my casting deals for me? Why NOT?!?

I'm sooooo in.

Oh, and a footnote... the owner of the big-deal agency that had been closed a few hours earlier just called me on his cell to give me a verbal yes on the deal, let me know how much his client loved auditioning for me and specifically for this project, and that we'll do the paperwork in the new year, "Tell Gary Marsh that I love him when you have dinner with him next week," and so on.

Life... she is goooooooooooooooood.

AND--Keith is on his way home with well-reviewed gluten-free pizza crust so that I can have something I've been craving (but finding unsatisfactory) for the year I've been gluten-free. Yippee! I just LOVE it when it all comes together! Thanks, universe! You rock!

Posted by bonnie at 5:59 PM | Comments (1)

November 8, 2005

Can't Sleep

That's what I get for commenting on how soundly I've been sleeping since going on the thyroid supplements.

Your Birthdate: July 11
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Spiritual and thoughtful, you tend to take a step back from the world.
You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain calm.
Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche.
Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done.
Your strength: Your inner peace
Your weakness: You get stuck in the clouds
Your power color: Emerald
Your power symbol: Leaf
Your power month: November
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Now I'm all up... and buzzy. Good thing I have a bunch of casting stuff to do. Damn the shiny object that is the quiz (this one, from Ames, who is having a really great week already)!

Posted by bonnie at 3:05 AM | Comments (2)

November 7, 2005

I Do Not Recommend...

Rufies.

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From WiKi:
Flunitrazepam use causes several adverse effects in the user, including drowsiness, dizziness, loss of motor control, lack of coordination, slurred speech, confusion, and gastrointestinal disturbances, lasting 12 or more hours. Flunitrazepam impairs cognitive and psychomotor functions affecting reaction time and driving skill. The use of this drug in combination with alcohol is a particular concern as both substances potentiate each other's toxicity.
Seems the bartender thought he was thanking me (or maybe Keith) for the big tip on our night's tab by "buying my last drink" and slipping Rufies into it.

I've been drunk before (of course) and I know what that is like. I remember NOTHING that happened after the first few sips of that drink. Not. A. Thing. And apparently the night went on long, long, long after that and I scared Keith. Quite a bit.

Today, after hearing all about the night from Keith (and hearing *his* theory, that I had been slipped something by the bartender--I would never have thought of that), not ONE little glimmer of recollection happened. Nothing seemed familiar. Total, total, total blackout. And bizarre behavior. Very bizarre. And then after a day of (some) rest... vomit. Of course, there was nothing to throw up... just water... and then blood. Lots of blood. Some from a severe nosebleed, some from my insides elsewhere.

Gotta tell ya, I don't understand how this stuff is considered recreational by ANYONE. It's scary, evil shit and I am NOT thrilled with the guy who thought it would be funny to put me through this.

Posted by bonnie at 6:27 PM | Comments (3)

October 30, 2005

My Liver!

Was it a Beavis and Butthead line? God, what a random memory. I don't even think I ever watched more than five minutes of that show, when it was on, but I seem to recall a faked accident and one of the guys clutching his chest, yelling, "My liver! My liver!" The other guy whispered, "Lower!" And he either--can't recall which--dropped his hand to his crotch and said, "My liver! My liver!" or lowered his voice and said it. Hm.

Either way...

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I've started a liver cleanse. Have to do that before taking anything for my thyroid. Ugh. I had a few panic attacks, just going over it all. So much stress about mysterious issues of the bod. Very very very odd. Anyway, I'll keep y'all posted. Wish me luck.

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While googling for that first image, I found this one, immediately above. It got me to thinking... how common is this practice of cutting out faces of exes in photos? I've never done it. I've never even torn a photo in half for drama. So odd to want to trash the photo to... what? Feel better? Perform a ritual, removing the person from your life more literally? Show the world you're more narcissistic than sentimental? What?

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And finally, a quiz. Can YOU tell your programming language creators from your serial killers? Hee! Fun.

Posted by bonnie at 1:44 AM | Comments (1)

October 29, 2005

Hypothyroid?

Yeah. I think so. Sure explains a lot.

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A. Lot. Hm.

Posted by bonnie at 3:37 PM | Comments (0)

October 14, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Ahhhhh....

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Copperwynd was heaven... a lovely honeymoon-slash-Nonaversary celebration with lots of special everythings. Came home to three fat cats, a couple hundred emails, and a wedding present waiting for us. Heeeeeeeeee.

I'm beat. But, MAN, we both feel GREAT!

Shrinks opens tomorrow night. So excited!

Much to catch up on, but must sleep first, methinks. Ahhhhhhhh.

Posted by bonnie at 7:54 PM | Comments (0)

October 11, 2005

Happy Nonaversary!

Tomorrow is our Nonaversary. Yes, we celebrate the day we didn't get married, 12 October 2002. It's always so much fun, since we invented the holiday.

First Nonaversary: stay in bed all day and say, "Thank you for not marrying me."

Second Nonaversary: champagne brunch and pottery painting.

Third Nonaversary: do a series of date nights to make up for the fact we're working on the 12th.

Fourth Nonaversary:

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Copperwynd, baby! (Here's what I said after last time.)

And yes, we count the one in 2002 as our First Nonaversary, since we invented it. And yes, we still say, "Thank you for not marrying me," to each other... only now we're married, so we kind of only mean, "Thanks for not marrying me on THAT day."

Hee hee.

Love that edits for THIS book are pretty much where edits for the LAST book were on the last spa vacation.

Tee hee.

Yes, I'm taking work on our honeymoon (but anyone who knows Keith knows, by virtue of the fact that HE's going, I'm taking WORK on my honeymoon anyway), but THIS will be stuff I can do while he's sleeping. *giggle*

Oh, I'm sooooooooo excited! Yippee!

Posted by bonnie at 9:43 PM | Comments (2)

October 6, 2005

Amy's Blind Date

Woo hoo! Unlike MY episode of Blind Date, looks like I'll actually get to SEE Amy Harber do her thang tomorrow at 11am on KTLA.

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Yup, I never did see my bonzai tree-trimming, dart-throwing episode from November 2000, though I hear it was good. Ever so excited to watch Amy cat it up on the air.

PS--it's hot and dry. Nose bleeds-a-go-go (guess they're better than migraines, though). Ugh.

Posted by bonnie at 3:14 PM

October 4, 2005

Don't Judge Me!

Is it wrong?

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Is it wrong that I open all of the semi-easily-opened pistachios and leave the too-tightly-encased ones for Keith?

I mean, I am wrist-down dainty.

Posted by bonnie at 11:53 PM

September 28, 2005

Oy, You're Killin' Me!

Are you KIDDING me with this stuff?

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Just when I think I'm starting to feel a wee bit better, with less of a cough and a bit more energy, the Santa Ana Winds kick in and it's 87 frickin' degrees and DRY, HOT WIND whips through my apartment.

Hello, nose bleeds!

Ugh! I'm so so so so so looking forward to October. Oy!

Posted by bonnie at 3:48 PM

September 24, 2005

Uninspired

So, I'm thinking about how I have nothing to blog about so why bother updating except to say thank you to everyone for all of the great get-well vibes y'all sent over these past couple of weeks (and yes, I'm realizing I've spent the better part of September ill... grr) and then I visit Jodi's blog and realize, when uninspired... I can still QUIZ! Yippee!

Your Inner Child Is Happy
You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.
You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.
And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.
You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.
How Is Your Inner Child?

Yay! See? Even when I'm hacking up a lung, I'm a happy li'l girl in here somewhere! Ilikeat.

You Are A: Duck!

duckFound in many lakes and ponds, ducks are a common site the world over. Known for their famous quack, ducks tend to congregate in flocks or go off on their own in pairs. As a duck, you may seem friendly at times but will not hesitate to bite if someone is bothering you. Your love for travel and your ability to swim are some reasons why you are a duck.

You were almost a: Pony or a Puppy
You are least like a: Mouse or a ChipmunkCute Animals Quiz

And... so... I'm a duck! Well, there ya go! Good thing I'm *not* a pony or else I'd end up across the street at the petting zoo later today! Hee hee.

Posted by bonnie at 5:17 AM

September 23, 2005

IGAR

I seriously have nothing to say.

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Still sick. Trying to work on the book's revisions between big sleeps. Watching TV. Being bored.

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Octoberfair is back (across the street) and that makes me smile.

Keith is auditioning for a "Disney Dad"-type role (heavy on the goofball). HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA! More more more DayQuil... and still, I got a rock!

Posted by bonnie at 1:14 PM

September 21, 2005

*skrawnk*

That's the sound my nose makes.

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Book event, good. Kitties (all three), spread out all over me, begging for bed. Keith, on his way to the bed.

Yeah. NyQuil says I'll be going too. *skrawnk*

I'm going to be healthy tomorrow, dammit.

Posted by bonnie at 11:42 PM

September 20, 2005

So Thrilled!

Seriously, I know it's odd, but I am THRILLED to be so so so sick.

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Fever, sinus crud, can't swallow, throat on fire... THIS is stuff I can understand! AND I LOVE IT! Soooooo much better than the mystery that is baffling brain chemistry!

Oh, and in reviewing my post about us being hitched, I realize I shared some good details with friends elsewhere that readers of the BonBlogs might like to see. So, follow this link and weed through the congrats posts to get some of the inside info. ;)

Back to bed. Ahhhhh... it feels so good to be sick!

Posted by bonnie at 1:38 PM

And... SCENE!

Cool. It's raining.

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As Keith would say: "Rain. Classic literary symbol for change."

Good.

After a very fitful night of semi-sleep, I woke up around 4am with a searingly sore throat and the need to blow my nose... a bunch. But somehow, my head felt CLEAR.

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That braincloud crap I've been enduring for just over a week was seemingly gone.

So, I came into the livingroom, began sorting paperwork for the new book (busywork, to sort of see whether the panic had passed or was just hiding), and within an hour... RAIN.

Felt like that moment in the movie when you realize everything's gonna be okay, in spite of everything.

Awesome.

Posted by bonnie at 5:15 AM

September 18, 2005

Panic Sucks

Seems, just as 40 is the new 30, panic is the new migraine. I have all of the symptoms that usually come with a major migraine, but no pain. I'm beginning to realize that migraines, as painful as they are, suck MAINLY b/c of all of the other stuff.

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I'm deleting the rest of this entry. I'm ready to be over this. Sure, it may come again--there does seem to be a pattern here--but for right this second, I want to be past this. So, I'm going to stop talking about it.

Posted by bonnie at 12:56 AM

September 17, 2005

Couplathings

1. Working on the book helps calm panic attacks.

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2. Watch the pre-Emmy Emmy Awards (Creative Arts version) tonight on E! to see Kathy Joosten pick up her Emmy (plus casting directors April Webster, Mandy Sherman, Alyssa Weisberg, and Veronica Collins Rooney for Lost; John Papsidera for Lackawanna Blues; and Scott Genkinger and Junie Lowry-Johnson for Desperate Housewives). That's so cool! Maybe someday, the Oscar people will do an award for casting. *sigh*

3.

4. Book stuff: anyone who's read Self-Management for Actors have an opinion about a chapter I'm on the fence about keeping? That'd be the STAND-UP COMEDY one. I mean, I cover SOAPS and EXTRA WORK and HOSTING, so there's room for it... but I don't cover VOICEOVER. I can't cover everything, of course, but I'm just wondering... did the STAND-UP COMEDY chapter stick out as out-of-place? Should I keep it and add in VOICEOVER and LOOPING? Hm.

5. Blogging seems to recharge my panic levels, so I'm going back to book edits. Wish me luck! Watch the Emmys tonight and tomorrow night too. Congrats to my friends and colleagues!

Posted by bonnie at 1:36 PM

The Shakes

Been going through some very odd physical things for the past week. Not sure what's going on.

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I'm shaking, shivering, enduring panic attacks, feeling that airhead feeling I mentioned before, and having some very odd "toxic dumping" stuff happening.

I don't understand it. I don't fear it, which is good, but I sure don't love it. I have to leave the house tomorrow, so I need to at least stop with the shaking and find a way to NOT panic out.

Cute image thanks to the greatness of Elizabeth Tindal.

Posted by bonnie at 12:46 PM

September 14, 2005

Congrats, Camille!

So, last week, Keith and I went to a taping of Camille Mana's new TV series, One on One. Very cute.

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Well, starting next Monday (the 19th), you can see her every week at 8pm on UPN! Woo hoo!

You may recall that Camille is featured in my book Acting Qs. Hee hee! Yay! Speaking of the little book: co-author Blake Robbins will be on The OC for the next two weeks *and* the wonderful Bob Clendenin (along with his wife Erin, of course) has welcomed his second son into the world! Woo hoo! Further, Jill Andre (who smoked up the screen in The Moor Sunday night) will be joining me and Blake on the 21st at Brentano's for a talk and book signing.

Oh, how much I love bragging on my friends!!

'member when I was all airheady a few months ago? Well, I'm there again. I really hate it. Anyone recall how that ended up leaving my life, after having been such a pain in the ass for me? Really hate feeling all out of sorts.

Def Jam Becca MC got me a wedding present: a link to a way cool Gluten-Free blog. Thanks, Becca!

And, as if my blog is in retrograde, both my Google ads *and* Blogpatrol are now broken. WTF?

Okay, back to the good stuff: congrats, Camille, Blake, Bob, Jill, and everyone else in my life who's doing some really cool, amazing work! (Even spied Subhash on TV today!) Me? Gotta get my head grounded and then I can get these book revisions going. HUGE THANKS TO THE PROOFER PATROL AND CONTRIBUTORS ALREADY ONBOARD!!

Posted by bonnie at 11:45 PM

August 23, 2005

Scout Taylor-Compton: Still Missing

"Other stuff" below. But first, this update on Scout Taylor-Compton.

In my email exchanges with Scout's mom in the wee hours of Monday morning, I have been reminded what strength and grace exists. Everyone, please know that your prayers, your vibes, your willingness to hit the streets with the flyers (wherever you live) help. Truly.

I wanted to share this photo of Scout as a blonde, in case her hair has been changed since she was last seen on the 12th.

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Please, if you have seen Scout, call 1-800-THE-LOST immediately.

Other stuff...

Final callbacks were bittersweet (since Scout was not there), but fantastic. Teenage Dirtbag casting information will come out soon. I am such a fan of so many amazing actors in this town. What a blessing their creative energy and passion is to us all! Brilliant work!

My big brother Bill loves me so much! He recommended a chiropractor IN MY 'HOOD (which rocks, since my chiropractor of six years retired last month) after reading my last blog entry. Awesome. Thanks, bro. I'm calling in the ayem.

I am questioning my sanity at enduring Inside 9/11 on the National Geographic Channel. Keith told me that he would NOT be watching, as it angers him to "kill" levels. Marines with combat experience get like that, so I don't question it. But I have to watch. So, last night (while emailing with Chairman at E! and Lylith about Scout) I watched the first half of the documentary. I'm watching the last half tonight. I'm shaking and quaking with pain, grief, disgust... Thank God they've edited this documentary to include tales of righteous heroism between steady doses of tragedy or I wouldn't be able to take it. I'll report more about this at Monitoring the Culture momentarily.

I simply keep trying to understand the world we live in. Isn't that all any of us can do? I have to constantly remember the millions upon millions of miracles I witness every day to try and balance the sadness I feel right now. It takes my breath away.

Get Scout home NOW. NOW. NOW.

Posted by bonnie at 1:30 AM

August 22, 2005

Ow.

Latest Scout Taylor-Compton post linked here.

So, I've been sick (in bed sick) since Wednesday night. Finally started feeling better Saturday evening, but then my lower back started aching as though I'd pulled, pinched, or otherwise wrenched something.

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How, when I've been in bed for days, I do not know.

I tried to "get a good night's sleep" by getting in bed before midnight, knowing I've a big, bad casting day ahead of me for Teenage Dirtbag with producers. Can't sleep. Up and down to the bathroom. Flip-flopping with back pain. Fever in my back. Am I having kidney issues? Am I so stressed out about Scout and casting and a zillion other things that I'm psychosomatizing stuff?

Whatever it is... I'm up. God help me get through seven hours of casting and meetings that follow. Seems so silly a wish compared to, "get Scout home safe."

*sigh*

Posted by bonnie at 3:44 AM

August 18, 2005

Here's What Sucks

Get obessed with working out.
Find that working out pretty much fixes every other stress in life.
Begin relying on workouts to balance stress.

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Get sick.
Wonder if working out while sick is a good idea.
Learn it's probably not.
Have loads of stress and no energy to face the stress, no outlet for the stress, and loads of restlessness over this situation.

Back to bed. Ugh.

Posted by bonnie at 4:55 PM

August 15, 2005

Upset Tummy :(

I remember my mom saying that I was never as miserable as when I had an upset tummy, as a little girl. I'm definitely in Whiny Bunn* mode right now.

So I took a quiz.

Cheese Pizza
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Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.
What's Your Pizza Personality?

That was brought to you by Ali, who took it from Jodes, whose blog I don't visit nearly enough because I feel like a failure since I can't knit. (Kidding, Jodes. I think it's really cool and I'm just jealous.)

I think I have to go to the store now to buy something with bubbles in it. I'm crabby when my tummy is owie. I also apparently type in baby-talk then too.

* When I was a little girl and I would get particularly whiny, my parents would say, "Who are you? You can't be Bonnie Athene! She's a sweet little girl. You must belong to the Bunn family next door. You must be their little girl, Whiny Bunn."

Of course, this was very funny to them until I went over to Mr. and Mrs. Bunn's house one day and asked if I could play with their daughter, Whiny Bunn. That ended that.

Posted by bonnie at 10:59 PM

June 21, 2005

Q&A

Q: Where is Bonnie?

A: See old blog.

Ugh. Bleh. Zzzzzzz.

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That is all.

Posted by bonnie at 12:55 AM

June 16, 2005

"Hey, Bonnie..."

(This is how many conversations begin when Quinn is visiting.)

"Yes, Quinn."
"You've really got a very big butt."
"Thank you."

(Long pause.)

"Hey, Bonnie..."
"Yes, Quinn."
"I really thought you'd be upset."
"No, Quinn. I have a big butt. It's true. No reason to be upset."

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Truth is, I saw an interview with Mo'Nique yesterday in which she talked about the bliss that is being a big girl and having "fluff" for the guys to touch on.

I looked at Keith and said, "I need to be like that. Just love my fluff." He said, "Sometimes you are like that." And I said, "Yeah. But I need to be like that all the time. Just love my fluff and know I look good."

And today that was tested out. So far so good!

Posted by bonnie at 11:49 AM

May 20, 2005

When in doubt...

...believe what the universe shows you.

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Yeah. Today was good. Got a call from a producer on the film I'm currently casting, asking if he could send me the script for the NEXT film he's producing--one with a big budget--so's I could consider casting it, seeing as the director on this current film raves so. Rock on!

Best news of the day: El Cholo's seasonal Green Corn Tamale: gluten free, y'all! Woo damn hoo!

Posted by bonnie at 3:21 AM

April 13, 2005

Yum

Since having to give up my beloved matzoh ball soup from JFD when I went gluten-free...

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...a delicious carrot ginger soup has become my new favorite belly-warmer. I've always loved carrot ginger soup, but finding a FAVORITE that I can eat frequently makes me very happy. Thank you, Bistro Gardens of Burbank. You rock!

Re: last night's editorial request, THANK YOU. I still have a few chapters to send out, but huge thanks to those who have already helped so very much!!

Posted by bonnie at 12:33 PM

April 11, 2005

Bliss Bliss Bliss

Oh, my. I had such an awesome weekend.

I got to know cousin's dearest friends better. I got some good work done on the book.

I had a huge emotional breakthrough during my Percentology about the ways in which I have not yet grieved the loss of my mother. I connected with some people who inspired me to do things such as write an article for Cosmo or SELF, fall more deeply in love with Keith, and demand higher rates of pay for my work.

I have come home more relaxed than ever (and my skin is simply gorgeous, as are my toenails). Nell told me about (and then Rachel showed me) a hummingbird nest with a momma hummingbird sitting on her two little babies, keeping them warm. So precious!

Keith and I will be celebrating our fourth nonaversary at CopperWynd. I can't wait to go back! It was worth every penny and then some. We're already picking out the treatments we'll get, when we go. Such delightful stuff--and a wonderful staff. Everyone was super.

Okie doke... back to work!

Posted by bonnie at 10:53 AM

April 7, 2005

Gone Fishin'

I've not actually GONE FISHIN' of course. I'm actually somewhere in these parts.

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Click to enlarge.

Color me Copperwynd. Aahhhhhhh. Spa weekend, here I come!

Posted by bonnie at 6:35 PM

April 6, 2005

Pamprin: NOT Gluten Free

Dammit. As if I felt GREAT before I took the dang thing...

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...NOW I've got a serious gluten reaction on top of cramps. Lovely.

Posted by bonnie at 1:01 PM

March 28, 2005

Icky Sicky

Ah. So *that* is what's wrong with me. I'm sick. Ugh.

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And Dayquil is my friend. Keith says I did this same icky sicky thing during this stage of work on books one and two. I don't recall. And I have to appear as a casting director at an LMU acting class this afternoon. Dayquil, save me!

Spied in Blogland today... someone who feels like I do about the telephone and a brilliant surviving-a-family-wedding blog. Enjoy visiting those! I'm going back to bed 'til it's time to leave.

Posted by bonnie at 10:35 AM

March 21, 2005

Thud

So, I've pulled a buttload of all-nighters lately and when I got glutened again last night, I knew a productive all-nighter would NOT happen. So, I drank some cider, took a Tylenol Sinus Night-time (knockout) pill, and...

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...pulled an all-nighter anyway.

WTF?!?

I am now so totally wonked out that I feel like Thwok must when she does her 10 o'clock Crazies, runs from one end of the apartment to the other, and doesn't hit the brakes in time. My brain seriously just went THUD. Guess I'll try some sleep now. :\

Posted by bonnie at 6:18 AM

March 16, 2005

Very Excited

I have booked a Perscentology upon arrival (includes scen tao total body treatment, shiatsu and hot stone massage, scen tao body splash and massage oil, and life's direction toe (!) reading).

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The following day, I have a Stone Symposium (includes eurostone anti stress facial, desert hot stone massage, and hot stone pedicure). I added on a paraffin dip for good measure.

Awesome. And the guy on the phone at the spa was great about guiding me through the gratuity guidelines. THANK YOU to all of you who emailed and commented about the types of services I should go for. I think I'm ready to go to heaven now.

Keith asked, "How am I supposed to pick you up from the airport after such a weekend? With a spatula?"

Yes, please.

Posted by bonnie at 5:09 PM

Narrowing It Down

I have shortened the list of Spa Services at Copperwynd (shoutout to Nell for sending an email to all attendees in which every word contained an inappropriate Y) and these are the frontrunners.

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Copperwynd's Scen Tao, Desert Duet, Perscentology, Copperwynd's Signature Cloud Nine, Copperwynd's Detox Seaweed Body Mask, Dead Sea Mud Mask, Hydraquench Body Glow, and (a big favorite) Stone Symposium. These lead the pack (with various massages, facials, peels, pedicures, cellulite treatments, and Chamerinage coming in close behind).

*sigh* I need to build a spreadsheet, ala Tracy. It really is the only way to plan correctly. Oh... and are gratuities included in spa treatments? There's this whole thing on Spa Etiquette at the site, but nothing about tips. Is my lower-middle-class slip showing?

Oh... and how happy am I that this spa event takes place just as the book is due in at the printer? VERY. I'm earning this decadence daily, here.

Posted by bonnie at 12:04 AM

March 13, 2005

Spa Treatment Selection

Back when I lived in Athens, I got a 60 or 90 minute massage at least once every six weeks. I decided there would be no war if world leaders were required to do exactly this. I sincerely think that massage kept me balanced. I miss those days. (Of course, when a massage is $35/hr., you can afford to spoil yourself. Dang, I miss those little-city prices.)

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That said, I'm going to have a blissful spa weekend here in a few weeks. Yay! Happy celebration time!

Sooo... what should I get? Copperwynd's Scen Tao? Parafango Cellulite Treatment? Paraffin Dip? Hydraquench Body Glow? Dare I splurge with a Desert Duet? Ooooh... so excited!

Posted by bonnie at 10:46 PM

March 5, 2005

Glutened

It would seem that, when I'm inadvertently "glutened," I get lockjaw.

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I've been generally very good about eating foods that are only on the "good" list of gluten-free foods, but there are a couple of things that seem to creep into preparations of other foods that I'm simply not going to be able to tolerate.

Namely, "natural flavoring" (which we already knew to watch out for) and "xanthum gum" (which is one of those things that bothers some people but not others). Most likely, the "natural flavoring" is 90%-100% to blame, but I've seen "xanthum gum" in the past two things that have made me sick so I'm watching it just the same.

I can't open my mouth.

This, of course, helps me not yell while doing taxes. :|

Legend has it, you become more sensitive to stuff once you've cut out gluten. Like what you're sensitive to becomes much more obvious the "cleaner" your diet. Does that sound right?

Posted by bonnie at 6:03 PM

February 10, 2005

Girlie Stuff

Things I love in my kitchen:

Fresh tap water, heating up organic soup, emptying the dishwasher, and these things:

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Clorox Wipes.

I'm nesting.

Oh, and could anyone who has found a good drug to help with a painful "monthly experience" share a recommendation? First "time" in 19 years and I'm doubled over, nauseous with pain. Anyone?

Soup is good, but it doesn't fix everything. ;)

Posted by bonnie at 1:39 AM

January 26, 2005

Airhead

So, I keep thinking I'm feeling like this after I eat due to some sort of serotonin issue, but I have--today--begun feeling like this regardless of food consumption.

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And I don't like it.

I can't write for any long period of time due to how spaced out I get.

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I can only sleep for short naps, as I'm just full-on dizzy, which isn't a fun state for horizontal beings.

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*sigh*

Well, at least we got three new book interviews done today. Effin' awesome. We're almost finished! Eeeeeeeek!

Of course, this means I need to bring my brain back into focus VERY SOON so that I can write the damn thing!

Oh, and coming off the pill has triggered puberty, it seems. I am breaking out all over. Ugh.

Bodies are weird. So's brain chemistry. I'm ready to normalize. When do I get to have that happen?

Posted by bonnie at 2:54 AM

January 12, 2005

Estrogen Withdrawal?

So, I've been off estrogen for a few days now (after 19 years of daily BCP) and my body is all sorts of outta whack! I guess that's to be expected with any drug leaving the system after soooooo long.

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I'm crying every day (but it's that really cute little "Aw... look at that sweet commercial where the kids made something for their folks" kind of crying and it never lasts very long. In fact, right now I'm watching PAX's Cold Turkey in tears. I cry when I watch FitTV's Health Cops too). It would seem that I have monkeyed with my hormones, coming off Loestrin. Go figure.

So, be patient with me, people. I'm all over the map and I have no idea how long it will take for my body to settle into all of the changes I'm throwing at it at once.

Posted by bonnie at 4:46 AM

January 3, 2005

Holy Crap

This is an amazing article on Celiac Disease. I am truly inspired. It's like reading about my long-misunderstood physical life in ways I'd never imagined possible.

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Keith and I spent an hour or more at Whole Foods tonight. Found some wonderful options. I'm delighted by how this transition is going.

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I am also sad, since everything I read reminds me of how Mom's health was in the last 30 years of her life. Seems like everything indicates this sort of change in her diet could've vastly improved the quality of her life. *sigh* So, there's emotion in doing this.

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There's also a firey passion. I am saving my life here. This is awesome.

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Again, the biggest thanks on the planet go to Anna Vocino, Liz Johnson-Stevens, and Colleen Wainwright. These three amazing (and talented and beautiful) ladies have changed my (quality of) life. Truly.

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In other news: Thwok has survived her first "cycle" as a woman. More importantly, so have WE. ;) She gets spayed on Wednesday. Wish us all lots of luck with that.

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Don't forget, Hollywood Happy Hour is Tuesday. Ack! So excited! It's been far too long, for me! This will be my first test at doing anything social since starting eating gluten-free. I have to have a strategy for success in place. *fingers crossed*

I. Love. My. Life.

Rockstar.

Posted by bonnie at 1:35 AM

December 30, 2004

Tummyache

Ow. Withdrawal is actually a little painful. I have an owie tummy. But we went for a great big walk tonight, committing to a daily walk no matter HOW I feel during withdrawal (of gluten AND of my prescription drugs). Gotta use my manic OCD to stay committed to the daily exercise, as that's what's worked before when all else has failed.

Transcribed interviews all day. Read an entire book on gluten-free eating (thanks, Liz, for the carepackage). Just trying to keep myself distracted from cravings and aches and pains (pains that are NOTHING compared to the pains I had WHILE eating gluten... I'm amazed at how fast I'm responding to this).

Tomorrow's the end of the year, right?

Posted by bonnie at 10:27 PM

Withdrawal

Okie dokie! It has begun: the withdrawal. I was asleep by 8:30pm and woke up at 12:30am with swollen joints, achy bones, and wild cravings.

Niiiiiice.

Posted by bonnie at 1:09 AM

December 28, 2004

Good News/Bad News

Ladies and gentlemen*, it's time for a round of that legendary game we call Good News/Bad News. Woo hoo!

* = Gentlemen may wish to skip this read. It's girlie. Like a tampon commercial is girlie.

Good News: I had my annual exam today.
Bad News: I weighed in 50 pounds above what I weighed at last year's exam.

Good News: All clear "down there."
Bad News: They are no longer permitted to prescribe my particular pill to migraine sufferers.

Good News: There are other pills.
Bad News: None of them regulate the cycle or reduce the debilitating symptoms I was having that made me go on the pill so young in the first place and stay on it so long in the second place.

Good News: There is also a shot.
Bad News: Starting the shot is not recommended for people who would like to become pregnant within one or two years.

Good News: I'm trying to get all of the chemicals out of my system anyway, hence the gluten-free diet.
Bad News: I kinda thought I'd get to decide where and when and how the chemicals would leave my daily routine with a little more planning.

Good News: Three days gluten-free and I'm having very little pain with headaches or joint pain AND the Amy's gluten-free foods are delicious!
Bad News: They are also expensive.

Good News: Thwok is old enough to get spayed.
Bad News: First available appointment is next week, meaning we're living with a Canadian bulimic howler monkey for another seven days. I can't imagine it's going to get LESS painful to hear. [Note: she is neither Canadian nor bulimic, but that's the phrase that describes the musical stylings of Celine Dion and... well... close enough.]

Good News: I came home from the non-triumphant morning and napped on the new sofa.
Bad News: There is no bad news. Life is good when you have a sofa you can nap on, kitties to cuddle on you, a fiancé who makes you gluten-free waffles with organic maple syrup, and a fun way to put life into perspective... all while making a list!

Any "family planning" conversations you'd like to have/advice on the above... gladly appreciated.

Meanwhile, after looking back at my 1998 DayMinder (old school paper version), I reeeeeally miss keeping a pen-and-paper calendar sometimes. Yes, I love my SixHundy and I do still keep an old-fashioned journal by the bed, but MAN, it was fun looking through all of those old pages and pages of my past.

Oh... and I was doing that to prep for what to expect, coming off the pill for the first time since 1998, when I came off EVERYTHING to find out whether I had bipolar disorder (I didn't... I was just a junkie).

Onward!

Posted by bonnie at 9:38 PM

December 27, 2004

Day Two Gluten-Free

So far, so good. No real headache, no joint aches, and pretty much feeling good. Able to eat some stuff I love and not yet missing the stuff I can't eat that I can't have, doing the wheat-free thing.

Awesome big shout-out to Anna for volunteering to take Keith shopping for gluten-free options, seeing as he's the chef 'round here.

Huge breakthrough last night in the missing Mom/leftover issues department. Bless Keith for being such a support system. Wow.

Not at all surprised that I'm having such personal growth spurts right now. I cursed the timing last night and Keith reminded me that this is precisely when it should all come together. The rest of the time, I'm too busy loving my life. Right now, I'm open for all of this. Awesome.

Big goal: lay off the needing to be right thing. Reading a book right now that talks about the need to be right being inextricably tied to the inability to control one's physical world. Makes perfect sense.

Anyway, there's more... but it's for the talks and the old school journal.

Oh, here's a question: Is it wrong to send Christmas cards this late? I made a deal a few years ago (at the suggestion of the brilliant Dawn) to only send after receiving (I'd gotten up to sending over 250 cards a year and feeling really taxed trying to get all of those Christmas cards out and feeling sooooo guilty if I missed ANYONE I'd talked to during the year). She said, simply, "Let yourself off the hook for sending any cards until you receive any." Rock on. I've been doing that for a couple of years now and it's saved me sooooo much sanity (and money). Interestingly, I was the one keeping up with so very many people. Now that I'm pretty much leaving it in others' hands... well... I can count on my fingers and toes how many people (other than actors sending headshot greeting cards) reach out to me. That rocks.

I prefer hooking up with those I see in person regularly anyway. Those are better holiday greetings in a major way. Want proof? See the Christmas and pre-Christmas photos by clicking below.

Posted by bonnie at 10:45 PM

December 23, 2004

Promising

I'm doing a lot of research on Celiac Disease and it looks reeeeeeallllly likely to be the culprit of my constant joint pain, sudden drastic weight gain this year, and increased migraines. Symptoms I hadn't considered that also appear to be related include numbness in the feet, anemia, and insomnia.

The day after Christmas, I will go gluten free. Anyone wanna join me?

Posted by bonnie at 1:33 AM

December 13, 2004

Coming Back

Ugh. Coming back from migraine drugs is icky. I now have ONE last sample drug from my friend who works in a doctor's office and stocked me up with migraine samples last year. I don't want to ever take it. I hate how it makes me feel. Of course, it does get rid of the migraine. *shrug*

We're about to interview one of the stars of Crossing Jordan for the book. Yay! Still need to get a few more interviews scheduled before the end of the year (ideally) but it's getting tough, with everyone doing holiday stuff and all that.

Oh, hey, if I haven't said it yet, let me make it absolutely 100% clear: THANK YOU, SUBHASH MANDAL. YOU ARE THE FAIRY GODFATHER OF THIS NEW BOOK AND IT WOULD NOT EXIST WITHOUT YOU! {{{{{big hugs, Steve}}}}}

Tonight: going to speak and critique scenes at Jane's acting class (Jane is one of Faith's costars on Significant Others and she's teaching this biz-of-the-biz class which uses my book as a resource). My co-speaker dude is the awesome Bruce Smith of Omnipop. Yay! He's in my second book. It'll be good to see him again.

Okay... I need to get ready for the interview and prepare to crash into a nap as soon as it's over. Must stay on migraine watch until it's 100% over with. Oh, Aleta, thanks for the recommendation for a new drug to try. Will do!

OH! And, Chairman, you are seriously my new favorite Google-mate of all time! Wow! I'm worshipful toward your Googleability. Rock it! And THANKS!

Posted by bonnie at 12:02 PM

December 12, 2004

And, there it is:

a migraine.

Posted by bonnie at 4:44 PM

Ow, My Head

Okay, seriously, I have had a mess of a headache for two weeks now. Here's the deal. I came back from casting The Entertainer and got a headache. It lasted for two weeks. I figured it was a fun case of the Santa Anas and good ol' travel fatigue wrapped into one.

So, that was the first two weeks of November.

Now it's the first two weeks of December and I have this crushing headache again.

Let me explain the headache: it's unlike any I've had (well, except the one I had a month ago). It's not a migraine and it's not a standard headache. It doesn't do a halo thing and it's certainly not tossing off all of the migraine symptoms that cripple me. This is most like a sinus headache, but even so, it's different. It doesn't respond to any kind of drug I have (Excedrin--three different varieties, Benadryl--three different varieties) and it seems to be ON all the time.

Keith told me to ask Dr. Khanna about it, which I did. He did a thorough exam Friday and told me there was no indication that my headaches were related to my eyes or the LASIK. I believe that.

Of course, I thought, based on the cycle of the headaches, that they could be hormonal. To quote my dearest Keith, "We don't have enough data points to be sure of that yet."

So... if it's hormonal, I should wake up tomorrow with no headache and be free and clear for another couple of weeks. If it's weather-related, then is anyone else experiencing headaches due to the changes in temperature and having to do heat one day, open windows the next, avoid high winds one day, get out the umbrella the next? And, if that's something you're experiencing, did you also have this happen to you in early November?

Ugh. Me no likee.

Pain sucks. And I'm really getting pissed about the fact that my physical body continues to be the one area of my life to which I cannot apply the Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting guidelines effectively. I have absolutely transformed so much of my life this year with that awesome little book... yet my body continues to resist.

So very frustrating to have such pain all the time. Damn, I miss the days of the pain killer addiction. Fiorinal was fun, even if it did kill my personality. *grumble* Stupid clean and sober lifestyle. *grumble*

Advice and/or vibes accepted graciously. Thankee.

Posted by bonnie at 12:47 AM

December 10, 2004

Eyeballs

So, today was my three-month post-op checkup (scheduled early, for some reason... holidays I guess) with Dr. Khanna.

Left eye: 20/20. Right eye: 20/15. And... he's going to email me the before and after radial images (they are so dang cool... all multi-colored and drastically different pre/post LASIK) so that I can add them to my blog. Woo hoo!

What else?

David is back with us for a long weekend. It's fun. I'm designing his actor website right now (well... mostly did it yesterday). It's going to rock.

Spent most of the day on the phone with various CSRs dealing with all manner of happy Mercury Retrograde issues. VERY excited to be where we are, financially. I said 2004 would be a rockstar year and holy crap, it has been. It's simply amazing what a shift we've made in our prosperity in this year. LOVE it.

Thwok is growing like crazy. She's seriously becoming a cat. Still plays like a kitten though. Kind of like Keith. ;)

Speaking of whom... his son Quinn will be SIX this weekend. Holy crap! When I met him, he was only TWO! Even then, he was so very smart. Like I said after his first visit here (at age four), "The Johnson boys are BRILLIANT by the time they're like three. And then they're done." ;)

Ahh... I tease because I love. I swear, Keith has taught me so much about love. Oh, and he'll be headed back up to NoCal to deal with family whatnot again this Christmas, so I'll do the orphans' dinner again with my dearest LA friends (I really dig this tradition we've had going all these years now) while Keith [deep breath] plays big, brave brother. Bless Liz for handling all the day-to-day up there.

Oh, and Keith will come home with... a new car. Yes. Again. ;) One a year feels right to him. [Yes, I'm looking at my 15.5 year old car as I type this. *smirk*] I'm so happy for him! We're going to donate Snowball (his current car) to charity. Well, unless someone speaks up about needing a used car as sweet (but quirky) as Snowball. Keith's years in LA travel: Year One--bike (and hit by an Escalade), Year Two--share my car (and stress our relationship out like crazy), Year Three--first luxury car of his life (used, quirky, but really awesome), Year Four--new car (thanks, Santa).

I so seriously love life. We walked to the ocean after midnight the other night. Why? Because we could. Gorgeous night. And I can see all of the stars. Man, that LASIK was a good choice. Oh, and the doc said we can have all sorts of free high-end web design services from his brother, as a thank you for all of the LASIK referrals and the good will from the awesome blog on the procedure. How rockstar is that?!?

Oh, the 90210 guest-star I cast in the film was NOT Val's druggie friend. Need more hints? Post-Brenda years. Pre-Dylan's return. At Val's suggestion this actor was able to do something that stressed out Donna. Ooh, this is fun!

Goodness, I'm updatey over here today. I think I want to go out tonight... but ugh, it's a weekend night. It's just that it was 80 degrees today and now I have the windows open as I watch the sunset and I really want to go play. Hm. We'll see what the boys come up with, when they get back.

Got a seriously kick-ass gift basket of food and booze from the producer of the film I just cast. Y'know what's fun about casting higher-profile projects each gig? Better people and cooler "stuff" with each gig. ;) Speaking of cool "stuff," Faith's official "Significant Others" holiday gift was delivered here. I said, "They send you scripts at your new address. How do they send this thing here?" "Ah, what do they know," she said. "They cancelled us." Bummer, but she has such a great attitude. I guess getting married in Scotland in a few months and exec producing your own series for another network will kind of put another series' cancellation in perspective.

Heee!

I will NEVER get rid of Google ads that are acting-related if I don't quit writing about the industry all the time! Oh, wait... that's what I do for a living, isn't it? Oops.

Still need to write this week's Showfax column. Any suggestions? I have my YOUR TURN part done. A reader wrote an amazing letter that will be, in its entirety, the YOUR TURN section. Awesome. I love it when people GET IT.

And when they don't... well... you move on and stay glad your interactions with those types are few and far between. ;)

Yes. Cryptic. Me. Love it.

Posted by bonnie at 4:58 PM

December 1, 2004

Disclosure

Today is day #7 for me on CortiSlim (day #6 for Keith). I love it. Seriously. Wow. No cravings. No overeating. No grazing all day. No late-night munchies. No interest in junkfood or sweets whatsoever. More energy. Less severe reaction to stressful happenings. Consistent moods and feelings and interest in greater physical activity.

Awesome.

Posted by bonnie at 12:35 PM

November 17, 2004

Again, with the tired.

What IS this? It's like I need my mid-day nap to get through. Ugh.

I did, however, go back and look at my journal (the old-fashioned pen and paper version) from this time last year and I was doing this same thing: tired, tired, tired. But also depressed. Not feeling that just yet. Instead, just tired. And achy. My head is about to pop.

Screening tonight for a friend's new film. Very much looking forward to that... if I can get a nap first.

Agency-sponsored actors' showcase tomorrow night.

Gimlet Night Friday night.

Auditions all weekend for the film. No wonder I'm in need of a nap. Yeeesh!

Posted by bonnie at 3:40 PM

November 16, 2004

Sooo Sleepy

I can't decide. Am I tired because it's dark so early and I'm working so hard and I still haven't really taken any downtime since returning from the road gig and the Santa Anas are drying me out...

or

...am I just getting old?

Ugh. I don't EVEN want to know.

The Amazing Race is TONIGHT! YAY! Maybe I'll get a nap right now and then be up to watch it live, rather than on TiVo later. I'm too tired to figure that out.

Man, I'm tired. What is UP, Gillespie?!?

Posted by bonnie at 4:51 PM

October 10, 2004

Half an Episode and I'm Hooked

FitTV has this show called Health Cops, where people are "sentenced" to become healthier in 12 weeks. I'm so inspired and just by seeing the last half of the first episode of this rerun series. Hm.

I know it's because I'm stressssssed out about both Tuesday night's CSA Artios Awards (seeing hundreds of CDs, agents, and managers I haven't seen in a year... a year in which I've gone from a size 16 to a size 22) and the news that the show I'm casting IS, in fact, going to do a "casting special," meaning I'm on camera while holding auditions in Nashville and Atlanta later this month.

I'm not a terribly vain person. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, just like my mother, I have my one or two outfits and that's all I ever wear, mainly b/c I like it simple and comfy (see quiz results, below). But it's hard to have been soooo healthy and looking REALLY good at size 16 a year ago and then have my doctor take me off Atkins (my heart was in danger, she said) and see the weight just come back, back, back... and more. I've never worn a 22 before. The new clothes I bought for the job... yeah. There's no denying it now. I have a serious problem.

Okay, so this entry is not about that. It's about how inspiring that show just was. One of the ladies who is built roughly like me (she's shorter and weighs less by a stone, I'd say) was "sentenced" to a three mile walk every day. I can do that. I have to do that. Another woman who drinks like I do was "sentenced" to give up alcohol (and caffeine, which is not an issue for me, since I drink only water and vodka, pretty much). ;) So, I think that's a good goal too. Clean the system OUT.

Anyway, I'm not going to turn this into a personal challenge or anything, just saying that I've had EVERYTHING in my life start REALLY WORKING in the past few months and the ONLY area that's off kilter (and WAY off kilter) is my weight. So, it's a last-ditch shift in energy that's required here. The Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting vibe has CHANGED MY LIFE. And now, just as the book says, my body has taken on all of the negatives I've been dished all my life and it's going to take a mountain of energy to blast that energy back to positive.

Keith came up with a great analogy. He said, "Your body is like a sponge for that negativity, for that pain from your past. It's time to wring that crap OUT of it and let it begin soaking up the GOOD life that you NOW have." The past is over, baby.

I feel empowered.

Odd, how energy works, isn't it? When I would normally be crying my eyes out over the size of my ass, I'm instead filled with energy that will make all the difference. Any effort NOT coupled with the right vibe is futile. I've learned that with my career and relationships this year--AMAZING changes and monumentally positive. Now it's time for my body to benefit from that energy shift too.

Well, this turned out longer than I'd expected. ;)

Keith comes home in the morning. Yay! And I start my new job tomorrow. Keith's in at Google on Tuesday. And we have a meeting with our CPA (ugh). Wild life. Unrecognizably, astoundingly beautiful life. Time for the bod to match.

Posted by bonnie at 5:18 PM

October 3, 2004

20/20 L, 20/15 R, 20/10 Combined

That's the verdict, 24 hours after LASIK surgery.

I realize this is my first post-op post, so I've got a lot of territory to cover. Please bear with me.

First off, I WILL be posting the nitty-gritty, gory-gory details of the actual surgery in this post, since I know it's info that some folks would love to have.

I will warn you before it gets seriously detailed. First, the info that's not cringe-inducing and perhaps of interest to you all:

I CAN SEE! I have amazing vision with no effort whatsoever! How cool is that? Way cool, I'll tell ya!

Let's do the chronology.

Wednesday, I met with Dr. Khanna for the first time. Keith had already scoped out the office a few blocks from here to check into their "free screening" policy and what sort of payment plans they offered. He also had inquired about the doctor's experience performing LASIK on patients who, like me, develop keloids when cut (see the tattoo on my left upper arm, for an example of what one CAN do to "hide" a keloid, should one develop such things during "routine mole removal" in a doctor's office). Yes, I had read everything about how skin tissue and eye tissue are NOT the same and that there is very little risk of developing an on-eye keloid, but I still wanted to be CERTAIN that the surgeon I chose had EXPERIENCE (and, more correctly, SUCCESS) in this particular area.

Dr. Khanna is one of the friendliest, most pleasant people in the medical profession I have had the pleasure to encounter. He jokes around (but knows when to get clinical), he speaks in terms that don't judge or insult the patient, he puts everyone involved at ease (some of the biggest calming-down at times was required for Keith), and his entire staff is of that caliber as well. What a great group of people!

Okay, so I'm immediately put at ease while being thoroughly (and I do mean THOROUGHLY) examined for my candidacy for LASIK. Yes, it was quickly determined that my vision (a prescription of -5.25 in my left eye, -4.50 in my right eye), the thickness of my cornea, and the fact that my vision has basically stabilized (same prescription) in the past three years made me a good candidate for LASIK. If I wanted to schedule the surgery for Friday, that was an option.

Dr. Khanna had mentioned to Keith on Monday (when he was there scoping the place out on his own) that he perceived me to be a very cautious person, having done years of research on LASIK and, more recently (when I knew we could afford it and wearing contacts had become more of a pain than ever before) having done months of doctor-specific research as a part of my decision. Keith corrected him, "Oh no. Not Bonnie. She is meticulous. Not cautious. If she clicks with you on Wednesday, I believe she will sign up for the surgery Friday morning. She has done a lot of math on this topic. It's time."

See, I was first prescribed glasses for distance only (driving, concerts, movies, etc.) at the age of 16. A year later, my prescription had doubled and the doctor suggested contact lenses, as the glasses I would have to wear would be thick and heavy (and would be worn all the time, making headaches frequent--as a migraine sufferer, I certainly didn't need anything else to make headaches frequent). By the time I was 19, I was taken out of the daily wear soft contact lenses I'd had and put in disposables. This was due to the fact that I was beginning to suffer from the lack of Oxygen getting to my eyes while wearing daily wear lenses for so so so many hours (remember, when you don't sleep, taking contact lenses out for a couple of hours a day is not a lot of rest for your eyes, or cleansing time for the daily wear contacts, which develop protein deposits and all that good stuff).

I was in disposable lenses from the age of 19 to the age of 34 (now). It was only in my last six months that I'd begun having some serious problems with the lenses for the first time. I always assumed, when I heard people complain about their contacts itching or causing them to need eye drops, bitching about what a pain it was to put them in and take them out every day etc., that they were just wimps. I truly never had these issues. Until April 2004. And it's been a rough few months, lemmetellya.

So, after the karmic smackdown over living such a charmed contact-wearing life, I knew it was time to do this. I had gotten down to about four or five hours of contact wearing a day before I'd be in pain and have to take them out. And, I'd have to dispose of my disposable contact lenses (which allegedly last for two weeks) every three or four days, due to how uncomfortable they would become in such a short time of short periods of use. Very odd.

As you may recall from my entry in June on the subject, my eye doctor told me it was due to my AGING EYES that I was experiencing this discomfort. Pff.

Okay, so on Wednesday, I go ahead and set the appointment for Friday morning surgery. I cancel my plans for Friday (bummer) and do what I'm told: avoid bright sunlight (due to having had my eyes dilated for HOURS), limit computer and TV time, and do not put in contacts ever again. (Note: I had been told to remove my contacts on Monday when Keith returned from the doctor's office on his scouting trip, in preparation of my evaluation appointment on Wednesday.)

Also, on Thursday morning, I started a course of four-times-a-day antibiotic drops in each eye, per doctor's orders.

ON FRIDAY, I HAVE THE SURGERY (if you don't want to "read all about it," STOP READING NOW and pick back up after the next series of *** to show you it's "safe" for the less-detail-inclined).

***

Friday morning I arrived at the operating room, was asked to watch a DVD of a procedure being done, signed some more forms, had my eyes looked at one more time with one more machine (I couldn't imagine that they HAD any more machines than what were already used on me the Wednesday before), and was given an anti-anxiety drug of some kind.

Honestly, I would've liked to have that BEFORE having watched the DVD. Watching eye surgery is NOT an anxiety-free experience, no matter how much sex and violence you've subjected yourself to, growing up on a steady dose of American TV.

Anyway, I realized I wasn't talking or being social, which surely meant I was scared (and I was. I hadn't slept the night before and I really kept trying to envision the bliss that would be my post-surgery experience, but kept coming back to the creepy feeling of having "woken up" during a procedure on my bladder in 1973. It became very clear to me that I would like to be knocked out--way out--for this. Of course, that's not an option).

They put my hair up in a shower cap and put booties on my feet. My hands were ice cold, they told me, as they led me into the operating room, which had windows facing outside as well as a window into the waiting room, in case family wanted to watch, video tape, etc. Keith had assured me he would NOT be watching. I certainly understood.

Keith says I was in the operating room for 15 minutes, total. It felt more like 10 minutes to me, but I was certainly not paying attention to time, so we'll go with his estimate.

I was lined up underneath the laser, which I was told would be "charging up" in a few moments. I was told to look at the flickering red light and to NOT move. My head was placed in a comfortable, head-surrounding pillow, "as a reminder not to move your head" (um, okay), and then the laser's flickering guide light was covered by steel, while they charged up the laser (a series of very loud pops clicking off to the other side of the room).

The nurse was awesome. She told me everything that was happening, as it happened. I suppose that freaks some people out, but for me it was very helpful. One thing I would've liked to have been told (or, if I had been told, I'd have liked to have had it made much more clear to me) was that I would GO BLIND during the procedure. *shudder* It was damn scary.

Okay, lemme back up.

Right eye first. I'm given some anesthetic drops in both eyes and swabbed across the face with iodine, which I'm told goes nicely with my freckles. I try to laugh. My right lower eyelid is then taped to my cheek below and my right upper eyelid is taped to my eyebrow. The tape is shaped so that the adhesive *just* misses the eyelashes ("So you don't leave here with bald eyes," the nurse tells me). Then, a device that keeps my eye pried open is inserted into my eye, while I'm told to make a "shocked" face to give it as little resistance as possible (meanwhile, my left eye is taped shut, making the task of making that face a little tricky).

At that point, a clear tube is placed over my eye, making a ring around what I can see. I'm told this will be suction, which will cause some pressure. Okay. It's not "some pressure" and "suction" is putting it mildly. It's a full-on vacuum that makes me lose my sight... slowly. THAT was the scariest fucking thing I've ever experienced. I immediately went into a panic attack, clutched my necklace, and started weeping uncontrollably. I knew I had drugs in my system that could keep me from going into full-blown panic attack mode and I knew that this was just temporary blindness (It had to be, right?) but this was a freakin' scary experience. The nurse calmly told me that the worst was over and then my cornea was sliced. The device was something like a cheese slicer, so that the initial cut at the base of my iris was the "hard part" and then the slicer went up both sides of my cornea at the same time, to the top of my iris where they stopped making the cut, in order to create the corneal flap.

Quickly, cool solution was poured into the tube over my eye, washing down into my right ear. Suction was removed and suddenly I could see the flashing red light again, only not so clearly as before. This is due to the fact that my cornea was flipped "up" at the flap. Now begins the laser.

Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop... you get the idea.

I am told by the nurse that this will go on for 38 seconds. She tells me when we're at 20, tells me I'm doing great, hang in there, all of that. Tells me when we're at 10 and then at five she counts down to zero. The laser is off, the red light continues to blink, and I smell tissue burning. It occurs to me, of course, that there's a reason for that smell: TISSUE IS BURNING. Duh.

Next, the flap is released back into place and my cornea is "brushed" back into position using a swab with some adhesive on it. The surgeon's stroke is very delicate and precise, from what I can see of it. It is clear he is trying to even out the area where the corneal flap should fuse back to the rest of my eye and making sure there are no bubbles or creases of any kind. More wash (a couple of kinds). Then the device holding my eye open is removed. Then the tape (OUCH!!!!) and after that my right eye is taped shut as my left one has been.

When we start the procedure on my left eye, the nurse alerts me to the fact that there is something called The Left Eye Phenomenon, wherein our brains somehow feel that the left eye hurts MORE than the right, to do, due to the fact that we now know what to expect.

Fascinatingly, the left eye hurt much LESS, mainly because I knew what to expect and didn't go into it with a panic attack over losing my sight during the suction portion of the procedure. No crying this time. 41 seconds instead of 38 this time. Same everything else.

And then we were finished. My right eye was uncovered and I was asked to sit up and look out the window. Through a milky haze (from the drops), I could see the buildings outside. I was then asked to see what time it was. 9:30. "Could you see the time before?" "I could probably have seen that there was a clock there, but that's about it."

I know they wanted me to be very impressed and thrilled, but I was just relieved it was over. I looked to the waiting room and there was Keith. He had watched everything. He said he wouldn't, but in the end he couldn't not watch, he said. He won't talk about it though. He said it was really disturbing and that he'd talk about it LATER (like his experiences in the Marines--needs some distance from them before they become conversational).

I was led out of the operating room and into recovery, where Keith joined me. The room was dark and my eyes were closed. He sat across from me and held my hands. I cried like a baby. Relief. Joy. Anticipation. Mostly relief. I lived through it.

***

HERE'S THE REST OF THE STORY (if you scrolled passed those details and are coming back here to finish the tale).

I'm told to stay in bed as much as possible Friday, while I recover. I'm sent home wearing racquetball goggles and I'm given a bag of various drops and supplies, with instructions (thank goodness Keith was listening). My first post-op appointment for checkup is scheduled for Saturday morning.

I snooze on the drive home. Keith gets me home and into bed, where I fall asleep quickly after eating some popcorn. I tell Keith I'll want some Jamba Juice and Pizza Bread when I next wake up. He checks on me a few times. I'm in and out of sleep (and surrounded by kitties, who can tell I need them). A few hours later, Keith comes in with my smoothie and bread and asks me what I can see. I see, behind him, the bookcase. I can read the spines of the books. Whoa. That's weird.

I get a few calls from friends who are checking on me during the day. That was really nice. I stayed pretty doped-up-and-sleeping as much as I could. When I got up for longer than a trip to the bathroom, I walked into the living room, stretched out on the sofa, and turned the TV on, just so I could hear it (not allowed to watch it or use the computer or anything still). Everything was still a little blurry, but I could definitely see. I felt physically well enough to be out, if I'd wanted to chance it, but I really believed I needed to follow doctor's orders to the letter. (Note: Last night Keith said it's a testament to how very scared I was, the fact that I actually did what someone told me to do, 100%. Rat bastard. Of course, he's right. I did those antibiotic and steroid drops every few hours, as prescribed, and NEVER took off the goggles, otherwise.)

To get a restful night's sleep, I took two Excedrin PM. I just didn't want to wake up 'til it was time to see the doc again. Woke up tired and groggy from the drugs (Yes, Excedrin PM is that hard on me.) and Keith drove me to the doctor's office for my post-op checkup.

I told Dr. Khanna that I'd felt, on the drive over, as though my vision was better in my right eye than my left eye. He said, "Well, it could mean that you have BETTER than 20/20 vision in your right eye. Let's find out." Of course, I was assuming that the right eye was great and the left eye would need more work or something.

We begin the eye chart test. Right eye: 20/15. Left eye: 20/20. Combined... and he dials down the screen to the tiniest print possible (tinier print than I knew existed on an eye chart) and asked what I could read there. I said, "The center letter is a T. That's very clear." And he sat back with a laugh, "20/10!"

Wow. Now I was giddy.

He peeled a paper-like strip off of a tablet and dipped it in a solution, then brushed the tip of the strip at the base of both irises (where the initial cuts were made in the surgery). Then he used a fluorescent light to determine how my scar tissue was doing. He made some dots on my chart, showing a higher concentration of scar tissue on my left eye than my right (makes sense, as my left eye does feel a little less comfortable than my left--and that's a TINY amount of discomfort, I'll have you know).

I asked if I needed to come back on Monday, as that's what's in the literature, for a second post-op visit. "Oh, no," Dr. Khanna said, "You're healing GREAT. You come see me on Friday." Wow. That's so cool. He gave me the clearance to drive and everything (I chose not to, just yet).

I asked, "Hey, what was my vision before? Like 20/what?" And he said, "Unchartable. See?" And showed me where he wrote a notation that without corrective lenses I didn't register, that Wednesday. He said my contacts had actually been too low a prescription this last time. Not by much, but by some.

I popped on my new doctor's-orders sunglasses and Keith and I hopped in the car and drove to Ikea, where we shopped for two hours. Then the post office. Then lunch. Then home.

I still limit my time on the computer and looking at TV (feels a little like strain, if I'm on for more than a couple of hours at a time), which is why it's been longer than anticipated for this update to come (Keith figured I'd be online as soon as we got home from the doc, rather than SHOPPING). We went for a walk last night and I didn't see halos or stars or anything around street lamps or any of the night-effects they warn of.

I can see. Well. I feel great. I continue my drops as prescribed and I am taking it easy. I had a hard time NOT going to take out my contact lenses last night before bed. It was weird, being able to take this vision with me to bed!

I love it.

I've read a lot of accounts of people who say they don't regret it once they do it and they wish they'd done it sooner, etc. All I can say is, I'm glad I did it when I did it, where I did it, and with the surgeon who did the fine work. This is amazing. The best $3500 I've ever spent. It is really dang amazing to see this well. First time since the mid-'80s for cryin' out loud!

It's awesome to see.

THANK YOU for all of the wonderful, healthy-eye vibes.
--
Bon
Weekly column at Showfax.com

"Then again, I also heard a lot about the results of alcohol consumption on repressed cultures which is basically that you've never seen a obnoxious drunk until you've seen an obnoxious drunk who isn't allowed to talk about his or her real feelings or needs while sober. At least American culture leaves room for being obnoxious drunk OR sober!" -- Sweet Dawn on her visit to Singapore, 27 September 2004

Posted by bonnie at 5:42 PM

October 1, 2004

In a Few Hours

I'll be under the knife. And the beam. And the influence of anti-anxiety drugs (I could use some of those right now). We were called today to be sure everything is in sync and I'm not backing out and all that. Ack... I'm so so so so skeeeert.

But that's normal.

I'm also excited.

Did a career consulting session today, followed by another interview for the book. That helped keep my mind off it all. Then a nap. Then a date with Keith at El Cholo--nice walk to and from. *sigh* Now watching the Silver Munkee chase her tail around the apartment, much to the annoyance of the elder kitties.

I'll sleep soon. I need to stop using my eyes now anyway. Even if I don't sleep, I need to be NOT looking at a computer screen.

Okay. Here goes. It feels like jumping off the high dive at the Hapeville Pool. I was so scared I was shaking... but I did it. And never regretted it.

*holding my breath*

Here goes.

Posted by bonnie at 12:05 AM

September 29, 2004

First Day of the Rest of my Sight

Please send all the healthy eye vibes you have over in my direction on Friday morning. I will be having flaps cut, lasers pointed at them, and scary "seal up" juice applied.

Ack!

When it's all over (well, 12-24 hours later), I should be seeing 20/20 to 20/15 for the first time since 1985.

Mainly send good vibes to the surgeon and his pointy tools. Yes, there will be Valium involved. Phew!

No computer allowed for 24 hours after, but phone calls to check on me are welcomed after 3pm (as I'll be up from my post-op nap by then, they say).

I'll try to post again before Friday morning. Ack! Ack! Ack! Must get next week's column done (early) in case there's weekend-residual no-see-dom.

Posted by bonnie at 5:24 PM

August 19, 2004

Coping Nicely

So, it seems I'm adjusting to The Life of Grey quite nicely so far. I've told a few people--most of whom hunt-and-peck like bad typists to try and find the silver strands (four of them, which I'm told does NOT a patch make) within my reddish, blondish, brownish whatnot--and they've all said something along the lines of, "You've arrived, " "You earned them all," or "No one will ever notice but you," to me. All true.

And then, when my friend who lost her hair during chemo while I watched (in addition to my new friend who also lost her hair during chemo and got it all back since then, in time for me to meet her) shows me how much she loves the grey she had "before the hair fell out" because it means she got her hair back... including that grey... I realize I've got nothing but stupid vanity issues going on. And, my goodness, if a casting director/writer needs to worry about things like wrinkles, grey hairs, and an extra few pounds... we're REALLY living in some parallel Hollywood universe.

I gave up visual-status ego crap when I stopped acting for a living. Or so I thought.

Viva la gris, baby! Viva la gris!

Posted by bonnie at 9:18 PM

July 8, 2004

Absolute Truth

Matzoh Ball Soup can fix anything.

Posted by bonnie at 12:23 PM

June 26, 2004

Well!

That's just plain rude!

So I go get my eyes checked, as it's time for new contacts (same prescription (Yay!) but I need new boxes of them) and I'm talking to the cute little 27-year-old chippie who is conducting the eye exam. Seems my eyes, in the past year, have become less tolerant of contact lenses, despite the fact that we have a nice, 17-year history of working well together. I've gone from being able to wear my contacts for 18-hour days (or longer) to now having to take them out after about five hours, which really means I'm wearing glasses all the time. Why do I wear contacts? BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WEARING GLASSES!

Okay, so I'm thinking the reason I'm having more trouble with my contacts this year is because they changed the base curve of the lenses at last year's exam, saying that the lenses needed to sit up higher on my eyeballs. I'm sure if we just switch back, all will be fine.

"Maybe," the cute doctor says. "But, also, as you get older, your eyes lose their ability to lubricate your lenses as well."

Oh no she didn't.

Ouch.

Posted by bonnie at 3:46 PM

May 17, 2004

Three and Two

That's the number of Vicodin (three) and Excedrin (two) that, at once, are too many for my body to handle.

Ugh.

At least my eye socket stopped throbbing/twitching (it has been doing so pretty much daily since April 13th).

I think I liked it better when I took a muscle relaxer and went to bed. Don't know whether that stopped the throb/twitch thing, but it sure as hell felt better than the trip the Three and Two are putting me through.

Ugh.

Posted by bonnie at 8:50 PM

April 27, 2004

The Suck That Is a Migraine

I swear, a migraine is a life-sucking bit of hell. This was a FIVE DAY MIGRAINE. Ugh. I can only hope it is ACTUALLY over. I did leave the house tonight. Had to. I hope I don't have a rebound. I did on Sunday. Hardcore. Ugh.

I have news, but none worth risking the rebound-migraine-from-staring-at-the-screen-so-long to share. Yet.

Lemme get through the next couple of hours in order to see whether I'm stable enough to catch all up.

Oh, the one cool big thing is... the first film I ever cast will have its big screening on Saturday night. I am SO. DAMN. PROUD. *contented sigh*

Posted by bonnie at 11:45 PM

April 24, 2004

Migraine

Dammit.

Hate migraines. HATE. MIGRAINES.

Did a rescue mission for my old comments on Haloscan and got them back up, even if the export feature didn't deliver. *shrug* What do you expect for $12?

Since I'd sprung for the upgrade in order to get my old comments back, I decided to add Haloscan Commenting to my Shows I've Seen blog. We'll see how that goes. Need to add details about Thursday's show (and there are plans for another show tonight... but I have to get vertical first).

*sigh*

Doing homework on phpBB for a new forum/venture I have starting up.

Need to write my next Showfax column (which they tell me is actually The Actors Voice with NO apostrophe--kill me now).

And need to effin' feel better. That's the main thing. Dammit.

Oh, and we were out of power for most of the day yesterday. And it hit 90 degrees. Ugh. No wonder, the migraine!

Back to bed.

Posted by bonnie at 2:23 PM

November 30, 2003

Oh, Crap

I'm sicker again. How the hell does this happen? I'm feeling better, I'm thinking I may be at the end of this thing, and then it hits me: I'm awash in a feverish thud and my head feels like it wants to expose its insides ala coconut begging to be milked.

Ugh. Can't take it. Did I push too hard today? Jesus. Sitting up and coming into the living room instead of staying in bed all day is pushing? How am I to get anything done? This just sucks. I keep hearing that people are needing a month to get rid of the current strain of flu going around... but I keep thinking I don't have THAT flu. God, if I do, this is only the half-way point. Crap on a cracker, that just bites.

Posted by bonnie at 10:03 PM

November 20, 2003

Still soooooooo sick

Ugh. Can't even stand it. And now Keith's got it. Ugh... me no likee. Sickee. Ugh.

Posted by bonnie at 11:25 AM

November 17, 2003

Sick as a Dog

Why? Where did I get this disgusting ailment? Ugh. Can't leave bed except to visit the bathroom, and you don't want to know what happens when I'm in there. Bleh.

Interesting that this timing corresponds with Der Ahhnold taking office.

No. Comment.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHIP! I love you! Have fun.

Posted by bonnie at 10:52 AM

August 29, 2003

Migraines Still Suck

Day three. Very very ill.

They caught the blaster worm guy, a 320-lb., 6'4" teenager. Wow. Shouldn't he be playing football?

Archie does not like pugs.

That is all.

Posted by bonnie at 8:14 PM

August 28, 2003

Migraines Suck

Migraines suck, but watching Victoria Principal kick ass in Earthquake does not suck. Or, it sucks in a different way. I like watching scenes shot in my 'hood as it was 30 years ago.

Did I mention I saw The Shootist a couple of weeks ago while in Joshua Tree? I'd never seen it before. BTW, Joshua Tree appears to be washing away. Dang. That's some flooding!

Migraines suck. Too sick to my tummy to do anything, can't see anything for very long before it gets a halo around it, can't sleep because my eye won't stop twitching, and I can't take anything to make it all go away. Grr.

Just grr.

Posted by bonnie at 6:13 PM

June 2, 2003

Happy Girl

Keith just made fried rice-a-flower (Atkins-approved, using cauliflower instead of rice) and I have a happy happy belly.

Today was day one of downtime. Makes me very happy to have time to get some things done and also to relax just a little bit. I worked on the second book, organized the rest of the paperwork I had floating around from the show, threw out a lot of things I had no reason to hang onto, and started making some good plans for Quinn's visit next week. I'm sooo excited!!

Ah... okay, happy belly and a nice day to catch up on a lot of stuff... and time to ramp up for finishing the book this week (ack!)... please feel free to place wagers on that happening, but I really do feel good about the run of time I have to put into it these next few days.

Doing Atkins at 100% and feeling great. I learned, after seeing someone at the office go on and defiantly off Atkins in the five weeks I was working with her, that it really just has to be the right match for you, if it's going to work. So, I don't need to tell anyone to do it in order for it to work for me... which it does. Just ask the 27 pounds no longer on my bod. Woo hoo!

Posted by bonnie at 4:17 PM

January 6, 2003

Ponderosa...

So...

Why is it that "TNT Knows Drama" and who made that declaration?

Why is it that, during "Law & Order" on TNT, TNT can run an alert sound (ala the FCC Emergency Alert System) and then scroll across the screen that "A Storm Is Coming... George Clooney stars in 'The Perfect Storm' on TNT..." and not be sued? God I hate AOL.

Yes, I blame AOL. Not Turner. He was always whacked. The evil advertising is all AOL's fault.

I drove through the greatness of In-n-Out today and ordered a Double Double "protein style." Aw, yeah, baby! They wrapped two burger patties with cheese and all the fixins up in a bunch of lettuce and served it with a smile. Damn, I love LA.

I am still sick, but I do not believe it is strep throat anymore.

I know that Splenda made me sick. Twice. I have a pretty severe allergic reaction to the fake sugar stuff, so I recommend that anyone who has ever had any kind of food sensitivity start with a small bit of Splenda before investing in a big package of it (it's pretty pricey).

Okay, so for the second time since beginning Atkins living, Splenda has made me sick-in-bed-for-a-day sick. Well, I guess my immunity was worn down enough that my bod got a throat/sinus thingy too. And then the Santa Ana Winds kicked up with a vengance (haven't let up yet) and, with the weather hiting 90 degrees this weekend, my allergies just blew out. BIG TIME. I've had the air conditioning on constantly to try and cut the heat of my body right now, but I've become convinced that Atkins eating has reset my resting metabolism to a higher level. I no longer have cold feet, cold hands, cold nose... I am officially "going through the change" (as my mom would say) at the ripe ol' age of 32.

Well, this morning, a casting director called me back from my call on Friday about doing an interview. He sounded like I do: like Suzanne Pleshette had gargled glass, smoked a pack of Pall Malls, and French kissed Bea Arthur.

I said, "How are you?" He replied, "Better than I sound." "Hey, me too!" I said. And we decided to meet anyway. At the start of our interview, he offered me a Sucrets. Dayum, that shiite is strong!

Anyway, I noticed, after taking a Sucret, that a stuffed monkey was sitting on the edge of this man's desk, facing me. I tried not to look at it. I mean, c'mon... I'm conducting an interview here!

He mentioned something about his schedule and checked his computer monitor, on which was taped a picture of a sock monkey with the slogan "I fling poo" underneath its big red mouth.

How the eff am I supposed to conduct an interview in these conditions?!? Tee heeeeeeeeeee.

Well, I handled it okay, methinks.

Oh, and I got a raise. I am now officially making MORE than $0.10/word for my work at Back Stage West for the first time in three years.

Bout damn time.

Where's my Nyquil?
--
Bon
The Book Is Here!

Rose Knows: "All in all, people are weird. Thus, literature." - November, 2002, Somesuch-Whatnot

Posted by bonnie at 6:56 PM

December 27, 2002

Self-Esteem Killer

Didja ever notice how many dang weight-loss commercials start airing between Christmas and New Year's Day? I swear, they must blow a huge part of their annual advertising budget during that six-day period. And does it work?

I don't know. I've never started any sort of weight-loss diet or exercise programs in conjunction with the new year. I always start stuff up in the fall, it seems. Y'know... that whole October thing.

Anyway, that's my bit for the moment. Still pet-sitting Helmt, my favorite pug. We're having a great day in a gorgeous house!

Posted by bonnie at 3:23 PM

December 21, 2002

Wow.

That's all I can say. Wow.

I have now experienced the shift from "feeling ill" to feeling better than I have felt in my entire life. It's really amazing. Honestly, I have not had this level of energy, this confidence, this drug-free high in years. If this is any indication of how I will feel by ending my carbohydrate and sugar addiction, it matters not to me if I lose an ounce. The feeling is better than any other reward. What great energy!

So, my metabolism learned how to burn stored fat instead of whatever I have eaten. Turns out the amount of carbs I ate yesterday was actually 11g. less than I thought (I've learned you are to deduct fiber grams from total carbs before coming up with your day's total). So, not at all a back-slide... just about 10g. over target.

After the two week induction period is up, I will begin to raise my carb intake by 5g./day per week until I stop losing weight. Once I'm at that "stall level" (up to 45g. carbs/day), I will then lower back by 5g. and continue to lose weight at a slower, more healthy pace, now that my body has learned how to more efficiently burn its own fat before heading to the foods I've just eaten.

So very very very happy. Not drinking enough water, though. Spent the morning taking care of our friends who brought their son home from the hospital. He looks great, but the amount of bone they took from his tiny six month old skull is just amazing. Parents needed some "pitching in" kind of help, which we were glad to give.

Then we went to Target to pick up new jeans for Keith and... wow... we found king flannel sheet sets for $25. We bought two. So awesome!! Then off to babysit Angus who is one of my very favorite furry clients. We stopped by Carl's Jr. and bought burgers we ended up taking the buns off of to eat... and strangely, I was satisfied. Amazing that a week ago, I'd have had a burger (and its buns), fries, and about a third of Keith's Dr. Pepper and would still be searching around for a piece of chocolate after. AH-MAY-ZING.

Got home to learn that one of the many many many letters I wrote earlier this month, begging for help with the treachery that is my misreported credit information on my credit report, has yielded a state senator who is very interested in my story and who has already contacted Experian and Fair Isaac on my behalf, the latter of which contacted me and asked for me to fax over a couple of items referenced in my ten page chronology of two and a half years worth of events which has led me to this point. He called back at 5pm, just before leaving the office, to say that I absolutely have an actionable claim (if not several) and that he will be working with me, disclosing full information about my FiCo score and the way all three credit reporting agencies are reporting my credit, in order to arm me with as much information as possible to finally set the record straight. Thank God, I may have found a way to get this crap fixed. Finally.

Not holding my breath, but certainly feeling more optimistic than the eleven other times I've sent out a letter detailing these issues and been met with, "Oh, yeah. We fixed that. Sorry," and a new report generated three months later with the exact same errors.

Okay, getting late and I need sleep. Toodles, my doodles!

Posted by bonnie at 2:02 AM

December 20, 2002

My Day, the Rollercoaster

Ugh.

Starts out fair. I'm nauseas from the change in my diet. I have no appetite whatsoever, which normally would be a good thing...except here in Atkins land, where the goal is 2000 calories and 20g. carbs/day.

Finally get up, after Keith brings me a breakfast of bacon and eggs (again). We head out to visit a friend in the hospital but get a call as we're out the door that he's been discharged. Yay! So, we change our plans a bit and head out to run errands.

Cranky car time, as the two of us are totally feeling the emotional element of changing our diets. We snapped at each other and acted like brats over stupid stuff, but we survived it.

Did several errands, including the market, where we spent $100 on the tiniest cart of food I've ever seen for that amount. Steak is pricey. Spices and seasonings are WAY pricey. I guess I got spoiled on the low low cost of high-carb foods.

Started feeling really ill while at the market. Any time I stood still for more than a few seconds, I got nauseas. And then I started doing a big hot flash sort of sweat like some menopausal freak of nature. Keith assured me that this was an indication of my body's shifting metabolic process. Instead of burning the sugars and carbs in my stomach, my body is burning its stored fat. Let's hope so!

Anyway, came home and had a series of happy successes, making easy recipes from one of the many low-carb eating websites. I entered my meals into the amazing calorie/carb calculator on another of those great websites and felt like a goddess of low-carb living. I checked my urine with KetoStix and learned that I am, in fact, WAY in ketosis, which is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Now, all through this, I ended up being in a better mental state about feeling ill, realizing that it was just my body adjusting...which is a good thing.

Then, after a dinner time kitchen disaster that I did not let get to me (I blame it on insufficient instructions for the newbie cook that I am in the recipe itself, coupled with the fact that I am not yet intuitive enough to know how to make up for lack of info), I decided to move forward with another recipe and have a different dinner than I'd planned. Yum!

And then I entered its ingredients into the carb counter. Insert dramatic, suspenseful music. Yup. I doubled the carb count I'm to shoot for each day, during induction. Now, Keith assures me that, even with this higher carb day, I'm still at a lower carb level than I would've been on my pre-Atkins days (when I ate very little food...all of it carb-dense). So, I'm blogging now to try and remind myself of the whole day, not just that last little bit. My own "letter to myself" pep talk.

Okay, here's the thing: I've been emailed by several people who've read my blog and who want to know more about Atkins. Here are links to the sites that have been a great help to me:

Low Carb Eating
Low Carb Luxury
Calorie King (I actually like this one for looking up calorie and carb counts restaurant foods...it will floor you how much some of your "lite" favorites have)
Low Carb
Atkins Friends
Suzanne's (the cheapest place I've found for the Atkins Advantage bars)
Fit Day (home of the awesome daily counter/goal analysis tools)

There are shopping lists, recipe ideas, etc. But here's the MAIN thing for INDUCTION (first two weeks, minimum...and possibly as much as the first six months, if you can stand it): no more than 20 grams of carbs per day.

Basically, for induction: no bread, no sugar, no white anything (no potatoes, rice, flour, etc.) and no fruit. That part's hard for me, as I had become a smoothie junky in the past few months.

Anyway, there are a kajillion sites out there, but these are the ones that have helped me the most. I spent a lot of time doing research on Atkins before choosing it (three months of research...really)! And there are other low-carb plans: Carbohydrate Addict's Lifestyle Program, The Zone, Caveman-Eating, you name it. But Atkins is the grandpa of them all...and between Mr. Atkins and Mr. Pilates, I am following the old boys around faithfully.

Enough with the diet stuff!

In other news, it's raining again in Hollywood. El Nio is back in action. Keith's play opened tonight and he feels really good about how it went. I'm very proud of him. He has an audition Saturday for an excellent role in what looks to be an exceptional grad film at USC...and he's almost out of his first round of headshots. Time for more! That's pretty quick. The book has been selling steadily. We're getting several sales from the website, an ad, promotional pushes we've done, and word of mouth each week. Can't wait to see what happens when the book is officially in stores next month!

The kitties are good. They're spending extra cuddle time with me, which is so sweet, seeing as I'm mopey right now. I miss Mom a bunch, but I also am healing. It's all part of the process. I've hung holiday cards and photos up on the walls as our holiday decorations. So festive! And a tradition Mom and I always did. She would wait until I came home from college, even, so that I could climb on a chair and hang cards up on the beams in the den.

Oh! Looks like Orphans' Christmas is on after all! Yay! Keith will do the turkey again this year and we'll gather (as many Christians as Jews) in a festive "LA family" kind of way that has become very special to me. I truly enjoy my time spent with the family I've chosen.

Okay, a few more things to do and then to bed. Big day tomorrow and I'm happy going into the night that will lead to it. And that's the best anyone can ask for, isn't it?
--
Bon

"Welcome to the humiliating world of professional writing." - Homer J. Simpson, food critic, to Lisa, his ghost writer

Posted by bonnie at 12:36 AM

December 16, 2002

Dammit, I Want a Brownie!

Day two of Atkins... ugh. Honestly, so far so good. But, MAN can I taste those delicious brownies an online friend sent over last week. Hmmmmmm.

So, I'll Blog. Why not?

Gearing up for Devin's Project which will launch in the new year. Not sure if I'm going to migrate my "Don't Get Me Started" columns or start something totally new. I have a couple of weeks to decide, I s'pose.

Rainy day today in Hollywood. I like it like that.

Well, I have even less to say than I imagined I would. Hmph. How 'bout that?

Cheers,

-Bon.

Posted by bonnie at 10:34 PM

February 23, 2002

Coke Cake

2 c. Flour
2 c. Sugar
1 tsp. Cinnamon
2 sticks margarine, softened
4 tbsp. Cocoa
1 c. Coke
1 c. Buttermilk
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. Vanilla

Use any chocolate fudge icing or, if you make your icing from scratch, use Coke as a source of liquid and sweetness, as it will really add to the "theme" of each bite.

Preheat to 400F
Sift flour, sugar, cinnamon
Melt marg in saucepan, add cocoa & Coke & bring to rapid boil
Pour over flour mix & stir
Add buttermilk, eggs, baking soda, vanilla - mix well
Pour into 9x13 pan, bake 20 min.
cool & ice

Sooooo ungodly yummy.

Posted by bonnie at 2:40 PM | Comments (0)

February 3, 2002

Thank you, Chip for the 411 on the P'Zone. I think we'll do the rest of the English Muffin Mini Pizzas here tonight, but consider that for another day. Gotta get past the whole, "Rooty Tooty Fresh-n-Fruity" aspect of the name.

I am so going to try The Grit's Yeast Gravy... but see, I don't cook. I even have a George Foreman Grill and haven't used it (it was a housewarming gift... uh... 10 months ago). Not that I would use the Grill for the Gravy, but you see what I'm trying to say about cooking and me.

I'm still happy about having found the Chick-fil-A in Redondo Beach. Yum, yum, and more yum.

Posted by bonnie at 8:23 PM | Comments (0)

August 10, 2000

Acceptance

All righty! (So tempted to type "alrighty" as one word, but since alright is not a word, I guess I have to extend my hyper-anal-about-non-existent-words-like-awholenother to stuff like "righty" too!) Okay, so back to what I was starting to write: Just finished two weeks of pet-sitting, have a day at home, then another four days of pet-sitting again (cats this time). I've also had more auditions in the past few days than I'd had in weeks or even months back in the spring. In the immortal words of Farmer Ted, "This is getting good." [Yes, that's a "16 Candles" reference. Can't help it.]

Haven't been to Krav Maga since before Dawn left for Greece (in June). She's back, and it's time to get back to it, but I'm still working out some issues revealed on our "lost weekend" in Coronado. I'll be back there, just not 'til I figure it all out.

Accepting my body has been an amazing tool in furthering my career. The folks in charge of this crazy business are responding more to this confidence than they ever did to a smaller waistline. Who knew! Now, I just have to work on my stand-up act. The only thing that seems to get laughs is whatever is on my mind that day. If I write it down or rehearse at all, it's no longer funny. But my stream-of-consciousness babble works tremendously well.

I now, officially, have fans. For that reason, I am going to separate out my website into Private and Public sectors. I just got really weirded out after the play one night, when I was pawed at, hugged, and stopped by dozens of people on the way out of the theatre. I mean, I love knowing my work has touched someone, I was just unprepared for the comfort others felt in my personal space after sharing that time in the theatre. So, I have to realize that this is what I asked for, this is the life I've prayed for, worked for, and planned for. Now, I have to be ready for all aspects of that life. So, that's what I'm working on right now. Once I make these sites separate, you can email me for a password to the private one. Coming soon....

Posted by bonnie at 5:11 PM

April 21, 2000

The Religion of Dieting

Back from Hotlanta w/ renewed spirit. Ready to accept the challenge posed to me by Dawn wherein I spend an entire day NOT thinking about my weight. What a concept!

Here's what I wrote while in Atlanta: "To All the Diets I've Trusted Before"... cottage cheese & beets, potatoes, slim fast, fibar, fasting, anorexia, bulimia, excel herbs, jenny craig, atkins, instant soups / drinks / bars, star caps, metabolife, ayurvedic eating, blood type eating, carbohydrate addict's program, the zone, oprah's program, redux, fen-phen, pondamin, taping a tachyon disk to my torso, meditation, acupressure, affirmations, breaking free, callanetics, walking, jogging, aerobics, weight training, personal trainer, cardio, dance, yoga, krav maga... MASOCHISM... Diet has been my religion. Weight, my God. I go from church to temple to church, looking for the path that saves me, all the while cursing God for saddling me with this burden. When, in fact, the burden is the burdener. By cursing what it does to me, I validate its very existence and invite it to stay longer, deeper rooted, invested in my struggle. I pray every day, where prayer means speaking to my God. I've chosen diet to define me rather than just being, and letting diet just be, both of us independent of the other. Father-Mother God and Holy Spirit, assist me in living my life free from the obsession over weight, diets, numbers on a scale, or printed on a clothing tag, NOW. Thank you. I don't buy into your sales pitch any more, diet. You're slick and manipulative and the brochure looks so good. But I've been burned by your bait and switch to such an extent that I no longer seek ANY church sanctioned by your religion.

Totally unrelated to weight, but a question I'm pondering of late: Why is it that guys believe, when an attractive woman smiles, is friendly, and makes eye contact during conversation, that this is an invitation to sleep with her? I suppose I should be grateful that I am found appealing instead of repulsive, but it's really starting to piss me off. If I want to have a conversation w/ someone, male or female, shouldn't I be able to do so w/o having to then fend off a sleazy proposal? I really wonder what kind of "vibe" I'm putting out there that this is considered an appropriate advance.

Someone recently asked me why I didn't like dating out here... this is a big part of it. And maybe geography has nothing to do with it. I just don't remember there being this assumption that my interaction was indicative of a need for Hot Sex Now. And then I'm made to feel like a bitch for NOT wanting to hand over my phone number! Any ideas, gang?

Just so you'll know, I'm in a great place, having had a blissful visit home and feeling completely recharged. Nice to get away... and get back!

Posted by bonnie at 5:09 PM

March 28, 2000

Plans

Recovering from the Oscar Party, but otherwise still sticking to the "type" foods and Krav Maga. I'd like to add in Pilates classes at the KM Center, but that's an extra $10 a month -- so I'll wait until I've gone to Hotlanta and come back, then add it on.

I'm feeling bad about my body right now b/c I guess I'd hoped I'd be much thinner when I got to see may family again. I really believed that I'd have not only gotten below the 175 I weighed when I left in December of 1998, but that I'd have gone even farther south on the scale. Haven't weighed myself in two months, but I'd guess I'm above, not below, that mark. Not by much, and not by enough for anyone to even notice... except for me. Of course, I know my fam will be so glad to see me happy and healthy, it won't even be an issue. I also have to remind myself that my muscle weight is higher than fat. Numbers don't matter, it's how you feel, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Anyway, I know I'll be recharged by the trip home. I need it! I'm hopeful that I'll get my DMV smog impact fee refund before I go, so that I don't have to charge the flight. No matter what, though, I'm going! And the best thing will be getting to sleep with my head in my Momma's lap, being baby-talked as I nap. There is no age at which I will outgrow that!

Recent kitchen conquests: chicken w/ currants and cous cous, more variations on the silken tofu smoothies, and a much-too-heavy-on-the-cilantro black bean dip.

Posted by bonnie at 5:08 PM

March 18, 2000

Blood Type

Now that Dawn and I are up to two Krav Maga sessions per week, and I'm a week into the Blood Type Diet, things are really starting to feel "right". I'm still sore after a hard workout, but it's such a good feeling. Mom asked how my hands looked these days - well, of course, they're taking on the look of non-hand-model hands. I guess that's okay, though. I hadn't been getting a lot of work in that arena lately anyway.

I wasn't aware that D'Adamo had such loud critics until I spent an insomniac night online. Still, this Blood Type Diet is amazing. I remember trying it for a month in 1998 and getting physically ill when I ate a large number of "poison" foods in one meal. I was shocked that my body had become that accustomed to my "medicine" foods. Shortly after that experience, I joined Jenny Craig, so I didn't stick it out. This time, I've actually bought a blender, a cooking pot, a chopping block, and a can opener, so that I can COOK. The recipes in his new book range from simple to complex, but they're all yummy (so far). What I've done is attempt the easiest recipes first, to build my confidence in the kitchen. I feel SO good eating "on type" that I'm eager to press on.

So far, I've made: silken tofu smoothies, olive oil mayo, cold grilled chicken salad, sesame garlic chicken, apple grape smoothies, and cucumber yogurt soup. I am SO proud! And since all of this food acts as medicine in my system, my energy is very high. I am punching harder and with more passion. I am needing less sleep. And, with the exception of the emotional effects of my recent break-in (see News page), I am in a great place, emotionally. I miss potatoes and tomatoes like crazy -- and I know I'll have to sneak a shrimp, a crab leg, a cashew or two in there from time to time -- but I think it's worth it. You know I don't miss cheese at all! The coolest thing about this, is I'm not to have olives or cheese, and I hate both -- so that's my own body telling me what's best for it, before I even asked. No milk - just soy milk. Fine! I'd already changed over anyway (thanks, Dawn).

Well, I guess that's all for journals today... there's more to say, but I'm feeling that this is enough for the moment.

Posted by bonnie at 5:08 PM

March 7, 2000

Badass

I get it now. I'm not weak. I'm strong. And I'm not even "just strong" -- I'm a badass. How empowering! Thank you, Father!

Posted by bonnie at 5:07 PM

March 4, 2000

Process

My knuckles are badly bruised. I'm feeling extremely narcissistic about my hands. This is an amazing feeling. I love having hit something so hard and with so much fire that it didn't even occur to me to protect my formerly fragile wrists. At the end of a very frustrating week, the last thing I wanted to do was Krav Maga. Dawn made me go -- and thank goodness she did! Totally worth it. I'm sore today, but it's so very gratifying.

Last week's emotional melt-down came when I'd pounded Dawn so hard the instructor came over and took her place holding the pad. I sent him reeling. When I recoiled, I went way deep into a corner of myself and began to weep. The instructor sweetly asked if I were hurt - when the last thing I wanted was attention. Dawn asked if we should leave -- and I said no, knowing that I would never come back if I were to leave. This is exactly why I began this process -- to finish it. There is no giving up when it gets hard.

Of course, there's this overwhelming fear of NOT having this soul-gripping block in my life. I've become so comfortable with it, so accustomed to living with it, that I fear how to live without it. What if, in eliminating the block, I lose something innately "Bonnie" about me? You know, that seemed like a good question a week ago, but just typing it right now, it seems a ridiculous thing to even ask. Good. That's progress. And that's the idea. Each day brings me closer to the time when this pain is dissolved. Yes, there will always be new hurts to put in its place, but they're ones I'll conquer quickly, compared to this. Of course, I may not recognize my life without this block. That's GOOD. That's FINE. That's the POINT!

So, I continue forward....

Posted by bonnie at 5:06 PM

February 13, 2000

Reverence

Gary Zukov says that the soul needs four things. Harmony (with Intention... not in the way that we'll do whatever it takes to keep conflict from happening, but that it is our intention to have love and harmony in our lives, so we don't engage the driver who's filled with road rage -- man, that's big in LA); Cooperation (it's the goal that causes us to be together for this moment in time); Sharing (and not the little stuff that we can do without -- the things that make up our very soul); and Reverence for Life (seeing beyond the "Earth Suit" when we see others and - most importantly - ourselves in the mirror).

My favorite point he makes about Reverence is that we can never do anything to harm what we revere. So, do I revere myself? Not when I'm cruel or filled with self-hatred over a few pounds. I'm so happy to know that I am so much more than my physical body. In fact, I am so NOT my physical body. Any judgment I lay on myself is not really on My Self. It's on my body. And that is not ME.

The reason I start out on this today is because, after one session of Krav Maga, I became very ill. Now, I haven't been sick like this for quite some time. I know what happened. In fact, I felt it happen during the workout. As soon as the drill went from technique to application, I had to punch and kick a pad held by a man. Although he was extremely helpful in coaching me, the point is, he's a man... he's playing the attacker... and I'm having to defend myself physically. It just opened up wounds I've kept sealed for years.

See, my body has protected me from having to be in that situation again. And now, learning how to handle myself, in case lightening strikes twice, I've become too ill to learn more. What is it that my body will do, once its main duty has become obsolete? Well, it's panicking, for damn sure.

I'm both frustrated and thankful, because I know that my body is only doing what I've asked it to do for almost 14 years -- keep me safe. But, at the same time, I really do want to do this. Numerologically, I'm in my emotional year, so it's about time to do the dirty work and get past this bullshit. And I'm now I'm pissed at having wasted time and money -- and for having delayed Dawn's start date too. So, maybe that's what it's taking for me to get to the point where I CAN do this, being pissed off enough to take control of this situation, that on some level, has controlled me for far too long.

God, I hope so. I am so ready to not be dealing with this. So, soul, I'm laying out my INTENTION to work through the pain and stop fearing entry into it. I REVERE myself enough to no longer harm myself by inaction. Looking the other way has taught me many lessons, and I do not regret one day of my life in denial, but it's time to learn in a different way. Starting now.

Posted by bonnie at 5:06 PM

December 13, 1999

Jenny Craig

I've just returned from Jenny Craig. Yep, back on the proverbial horse. A friend of mine, inspired by my weight loss last year, began a program to lose 52 lbs. in 1999. And she has! So, when I went to my annual exam last week and had put back on 17 of the 37 lbs. I'd lost, I knew that my idea that I could manage my weight without a program was just a dream. For now at least. Since I need the structure of a program, and Jenny Craig has worked quite well for me in the past, I decided to head back.

Here's the cool thing: I thought I'd go back with my proverbial tail between my legs, feeling ashamed for having "failed". Instead, I went in with enthusiasm and renewed commitment, excited for the opportunity to resume my success-filled path. I know that I am a happier person when I'm lighter (I'm not constantly obsessed and mean to myself). And I know I CAN do it. I have before. So, no ultimatums, no threats, no promises... just the assurance that I will be gentle with myself, be proud to have "only" done a bit of damage (and still look damn good, by the way), and be happy to be on the right path -- the one that leads AWAY from obsession. That's an unhealthy trait, and one I'm willing to let go of, once and for all.

Oh, I'm also starting a self-defense class with some friends in January. I'm really looking forward to that, as it will allow me to conquer my demons about being vulnerable AND be a good workout AND have me doing something social with my supportive, loving friends. I'm truly blessed! And proud to be at this point in my life... it's been a great journey. How thrilling!

Posted by bonnie at 5:04 PM

December 4, 1999

Diet or Life

I cannot even believe that the end of the year is here. This has been an amazing journey! I've done Jenny Craig, daily exercise, workout with a trainer at the gym, Callanetics, Pilates, yoga, starvation, Star Caps, Protein Diet, Carb Addict Lifespan Program... oy vey! This is nuts. If, instead of my diets, I were to measure this year by my LIFE, I'd say that everything has been Joyous! What a gift my life is!

Posted by bonnie at 5:04 PM

October 3, 1999

Forward Motion

Well, I think I've resolved myself to the fact that I'm in my size 14 jeans again. I'm trying to be happy with that, knowing that it's all a matter of how I FEEL about myself that really matters. Oh, in fact, I wrote a little something in my "old fashioned" journal that I'll share here...

I'm truly perplexed by the bullshit of being stuck in my negative body image. It's so very frustrating to know on the one hand that I am my spirit - not my body... filled with self love and wonderment for the miracle that is my life and God's universe... then on the other, feel so ugly and fat and poor and devoid of options in every arena. God, I KNOW better. I know that it's not my body that will get me happiness - not my hips that will determine my status on this planet. God - it's such bullshit to even argue the issue! I keep going back and forth! There's a part of me that wants to go out and exercise - starve myself - get "back on track" to the size 12 that makes me feel like I have a right to take up space on this planet. Then there's a part of me that says, "Fuck it! Be happy BEING - and know that this is an illusion anyway - don't buy into it - just LIVE." And I'm totally THERE... and then I put on the tight size 14 jeans again - and suddenly I'm stepping on the scale that reads 205... wondering why I wasted thousands of dollars losing 36 lbs. last year - only to undo it all once I moved out here - where it matters more than it ever could have in Athens. I HATE this going back and forth thing. It's torture. If I could be 100% obsessed or 100% okay with me - that'd be deal-with-able. It's the back and forth that kills me. It's fucking torture and I don't know what to do!

And later that day...

A-ha! This experiment, this life experiment of hating my body - here's what this is about!! It's to teach myself this: I do not LOVE unconditionally. If I loved unconditionally - loved ALL people and things - I would also love ME!!

The next day...

Okay, I've figured out which voice it is that keeps me obsessed AND why it's so hard to shut it up: When I want to fight a parking ticket - even after it's been paid; when I want to argue my side of the story to someone who believes a lie about me - even though we haven't spoken in two months; when I want to send a collector out to retrieve my $1000 from a company that stiffed me; these are examples of the FAIRNESS VOICE. This voice truly believes that life is fair and that a good argument can always prove your case, causing everyone else to gasp, "Oh! We were SO wrong!" Now - any time I indulge that voice by even entertaining the thought that it's right (like when I imagine what I'd say to a judge about my hours worked or all the things I'd point out to a former friend about another's lies or what I'd say to convince the parking bureau that they were mistaken) I further its hold on my spirit. It's like, just by engaging it, I've opened myself up to letting that voice be MY voice. And that is where weight obsession comes in. If I let the voice in - then it starts in on how physical means will supply physical results - and I get obsessed over money and my body and all sorts of mess. And it's much harder to shut up a voice that was allowed to speak when building a case for all the other stuff.

Then I got interrupted. Then wrote...

Had to answer a call... working on Days of Our Lives today.

Now, if that's not evidence of the universe answering when we really HIT ON IT... I don't know what is. So, I'm getting there.

Posted by bonnie at 4:59 PM

September 2, 1999

120 Days

So, I'm walking on the UCLA campus, remembering the feeling of walking in Athens one year ago with Sloane. She and I fantasized about how it would get colder, we'd layer ourselves in bundling - clothes, and as Spring brought warmer weather, we'd peel off the layers to reveal our strong, slim bodies to all of our neighbors who'd watched us begin our plight, walking slowly, sweating profusely, cursing our excess weight. I'm lighter than I was a year ago, but not at the goal I'd once set. Still, I refuse to beat myself up over that fact. Instead, I remind myself that it was only a matter of days, fewer than 100, before I noticed a big difference in my performance on my walks, the looseness of my jeans, and the promise of self-love down the line somewhere.

So, here's what I've done... I've mapped out a plan for the 120 days left in 1999. Callanetics every morning and every night, a walk every day, and each bite taken only after answering the question, "Will this make me feel good?" Now, sometimes the answer to that question will be "No," and I'll probably go ahead and eat the chocolate anyway... but it will be a conscious decision, not a mindless, numbing process of killing my emotional pain with food. It's like Dr. Phil says on Oprah, "We do what works." I put weight on to make myself feel safe from the unwanted advances of unscrupulous men. I choose to keep it on to protect myself in that manner. But I know better, mentally, since I receive just as much attention from the opposite sex at 200 lbs. as at 150 lbs. It's not a matter of insulation or protection... now it's a matter of habit (taking care of myself with food).

In these 120 days, I commit to physical activity, including my beloved yoga, and loving choices with regard to food. The whole world can change in less than 120 days. Why not my body? Or at least, at long last, my respect for it.

Posted by bonnie at 4:57 PM

July 20, 1999

Moved

In the new place, walking everywhere, gym membership, trainer, yoga, pilates, and eating pretty much whatever I want. No changes in numbers, but, man do I feel good!

Posted by bonnie at 4:56 PM

May 5, 1999

Cinco de Mayo

Well, I thought I was brave and courageous and ready to conquer things. Turns out I'm just as scared as ever. Plus homesick. So, here I sit, belly swollen from all the chocolate I've ingested, and facing another dreaded weigh-in tomorrow. I should be proud of having lost 36 lbs. and hanging out at this weight for 2 months. Instead, I'm so mad at myself for not continuing toward my goal weight. Why can I not just love myself right now, as I am, and trust that everything will work out? What am I so afraid of? Why does this have to be so hard? I'd be really pissed if it weren't for the fact that almost EVERY woman faces this issue. At least I know I'm not alone. Sure feels that way sometimes, though. At other times, I'm enjoying singing with my friends, being consistently funny in my acting class, and dining in chi-chi restaurants that you hear about in movies. Feels like a fairy tale... until I'm too fat to go to the ball.

Posted by bonnie at 4:54 PM

April 10, 1999

ECO-Challenge

Well, I'm stalled out on the brink of the 160s. I keep hitting 169 and then jumping quickly back to 171 (for safety, methinks). I was in the 160s when the earthquake hit and I was so miserable being stuck out here in that job at Left Bank So, there's some emotional stuff I have to deal with, hitting the 160s again. Also, the 150s loom short-out in the distance... and that's where I was when I was date raped in high school. As you can see, I have now some much harder work to do: the emotional stuff. I think, though, I am finally ready. I am doing some amazingly good, hard work in acting class, and I think that must be my outlet for much of what I've let food help me cope with for all these years. Also, with Daylight Savings Time here, I've started my walk/jog after work. That's been wonderful! I feel as if I've reunited with a part of myself I've left dormant since leaving Athens. I used to do this EVERY day there. So, I'm thrilled to be able to do it again. And I'm committed to continue doing so. It feels sooo good.

I'm really taking care of myself, doing affirmations, being patient with my slips and binges, praying, being thankful for all the wonderful gifts in my life, and connecting with my Self as much as possible, while still living in this crazy world.

Remember, last year I said I wanted to be able to participate in ECO-Challenge 2000 (whether I do or not, I at least want to be in good enough physical condition to do so). Well, ECO-Challenge '99 is on tonight and I am so much more fit and active than I was a year ago, when I put that fantasy "out there" to my friends. The body is an amazing miracle. We can do so much and rebuild so quickly from all the damage we do to ourselves. What a gift the body is! I'm so happy to be exercising again!

Posted by bonnie at 4:46 PM

April 3, 1999

Size 12

The size 12 jeans are getting loose on me. I may not be seeing any progress on the scales, but my body is slowly getting smaller, and I have the measurements to prove it. I've lost 38.5" in my bust, waist, abs, hips, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, and upper arms since beginning this process in August 1998. My first out-of-town visitor really noticed, saying, "You look SO good." That felt good to hear, from someone I haven't seen in three months.

I've been a little distracted from my diet and exercise, what with running the office and having company, but now that things are getting back on track (Maria's back in the office and Ed's headed back to Athens), I can focus on the whole reason I'm out here: acting. I've decided to join Shawna in showcasing. She and I have been singing together and we're going to try and cut a demo when she returns from London with her band. Now we're going to be scene partners in casting showcases. I'm beginning to feel my priorities shift back to where they should be: ME. I've done enough in the area of caretaking lately, and it's time to get back to me.

Posted by bonnie at 4:45 PM

March 18, 1999

Exercise

Soon, soon, soon... Daylight Saving's Time begins! That means, I can come home from work, go jog, and still shower, have dinner, watch a little TV, and hit the sheets a few hours before going to work again. Yea!! I miss my daily OUTSIDE exercise.

Posted by bonnie at 4:44 PM

March 1, 1999

Size 12

Well, I'm sitting here in my size 12 Gap jeans (a gift I'd promised to myself once I hit the 160s), a very happy girl. The weight loss has slowed down since hitting the half-way mark, but it's still happening.

Posted by bonnie at 4:43 PM

February 11, 1999

Exercise

I've checked into Pilates classes (a little too expensive right now, but maybe next month) and I'm still doing yoga. My current goal is to use the weekends (gorgeous, sunny days) to get OUTSIDE and jog. That'll give me two high-exercise days to balance out all the yoga and Callanetics. Wish me luck!!

Posted by bonnie at 4:43 PM

January 18, 1999

Jenny Craig

I'd been back in LA for a week when I restarted Jenny Craig. I think I need the structure of prepackaged, planned meals and snacks right now, while in this time of major transition. I'd only put on five pounds in the three week hiatus from JC (awesome, considering XMas, New Year's, Partying Like a Porn Star before leaving Athens, and a major move into a roommate situation for the first time in eight years).

Posted by bonnie at 4:42 PM

January 11, 1999

Babe2000 Kickoff

So far, most of my exercise has been incidental. I'm eager to get back on a regimen of daily exercise, or at least a few days each week of working up a really good sweat. I plan on using Dawn's treadmill and phenomenal size-six wardrobe as incentive!

Bonnie's Statement: I started out on 24 July 1998, weighing in at 205 lbs. I was also only two weeks into my 28th year... for some reason, a very depressing birthday to me. Here I was, living in Athens, working on my Instructional Technology PhD full time, and slowly realizing that I was stalling. It was time to get my ass in gear and live the life I fantasized about. Here's the two questions I asked myself:

* What would I do money were no object whatsoever?
* What would I do if everyone I knew were dead? (this is not to be morbid, but to examine which things in life I do only b/c of what others may think)

So, here I am, six months later, 30 pounds lighter, a grad school drop-out, 3000 miles away from home, and still with four solid months of body and soul work to do before plunging back into the life I truly love: performing.

* Weight Goal: 150 lbs. by 11 July 1999 (total loss of 55 lbs. in one year)

Posted by bonnie at 4:39 PM