June 19, 2008
Phew!
I am 100% healthy!
What a fucking month!
Note to all: When they tell you that you might have cancer and subject you to a litany of tests, just ask everyone you know to send good, healthy vibes your way. Do everything you can to stay positive even though you want to cry and cry and cry all the time. Heck, go ahead and cry and then choose a better emotion, even for a moment. That COUNTS. That HELPS.
And then show up with your bestest friend and trust that you're going to hear good news because it's the only thing your spirit will allow.
And then accept it and celebrate because, dammit, you're NOT goin' out like that!!!!
Hallelujah!
Thank you, everyone! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Posted by bonnie at 9:19 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack
May 16, 2008
July 2008 Cricket Feet Showcase Cast Announced!
Congratulations to our July 2008 Cricket Feet Casting Actors Showcase CAST!
Let's meet 'em, shall we?
Aaron Pruner
Aliza Hedges
Alyson Weaver
Annie Weirich
Antonie Knoppers
Beau Wilson
Britni Karst
Camille Bennett
Daniela Melgoza
Eitan Loewenstein
Elena Zaretsky
Ellen Etten
Gray Stevenson
Jennie Roberson
Jeremiah Peisert
Joel Johnstone
Jordan St. Jean
Keith Johnson
Kevin G. Kelly
Kimberly Demarse
Kirstin Benson
Laura Buckles
Lauren Dobbins Webb
Lindsay MacFarland
Lonyé Perrine
Megan Greysmith
Michelle Ehrman
Michelle Flowers
Natalie Sutherland
Patrick Carlyle
Peter M. Karlin
Rachel Kanouse
Rick Segall
Rick Steadman
Shanna Micko
Tamika Simpkins
Tim Astor
Todd Johnson
Tracy Dillon
Vivian Gray
Xan Stevenson
Yoyao Hsueh
Links to actors' official actor profiles (with resumés, demo reels, and all that good stuff) will be coming soon at the Cricket Feet Showcase website. Congratulations, everyone! And THANK YOU to all of the amazing actors who auditioned for our July showcase. We hope to work with you in the future!
See y'all at The Colony Theatre!
LYMI,
-Bon.
(on behalf of Chil Kong, Eitan Loewenstein, Tamika Simpkins, and the whole showcase team)
MySpace.com/CricketFeetShowcase
Posted by bonnie at 8:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 29, 2008
Congratulations to our April 2008 Showcase WRITERS!
As you may recall, we put out the official call for comedic material for our April 2008 Showcase last month.
Yay! We love that these rockstar writers--seriously, check out the IMDB pages on some of these cats--want their material showcased, just as much as the actors want to be showcased doing great material!
(And, hey, if a talent agent in the showcase audience is inspired to go back to work the next day and tell the head of the literary department about this fantastic scene and amazing writer they should scoop up for their roster, that's not so bad, is it?)
So, THANK YOU to ALL who submitted material for the April 2008 Showcase. (Those scenes not selected will remain on our list for future showcase consideration.)
We're thrilled to announce the line-up of writers for this showcase (and THANK YOU for helping with the whole "meta-showcasing" experience)!
Anna Christopher || Annie Wood || Ato Essandoh || Brooke Stone || Cole Stratton || Eric Volkman || Etta Devine || Jack Kenny and Brian Hargrove || Kenneth Ong || Laurel Felt || Michael Proctor || Michele Karpel || Rainy Kerwin || Sean Spence
We hope you reap many benefits from the industry exposure you'll receive for having penned a great showcase scene (or three). Your amazing words are now in the hands of our kickass cast and superstar director, Chil Kong. Hope you'll come check out the finished results in April!
Congratulations and, again, THANK YOU!!
LYMI,
--Bonnie Gillespie, cruise director
Cricket Feet Showcase --> April 16th and 17th (RSVP now!)
Showcase on MySpace
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January 25, 2008
The Italian Job
By now, you've probably seen the breakdown for The Quest, the highest-budget indie feature film one could possibly cast without being affiliated with a major studio (and certainly the highest-budget indie feature film this chica has ever had her hands on thus far).
Well, in case this is news to you, The Quest is an amazing historical adventure shooting this summer in Rome. It's a script by Max Bartoli, Jeffrey Stackhouse, Sam Ingraffia, and Doug Burch; directed by Max Bartoli; produced by Brendan Davis and Blue Nelson for Tangible Entertainment and Max Bartoli for MaXaM Productions in association with executive producer AVT Shankardass for Victory Productions UK.
Phew!
In addition to the nine roles on the public breakdown, we're going for major star names on another half-dozen roles and, I know regular BonBlogs readers anticipate--by this point in the casting process on most breakdowns I put out there--a slew of numbers to pour over (or obsess over, depending on your style). Hee! Well... here's why I've had no time to even calculate the numbers, let alone post about them.
Turns out--brace yourself--it seems that when you cast a project that is ten times the budget of the biggest project you have ever cast previously, you actually *do* get ten times the traffic in terms of phones, emails, faxes, drop-bys, etc.
< Craig mode > "I know!" < / Craig mode >
So...
Um, I'm busy. And I'm also really thrilled with this gig. Not only is it a mind-blowingly COOL concept, outstanding script, and magical story told in stunning locations, the production team is dynamic, talented, brilliant--dare I say--visionary. And I'm honored to be on the team.
(Oh, and, OF COURSE, I'm thrilled to have to add to my "To Do List" that I need to renew my passport. Hee! I mean, a casting director must travel to Rome during shooting in order to "gather casting paperwork" or something, right?!? Hee!)
Ah... in the words of "Hannibal" Smith, "I love it when a plan comes together." ;) Amazingly, a random visit to the Improv to scout comics with fellow Atlantan Jonathan Walker Spencer one year ago would allow me to meet fellow gadget-lover and Atlantan Brendan Davis who would not only come to every single edition of the Cricket Feet Showcase but end up hiring me to do the coolest casting gig of my career thus far. That's cool-ass Hollywood, y'all. (And as Brendan loves to say, "We roll deep." Atlanta Posse, baby. Don't ignore it. It's the new Gay Mafia in Hollywood, yo.)
Oh!!! And speaking of the showcase and The Quest!! Brendan and his team scouted an actor at the November showcase who they adored so much, they CAST HER IN A ROLE in The Quest just based on her showcase performance! That's right... Anoush NeVart is playing the role of PINA and it was really cool to "announce" that bit of casting information right there on the breakdown. Enjoy the buzz, Anoush. Hee!
And, while I'm talking "showcase," I should mention that the breakdown for the April 2008 showcase is going out later today (yes, a little early; yes, before we've even interviewed potential directors--heck, we weren't anticipating over 100 resumé submissions on our "call for directors" from earlier this month--we have a lot of people we want to chat with). Hope you'll join us on the ride! :)
Back to The Quest! One little sad "thing" is how many (about a half-dozen, probably) of my coverage reps at "the bigs" (who were all assistants or sub-agents for the most part) are GONE due to strike cutbacks at their agencies. It's so weird. And sad. And I hope they will all come back when things are back in full-Hollywood-swing (or that they've already landed on their feet elsewhere and are happy for the new opportunity). *sigh*
Next casting-related post (hopefully) will include FIVE casting attachments for Scratching the Surface, the sweet, super-cute rom-com I'm casting right now as well. :) *beams* I'm really excited for the deals we're working out, but won't post about 'em 'til we're all set. You know how that goes.
Hee!
Life is good, y'all! Moto bello! (I think that means something good. I like the sound of it, either way.)
Posted by bonnie at 2:30 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
January 16, 2008
That was fun!
After having interviewed over 200 casting directors in my "past life" (i.e.: before going into casting myself), I've now been interviewed by my showcase producing partner Eitan Loewenstein over at the Actors' Life website.
Hee! That was fun! Pretty cool to have this go live just one month before my fifth anniversary in casting. I guess I kind of can't call myself "new" to this anymore, huh?
Thanks, Eitan. :) Good photo, there too. Hee!
Posted by bonnie at 11:57 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 2, 2008
Cricket Feet Showcase CALL FOR DIRECTORS (feel free to pass it along)
1/2/08, For Immediate Release:
Cricket Feet Casting Actors Showcase seeks directors for its 2008 season.
Bonnie Gillespie of Cricket Feet Casting and showcase coordinator Eitan Loewenstein are reviewing directors' resumés, with a first submission deadline of February 1, 2008.
The Cricket Feet Casting Actors Showcase regularly features the performances of 30 to 35 actors in 15 to 17 original, comedic scenes presented for industry professionals in showcases mounted in April, July, and November. Information about the showcase and its history is available at Cricket Feet Showcase.com. The director's commitment is approximately 10 weeks. This is a paid position.
While directing so many actors in so many scenes in such a short period of time can be challenging, the experience thus far has also exhilarating and creatively rewarding for all parties involved. Showcases are a unique blend of audition, performance, and networking event. Directors are both coaching our actors on presenting their best, most marketable selves and maintaining the creative vision of the showcase producers, creating what is essentially a "live screen test" for the participants. Emmy Award-winning director Anna Christopher (July 2007 showcase) called the experience "directing boot camp." We work hard, but we have a lot of fun too.
After a successful 2007 season, we've moved our performances to the stunning Colony Theatre in downtown Burbank: Colony Theatre.org. This presents a new set of production challenges, as our previous venue seated 67 audience members per night... and now we'll welcome as many as 268 audience members per night! We have already hired our tech crew through the Colony Theatre, but we would love to meet with directors who understand the "film and TV presentation" we aim for, various types and styles of comedy, and the live staging requirements for such a large venue.
If you are interested in interviewing for the job of director for our April 2008 showcase, please submit your resumé and/or cover letter no later than February 1st to: showcase [at] cricketfeet [dot] com. We are also accepting submissions for directors of our July and November showcases (with later deadlines), so please indicate in your submission which particular showcase you are hoping to direct (and, if you are not selected for the April showcase gig, whether you'd like to have us keep your resumé on file for future showcases).
The call for original comedic material is ongoing (more information at Writer FAQ) and the breakdown for actor submissions will be released through Actors Access on January 28th. We would like to hire a director the following week at the latest, and have that person with us during the prescreening and auditioning process.
Thank you for your interest in the Cricket Feet Casting Actors Showcase. We look forward to hearing from you!
Contact: Bonnie Gillespie, 310.395.9540, Cricket Feet.com
###
Posted by bonnie at 1:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 20, 2007
Good News/Bad News
Good News:
Broken Windows is through post, which means we'll be having a screening here before too long. Look at that GORGEOUS cast (plus two producers and a director)! (*trying not to get a cramp while I pat myself on the back*) Click the photo to enlarge it. Wow! That's awesome.
Bad News:
My bad back is now worse. And in a different place. So it's like the place that was all "out" a week and a half ago is fine but a new place is "out." And I am sooooooo over that crap! I can't finish the organizing without being able to sit in the floor and dig through this crap all at once. Ugh!
Good News:
Ten days after being told that there's a six-week waiting period before new writers get a shot, my writing has been selected for the Naked Angels' Tuesdays@9 reading series on Tuesday the 23rd. I am beside myself with joy and panic. Please come out and show your support (and maybe read) if you're up for it. I'm sooo excited!
Bad News:
My great aunt has passed away. :( We were actually pretty close, as "great aunt/great niece" relationships go. I am very sad.
Good News:
A lovely romantic getaway is on tap for next weekend. I have never needed two solid days of spa treatments so much. Blisssssssssssss.
Bad News:
Fixing a Hole is now officially on hiatus. I just have no way of finishing the physical organizing now. And it's time to get back to work-work. I's got shit ta do!
Good News:
In the past 36 hours, I have slept 33 hours. (That's good news, right? It's certainly weird news.)
Yes, more good news than bad. That's how I roll.
Posted by bonnie at 7:42 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 24, 2007
Eric Gelman's Killer Sentenced
(Tried to post this from SAG at 8pm, but it seems I can only post a title and then comments from the handheld. Anyway, my point was, this is the piece that made me cry the most. As much as I have hated every bit of this story about Eric and his brutal murder, it's this--the piece including victim impact statements--that broke me all the way down. Kris, thank you for sending this along.)
From CBS.com.
Convicted Murderer Says He Didn't Kill Actor
(CBS) LOS ANGELES--A transient who insisted he was wrongly convicted was sentenced Friday to 20 years to life in prison for killing an aspiring actor who appeared twice on the TV show "Monk.""I am truly sorry for your loss," Kim McMurray, 44, said after turning to face the family of Eric Gelman in a downtown Los Angeles courtroom. "I'm not the one who did it. I've never hurt nobody."
The 44-year-old defendant--who admitted four prior convictions in drug and grand theft cases between 1983 and 2003--was convicted Sept. 7 of second-degree murder and personal use of a knife for Gelman's April 17, 2005, slaying.
It was the third time McMurray was tried for the 32-year-old man's killing. Two other juries had deadlocked on the same charge.
"To let this verdict stand in our mind is a complete miscarriage of justice," McMurray's attorney, Katie Murff Trotter, told Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Johnson.
But the judge denied the defense's request for a new trial, saying he believed the evidence supported the jury's decision.
The victim's father, Richard, called his son "a good, kind, compassionate person" who would give the shirt off his back to someone who needed help.
He said he remembered crying four times as an adult before his son was killed--when each of his two children were born and when his parents died.
Since his son was slain, "I've cried every day," he said.
Lynn Gelman said her life has been "filled with immeasurable sadness and grief" and told the judge that the only thing she really wants is something no court can give: "to have my precious child back."
Gelman was attacked in an apparent robbery attempt shortly after getting off work at the Marmalade Café, where he worked as a waiter while pursuing his acting career, authorities said.
Gelman had come to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of being an actor and appeared twice on the show "Monk." One episode, "Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas," was dedicated in his memory, according to his parents.
"It's really so painful," his father said outside court. "He had turned the corner in his life."
Gelman's parents set up a scholarship fund in his honor at Goucher College in Baltimore, where their son graduated in 1995.
"When you lose someone, you want the world to know that he was here, that he was wonderful, and that he mattered. We give others a small helping hand so that they can fulfill their passion," his mother wrote in a statement about her son and the memorial fund.
As soon as I find more info about how to donate to that fund, I'll post a link/address. What a day!
Posted by bonnie at 7:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
September 15, 2007
It Is Done
Well, it isn't done. It is decided.
Remember the little tidbit about SMFA in my 12 of 12 the other day?
===========
3:01am: Ready for this? THIS is exactly all of the remaining stock of Self-Management for Actors (other than the few hundred at our distributor's warehouse, which should be depleted via retailers within a few months). So... big decision was made today. SMFA, 3rd ed. coming your way by pilot season. Yes, this means I have to say no to casting a film. Booooooo! But, hey... it means... new book! Ready, Proofer Patrol?
===========
Yeah. Okay. So, on the 12th, we decided to go forward with a 3rd edition. And we decided to make it available for Pilot Season 2008. Yes, that means that somewhere between the casting I'm already doing, the showcase I'm already producing, and the weekly column I'm already writing, I'm to get a NEW edition of my baby to the printer (a NEW printer, BTW) by Thanksgiving.
Oh, and what did we do today, while entering the sales data (at the absolute last possible moment for our distributor's catalogue deadline)?
We decided to add a whole new section to the book.
Not a paragraph.
Not a chapter.
A whole new section.
Welcome, Part Seven: Advanced SMFA.
Oh dear GAWD do I ever need a drink about now. 
PS--Other updates from the 12 of 12 whatnots:
- scenes cut, scenes selected, punch-up written, casting assignments made, and emails announcing all of the above to showcase cast, writers, and "un-selected material" submitters: DONE
- interview with Ireland's UTV's "charming and cheeky" Gerry Kelly of Gerry Meets...: DONE
- launch of my new show, The Reel Deal, at Virtual Channel Network: DONE
- sleep? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's funny. No, really. Funny.
Love y'all!
Posted by bonnie at 7:44 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 13, 2007
Virtual Channel Network
Just got this email from MCJ (My Cousin Joni):
Am home sick and caught your premiere episode. Great job--and you get more and more like your mother each day. Maybe it was the big black leather chair you were seated in, but it felt like watching your Mom doing a reading. You were really engaging and personable, and I could tell that you love helping others learn how to do what they love to do better. Again, just like Charlsie.
Love you,
J
...and that reminded me that I meant to blog a little more about this email I got yesterday from the folks at the Virtual Channel Network:
Congratulations! Your show Reel Deal has been selected as one of the programs running for the official launch of the Virtual Channel Network. The VCN launch date is set for Thursday, September 13, 2007. The Virtual Channel Network is the network for the Entertainment Industry created by the Entertainment Industry. We have a lot of exciting programming that will be debuting over the coming months. Please now feel free to start promoting your show and your association with the VCN sponsored by Breakdown Services and The Hollywood Reporter. Be sure to direct your colleagues and industry contacts to check us out at VirtualChannelNetwork.com online beginning tomorrow. Once again, thank you for participating in the VCN project. We are very excited about the possibilities for all of those involved.
Hope you enjoy it! :)
Posted by bonnie at 12:46 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 9, 2007
Oh, thank God!
Thank you, Kris, for delivering the news.
(CBS) LOS ANGELES A transient who fatally stabb[ed] an aspiring actor near The Grove shopping center was convicted Friday of second-degree murder.Kim McMurray will be sentenced Sept. 21.
Two previous trials of McMurray ended in mistrials when the juries deadlocked.
But the third trial ended today, with jurors convicting McMurray of killing 32-year-old Eric Gelman of Florida about 10 pm April 17, 2005, shortly after Gelman got off work at the shopping center's Marmalade Cafe.
Just... thank God. Rest in peace, dear Eric.
Posted by bonnie at 12:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 31, 2007
The Waiting Game
Okay, you're all patiently waiting for some big announcement coming from me about the big meeting I had earlier this week.
(I do realize you might not ALL be waiting for this... and those of you waiting may not ALL be patient... but bear with me, will you?)
So, I have no big announcement. I mean, I guess I have a pretty good announcement but I'm not going to make it yet because there may be more to it and the story is a whole lot better if this all comes together... ah, I'm such a sucker for a great punchline.
Anyway.
Without giving too much away, I'll just say for now that the meeting was amazing. It was like a Top Five Best Meetings Ever-level meeting. And, because it's super cool to have an agent to negotiate all of my casting deals; package my casting services with his agency's directors, writers, and stars when pitching deals to studios; and take care of the details like getting me paid on time; I am happy. But because it might be beyond cool to have an agent representing me in an area I've only recently charged into (and about which I'm less confident, which is why the cloak-and-dagger routine, here), I'm holding off to say more 'til the ink is dry, y'know?
Anyway, there's a part of me that's bummed because I called this morning--as instructed--to learn whether the so-and-so department also wants to rep me and got the ol', "Can he call you back?" thing followed by hours (now) of radio silence.
*sigh*
And even though I know better (meaning, I know I have an amazing new relationship here with an agent I only ever knew from the dealmaking-for-his-clients-in-projects-I-cast side of things, I almost certainly have "people" now for the first time since giving up acting years ago, and it's the start of a holiday weekend so his lack of communication might mean nothing more than that -- for cryin' out loud, it *is* his job to finalize deals for current clients first, right?), there's a part of me that feels that sad, lonely sadness that only comes with having taken a really, really, really big shot at something huge and important and then wondering if you were too confident, too brave, and too far out of your league.
(The logical part of my brain wants to slap the shit out of that sissy, let me tell ya. But it's nice to be reminded how "putting yourself out there" can feel in this business. Even if it smarts.)
So, now I get to wait 'til Tuesday to know anything for sure.
And maybe I won't know anything then.
And maybe when I do know something, I won't love the news.
And so what? If "worst case scenario" is how this Top Five Best Meetings Ever-level meeting turns out in the end (which would be seriously weird, but you have to sometimes entertain the part of your brain that wants to "what if" in the negative direction), I'll hit my next favorite Mr. Superagent with my pitch, get invited into another swanky conference room overlooking a gorgeous view of Hollywood, charm the hell out of another wonderful person with whom I'll still deal in the "other direction" of my job, and continue to repeat that process 'til the right relationship comes together.
And, assuming what Mr. Superagent told me when I left him Tuesday is true, well... I'll be saying, "Have your people call my people," about one part of my career (and perhaps another) very soon.
Until I know for sure, I will wait.
And rearrange furniture. Because somehow that makes me feel better. (It's not like I'm looking for stuff to do... but a new vibe in the living room is kind of fun today. It's not pretty but it has me in direct line of fire of the A/C. And boy, do I like that!)
So, there's your update. I'm waiting.
Posted by bonnie at 5:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 9, 2007
Oooh, that was fun. Earthquake!
I know, I know... I'm so silly with my "earthquakes are recreational" thing, but this one was FUN! And the biggest we've had since moving to Santa Monica three years ago.
(Believe me, I was never this amused by earthquakes when the sample size was ONE and that ONE was the Northridge Quake and I was living alone for the first time in my life, living seven miles from the epicenter. Yeah. Not fun.)
But this 4.5 (estimated) shaker at 12:58am in The Valley was a nice, rolling shaker. And our pictures are all askew. Cats are FRAZZLED. We're giggling with glee that we were not in the car when it happened (because that's so boring. You feel exactly nothing).
Keith is also amused that--just 13 hours ago--he said (when I commented that the cats were acting weird... more weird than usual), "We're due for an earthquake." Ah... that smart, sensitive cookie!
Okay, back to work!
Posted by bonnie at 1:16 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
July 31, 2007
Hi. Howd'yado?
So... we've been orbiting around the right and perfect Cricket Feet, Inc., logo for, er, the better part of the whole five years we've been a corporation.
But it wasn't 'til our stars alligned with the most wonderfulestness of Colleen (CoCo) Wainwright, AKA the Communicatrix that we were introduced to this:
And, I'm sorry, but if there's a logo by which you should be inspired, it is THIS ONE. Holy crap. It *is* US. Wow!
So, we've been sitting on this for a few months while we neared our five-year anniversary as a corporation (now: July 2007), and well, it's time. Here she is: our "howd'yado" reboot of the Cricket Feet experience.
Whaddaya think?
PS--Probably one of my favorite days ever. Cast THREE MORE famous effin' people in this film and hired our seriously rockstar director for the November showcase. Ahh... lovin' it. LOVE-IN-IT!
Posted by bonnie at 11:09 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
July 30, 2007
Well, I needed that! (Uma update... with video)
WOW!
Usually I post the Uma Updates without commentary, but this one really, really got me. Somewhere around videos three and four I just lost it. I am soooooo proud of Uma and the progress she has made. She is doing SO WELL!!! And she sounds fantastic too. Oh, our sweet, darkerUma is just AMAZING. She's a miracle!
So, I wanted to post both to share the below update and links *and* to again say thank you to everyone of my friends and family who reached out--without even knowing Uma, or John, or Erik--and made donations to The Uma Fund earlier this year. You all helped something really phenomenal happen. And it continues to happen every day.
Bless you ALL.
-Bon.
===========
Dear friends,
My apologies if you've sent an email recently and I haven't replied to it. I'm way behind on my email replies!
Below, you'll find a detailed Uma update from John. But I'm going to start with a quick Cliff's Notes version because I want to ask you all to do some more visualizing, and the sooner the visualizing the better. Uma's getting an angiogram tomorrow morning (Monday, July 30), which is basically a scan of her brain to check out a portion of her aneurysm which appears to be bulging out of the coils that were originally inserted to contain her aneurysm. Please visualize this angiogram going well, and any procedures that might follow the angiogram going well too. Uma's kinda nervous about this trip to the hospital because it's the first big hospital visit she's had since she's been completely conscious of all of the things she's going through.
So send some good thoughts her way, if you will. Thank you…
Now here's John's latest update, with more detailed info about what this angiogram means:
===========
Hello everyone,
Uma and I are sitting in a doctors office wating for
her pre-op tests. It's friday.
She was approved for medi-cal earlier this month and I
remembered that, at one point, in NY, we had contacted
Dr. Wouter Shevienk, the director of the Maxine Dunitz
Neurosurgical Institute and he agreed to accept her as
a patient provided she was a qualified medi-cal
person. So....on Wednesday I called and asked if she
could see him. They set up an appointment for
yesterday, Thursday, and decided, after reviewing
films and charts from NY, that she needs another
angiogram to verify the efficacy of the coils clotting
her aneurysm.
Today we are having tests done to make sure she's ok
physically to have the angiogram and, possibly, more
coiling on Monday. On Monday, there are three
possibilities - 1) that she would not have any
problems and go home 2) that she would have a problem
that can be fixed by coiling and they would do that
then 3) that she would have problem that cannot
permanently be resolved through coiling and would
require "clipping", which would be done at a later
date.
Coiling is the placement of microscopic platinum coils
in the "dome" of the aneurysm to assist the body in,
usually, a permanent clot. This is done through a
femoral artery catheter and is not considered a
surgical or invasive procedure. This is what they did
for her in NY. The risks of this procedure are that
coils can loosen up, allowing blood to flow again into
the dome of the aneurysm or that the cois can actually
slip out of the dome and into the blood vessel which
can cause an inappropriate clot or stroke. These
things are unlikely but they do happen. Coils are not
always a permanent solution to an aneurysm and require
that she get checked regularly thoughout the year.
Clipping is an invasive surgery. They cut into her
cranium, locate the aneurysm and clip the "neck" of it
with a tiny titanium clip. This is considered a
permanent fix to the aneurysm if done without
complications in the surgery. The risks involved in
clipping are the same with any cranial surgery as well
as problems with the invasive quality of the
procedure. Any time you stick things in the brain you
can have swelling, vasospasm, stroke, memory loss,
speech problems, blurred vision, headaches, infection,
paralysis, etc. These complications are lessened by
the fact that she is not in the middle of her
aneurysm breaking. It's not an emergency.
She just went in for the chest x-ray. Earlier this
morning she had the other normal tests and she's ok to
go.
I was up last night, unable to sleep, thinking about
the options here. The idea that we could have a
permanent fix is very attractive. The idea that she
could possibly be set back in her speech or physical
therapy due to complications of clipping is
heartbreaking. She has come so far and I don't want to
see any of that amazing work compromised.
It's now sunday morning. I think I was avoiding
finishing this email because there is a part of me
that, honestly, doesn't want to face more
hospitalization for her. I thought it enough that she
would be in intensive rehab for more than a year. This
latest has brought back a lot of resentment on the
part of the doctors in NY. Why they never bothered to
tell us about this I don't know. Maybe tomorrow, after
her angiogram, we'll find out why they never told us
about it. Though it doesn't always help to look back
on things, I wonder where we would be in our lives now
if hadn't been looking through her chart and found
this report about the remnant of aneurysm. But as long
as we have to face this, then we might as well face
the whole picture which includes how we'll view, in
ten years, whatever hardship she's about to endure. If
surgery, exluding complications, then we have reason
to breathe a bit easier in terms of recurrance. Also,
and I hope I haven't said this about other situations,
I believe we are in really good hands. Cedars Sinai
and these physicians have an excellent reputation.
That and my informed questions and proper responses to
the answers are what we can do, physically, to help
her.
And now I want to ask all of you to pray for and think
of her tomorrow, Monday morning. We check in at 7:30am
and, at some point later, they take her back. People
are always reminding me to take care of myself. I've
found that this is often a spiritual thing, even if
I'm just going for a run to keep my first heart attack
at arms length. I'm thinking that one great prayer is
the one where you take extra good care of yourself (on
Monday morning) in honor of Uma and, of course,
yourself. Do something beautiful for yourself or
because of yourself and send that love past Uma on the
way to its final destination. For what it's worth, I
truly believe all the people who helped in this way
saved her life. I believe in it and I believe in you.
Thank you.
Recently Erik sent an email with video links to people
who donated to Uma. I don't think he'll mind if I send
the link to everyone. So here they are....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNPsSaG7nMw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbINlKh8fbU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY1wYo5Ti38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_ejiZyF--g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHsrhSQo_XA
Also, I've set up a myspace page for Uma that is
including photos and video of her progress so far. As
often as I can, I will update this.
http://www.myspace.com/umaspace
Thank you for Monday.
Love,
John
===========
Okay, this is Erik again. I really like the paragraph in John's email where he talks about how doing something for yourself is a way that you can take care of Uma. I like it because it's a "task" and it's been awhile since we've sent out an Uma task. And we've seen that these tasks result in good things. Change, progress, health. So it's time for another task, dammit. Like John said, please take a moment (or several moments!) to do something for yourself today.
- Get a massage.
- Make out with someone you love.
- Take an extra hour at lunch and go frolic on the beach.
- Whatever. Anything. Just something good, something you love, something that makes you feel intensely happy.
And while you're filling yourself with happiness, please send some of that energy Uma's way.
Thank you.
with love,
Erik
Posted by bonnie at 12:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 4, 2007
Uma Update!
This is a GREAT Uma Update from John. (Thanks, Erik, for sending it along!!)
Hl everyone,Just on the off chance that anyone out there was
wondering whether Uma had lost any of her personality
or her passion for life and for the objective truth of
life, or her love for me or her friends and family, or
her desire to act and express her love and art, or her
respect for others and the world and all its
blessings....don't wonder....I don't.She continues to work and improve on everything and
continues to be more frustrated at times because her
improvement illuminates more of the path ahead for her
and she can see more clearly everyday where she's been
and where she wants to go. To risk the broken record
instance, it's going to be a long road. But she is
less bling to it as each day passes. This reveals to
her the tragedy she escaped and the love she's been
given and produces. Yesterday on our walk she said -
and this is a direct quote, "I just want to do what I
need to do today, tomorrow, and the next." And we
were talking in the context of her recovery.I'm at a starbucks in orange county about to go play a
job and Erik and Lauren Campadelli are with her by
turns today. When Erik came over this morning he
remarked that she is more verbal than she was even
since last Monday. And today in physical therapy at
home she was working on her right arm extensively. I
have a video now of her extending her right arm away
from her belly (while lying down thereby making it
easier to isolate the shoulder muscles from helping.)
I think it was called 'external rotation'. This is
good. As soon as our home PT saw that Uma could move
her arm at all she just 'floored it'. Uma has
actually done nothing but get better since January
31st, despite everything including hydrocephalus.There have been two times now that I've left her at
home alone for a couple of hours. She's getting better
at calling me on the cell phone. One time she actaully
dialed my number rather than just utilizing the
'return' feature after I had called her. I really
wrestled with this - when do I let her stay at home
alone? One of the answeres to that question revealed
itself when I realized that there have been many times
where I've been working in the studio for a couple of
hours without checking on her. She could have had a
problem during that time and I might not necessarily
have known about it. The difference being that when
I'm not actually at home I would need to have someone
close by to check on her if needed and I believe I
have that option among about a dozen friends all of
whose numbers are in my cell phone and written in my
phone book. Uma was so excitied the first time I left
her at home alone. Her autonomy is thrilling to her.
In this she hasn't changed at all.Last weekiend we had a nice visit with her aunt, uncle
and cousins in Malibu. Her aunt cooked spicy sri
lankan style food and it was actually a bit much for
Uma. This was the first really hot food since 1/31.
She made it though.She now sees one of two physical therapists six times
a week and a speech therapist three times a week. We
can carry on this way for many months and we will do
that.I can't wait 'till she and I can carry on a nice, long
conversation. That's something we used to do almost
daily and sometimes, when I have time to think about
it, I really miss it. I think it will probabaly happen
this year.Thanks again for all the help, prayers, visits and
love.Bye for now,
John
Posted by bonnie at 9:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 8, 2007
Uma Update
This just in from Erik:
Dear friends and family…
It's been a really long time since I've sent out an Uma update—about two weeks, actually—and I've started to get worried emails from people—asking me if everything has been okay—so I realized that I need to get back on the ball with the updates. John wrote an update last night and his update describes Uma's daily routine pretty wonderfully, so I won't go into a lot of detail, but suffice it to say: every day she gets a little bit better, every day her walking gets a tiny bit more assured, every day she gets out a new word. So I'd say she's doing pretty amazingly.
A quick anecdote: I spent a few hours with her today while John was working in the studio with Ken, and we decided to go for a walk. Uma and John usually go on a walk in the morning—down the street to get coffee—and Uma sometimes goes on walks in the afternoon, so this wasn't anything new for her, but this was the first time I'd gone on a walk with her, so I was excited for us to venture out into the world together. I knew that the longest walk she'd been on so far was to Franklin and back—which is 6 blocks each way, so: twelve blocks. Okay. So that's what I figured we'd do.
Uma and I started out on our walk and Uma was very confident. She didn't even need to use her cane. (In fact, when I asked her if she needed it, she gave me SO MUCH ATTITUDE, as if to say: "haven't you been paying attention? I don't need to use that damned thing anymore.") As we walked down the street, I flashed back on her days at the rehab facility when she was taking her first difficult steps…that was just over a month ago—and then I flashed back on two months ago when she couldn't even move her right leg AT ALL—and here she was walking through her neighborhood—without a cane, without anyone's help—walking so well. I don't want to overuse the adjective "amazing," but I can't think of another word right now.
When we got to Franklin, I told Uma it was time to turn around, and she said "no," and then pointed ahead. She wanted to walk further. "Okay, let's go," I told her. So we walked another block. And then when we got to the end of that block, I told her it was time to turn around and head back. "No," she told me, and pointed ahead. I told her we should really probably turn around, but she was adamant. So I gave in: "alright, let's go another block." So then we walked another block, and when we got to that next block, Uma was excited and enjoying herself and totally into the walk…so we went another block. By now we'd walked a total of nine blocks and Uma finally decided she was ready to turn around. So then we started heading back and by the time we got back to Franklin we'd walked twelve blocks, which was the longest walk Uma had been on so far, and by the time we hit block twelve…
…Uma was tired and so completely ready for the walk to be over. But she had insisted on walking further, so now we still had six more blocks to walk. Uma asked me, "when?" I finished the sentence for her: "When are we going to get home?" "Yes," she said. "We have six more blocks to go." Then Uma asked: "Why…" And I finished: "…why did I let you bully me into walking those extra blocks?" Uma laughed: "Yes."
Those last six blocks were tough. Uma was exhausted, so we'd walk about ten feet, then we'd take a break.
Have a sip of water.
Stand in the shade for a beat…
...and then we'd move forward another ten feet.
Then, again: pause, water, shade, then walk. And again: pause, water, shade, then walk.
Literally taking the rest of the way home in these little ten feet intervals.
As we walked those last few blocks, Uma started getting frustrated, tired, cranky, but we were almost home. We just had to get over the bend. (I know this sounds like some parable, but I swear to you there's a little hill right before you get to their house, so we LITERALLY had to get over one final bed.) We took one final break in the shade, one final sip of water. And then we continued on. Until finally—finally—we got back home and took our shoes off. Then Uma got into bed, ready to rest.
Anyway, (and this is parable time, for real) as far as Uma's speech therapy goes, I kinda feel like Uma's at the beginning of walking those last six blocks home. They are LONG blocks she still has to walk down—who knows how long it will take for her to get all of her words back—it's probably going to take a really long time. But every day she moves a couple inches forward. The thing is, she seems to comprehend everything that's going INTO her brain, but her words need to find new pathways to GET OUT, so it's kind of like she's learning how to speak again one word at a time. Which is tough, and grueling, and frustrating. But eventually she IS going to have all of her words back. I know she is. She's just gotta keep moving forward in these little intervals, and eventually she'll be "home" again, in every sense of the word.
Thank you for all of your continued love and prayers and good thoughts for her.
Here's JOHN'S LATEST UPDATE...(5/6/07):
hello everyone,
it's been a long, long time since last i wrote. in an
explanation of why i haven't sent an update in so long
i can start by saying that i now have an entirely
differnt brand of respect for my mother and father.
as the person who gets the therapists, sets the
schedule, sets the alarm, makes the breakfast, helps
dress her, gets her to the therapists, makes lunch,
does the laundry, the dishes, makes dinner, helps in
the shower, makes music on the side to pay the bills,
and gets her medication ready, i now see a little bit
of what it must of been like for my mom and dad who
both had full time jobs and took care of us three
kids. this is love on a different level. it's love
in action and it has left little time for words (or
anything else) lately.
we've been out of rancho los amigos national
rehabilitation center in downey for about 2 and a half
weeks. of the many things she can do now that she
couldn't do then are - reach down and pick up things
from the floor, carry dishes back into the kitchen,
get things into and out of the frig, wash some of her
dishes, put toast in the toaster, answer her cell
phone and have limited conversations, change the
channel on the tv, walk up the stairs without dragging
her right foot on the lip of the stair.....etc.
there are almost too many things to tell about.
there seemed to have been a plateau upon getting home
but that turns out not to be true.
to have seen her go, literally, from not even seeing
me to walking out of rancho with a cane on her way to
her first in 'n out burger in months marked a
progression of amazing speed. but now the progress is
measured differently. whereas she has been able to
ambulate with both legs, now she is working on the
finer details of what walking means. she must
reconnect with the muscles that her brain has
forgotten about. this is a deeper level of brain
activity than the gross movements we saw at rancho.
just about everyday she says something, some word that
she didn't say before.
usually she can move her fingers on her right hand a
little each day.
i honestly don't remember how this differs from the
last email i wrote but the difference for me is that
she is more 'there', more aware and present each day.
we were walking back from dinner tonight (!) and i was
checking in with her about how best to spend the
fundraising money on her recovery. a few minutes later
a fellow musician friend of mine named ken lasaine
was walking towards us. we greeted each other,
exchanged some words and moved on. i told uma, again,
about the fund raiser and emails and life-changing
activity people have undergone learning about
her....and i mentioned that he, ken, had donated to
her fund. well, THIS time it finally hit home with
her just how much has taken place in this regard. she
just kept on saying, 'wow!' almost until we got home.
she was truly amazed and overwhelmed by this. the
thing is, i have told her about this on numerous
occasions but never has she reacted this way to the
news. she is amazed. she is overwhelmed. she
understand what you all have done for her.
we have hired two out of probably only 7 physical
therapists in southern california who not only have
doctorate degrees in the field but who are also
neurologically certified. since the gap in time
between rancho's in- and out-patient programs was so
wide, we have so far, decided to pay for pt and st at
glendale adventist hospital. the speech and physical
therapist there are really good matches for uma - they
are really good (if i'm any kind of reluctant expert
now) and really nice and really tough and true in
their vision of her path to recovery. we see the
speech and physical therapist there 3 times a week
each. we also have hired an associate professor of
physical therapy from usc to come to our house twice a
week. both pt's are co-ordinating with each other to
maximize her work. so....by saturday, uma is pretty
worn out....but today, at her suggestion, we ate
breakfast (eggs scrambled with asparagus, tomatoes,
onions and garlic with toast) on the front porch
(first time ever) and then we went to the beach. she
is really waking up.
we've been back to rancho for a physical therapy
out-patient evaluation but the program for her
wouldn't start for another 6 weeks. her speech
evaluation was performed by someone who, honestly,
didn't do a good job. having been through so much in
terms of different therapists and in interviewing and
being evaluated by a number of therapists i've learned
a little bit about what the job(s) mean. of the three
speech therapists we've seen since she left rancho,
two of them were truly prepared, worked in really
efficient and penetrating ways with uma and got really
amazing results from her. the third was from rancho.
long story short, we've decided to use the fundraising
money by hiring the therapists we have now. they are,
in my opinion, the best for her and her recovery. we
have enough to last us about 8 months of 8 therapy
seesions (5 physical, 3 speech) per week. this is a
LOT of rehab but she is determined to recover all the
way. i just wanted everyone to know how this is
going and, in a way, how your donations are being
used.
uma loves being at home. our routines are nicer now
than a few weeks ago and they change everyday because
she can do more everyday.
i've never been through anything more life-changing or
exhausting or that has elevated my gratitude. but i
feel like i want to begin writing about her again -
or, at least, i feel like i have the energy. i don't
think i can do it every night like i did before but
i'm going to do it at least once a week. i think erik
is going to begin writing again too.
so many thanks to all of you.
all my love
john
Posted by bonnie at 1:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 21, 2007
Uma Update
What follows is a report from Erik about Uma's status (she's HOME), as well as a wonderful article from Erik's step-dad about Uma's journey. For those of you in Los Angeles, we will be dancing for Uma in our Cricket Feet Showcase curtain call on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Even if you're not with us in the audience, please hop up and dance for Uma each night!
Now... here's Erik's latest.
===========
Dear friends,
So, as you know, Uma is finally HOME! Which is so awesome and exciting. And she's starting to get back into normal, everyday, non-hospital things. Like, for instance, last night John charged up her cell phone and told Uma that she's going to be able to start using it soon (because she IS going to be able to start using it soon!) and then Uma noticed that she had a text message, so she eagerly checked it (it was a message from Aimie, sent on the day that Uma had her aneurysm), and then Uma saw that she had voicemail, so she checked those messages too--obviously, people haven't been calling her because she's been in the hospital, so most of the messages were along the lines of "this is your cell phone company and you need to pay your cell phone bill" but it was still pretty cool for her to check messages. She's not quite able to have phone conversations yet, but she's definitely close--I did a "practice" call with her, and she was able to respond to several of my "phone questions." It was exciting.
Anyway, I'm sending out this quick email because:
1. I know that Uma has not checked her email since she had her brain aneurysm.
2. John was talking to Uma about how they should check her email soon, because it seems like an activity she's ready to do.
3. I heard that hotmail deletes accounts if you don't log-on at least once a month, so I've been logging onto Uma's email account about once a week and deleting messages that are obviously spam (she's been getting lots of those "URGENT REQUEST" spam emails, from "bankers" in London who want you to help them cash a check from Africa, or whatever), and so I'm aware of what's waiting for her in her email box when she checks it, and there are about 200 emails in there. I would say that about 20 of them are personal emails from friends, while the vast majority of them are from mailing lists she's on.
4. I was thinking it would be nice for her to have some more REAL emails when she and John finally check her email account...soooo, if you're a friend of Uma and you want to send her a quick "welcome home" email, that would be awesome.
5. Her email address is nithipal AT hotmail.
Thank you!
*
And in case you don't read my blog, here's a recent update that my mom posted:
I JUST GOT THIS UPDATE FROM MY MOM:
How wonderful it is to be able to visit Uma at home instead of in the hospital. I had my first opportunity to hang out with her at home yesterday, and it was very special. Colleen was there when I arrived, and John was in his home music studio working. Colleen left and Uma and I got cozy in the bed to watch a DVD that I had brought--"Ever After." I was in the mood for a fairy tale, and Uma seemed to like the idea, too. So we watched the movie while John worked in the next room, and we took turns dozing since the plot was too familiar to keep us awake when we were both a little sleepy. As we watched, Uma had her right arm in the removable cast that she wears as much as possible as part of her therapy. It can get very uncomfortable for her, so it was great that she was able to keep it on for several hours.
After the movie, we talked--mostly about movies and TV shows, but also about other things. At one point, we talked about "Grey's Anatomy," and I asked her if she was going to watch the new episode that was on last night. She started to explain and couldn't get the words out and appeared very frustrated. John came in and started asking her questions. He has a way of helping her express herself that no one else can match. We figured out that she really wanted to watch Grey's, but also really didn't because she had missed several episodes and didn't want to watch them out of order. At one point in our conversation, she said, "I want to watch..." She often gets stuck after "I want" so it was good to see her forming a sentence.
Another time when I was trying to get her to repeat a sentence, John came in and counted with her to three and then she said it perfectly. The counting gives her time to prepare, and then she does much better. She is best able to form words and sentences when she watches the lips of the person she is talking to. At one point, she said the word "scenario." I wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but it's clear that she's working hard at it and the words are coming to her. They might not be the right words for what she is trying to say, but it is a start.
In response a look of frustration from Uma, John explained to her that he and everyone else can see that she is an intelligent woman and the same person she's always been--that she just needs to work at being able to once again express herself through words. The way he explains this is so loving, so patient, yet also gently demanding. He stops her when she is frustrated and looks into her eyes and offers reassurance that he understands her plight and will be there to help her through--but also reminds her that she has to work at it no matter how frustrated she gets.
Toward the end of my visit, Uma's friend, Lauren, arrived with a tray of cupcakes. I said goodbye to Uma and left feeling rested and grateful for the time I had spent with her. Uma will resume serious therapy next week, and she is getting some much-needed down time during her first week at home. John says they are sleeping well without all the interruptions and noises that invaded their privacy in the hospital. John is trying to get back to work while tending to all of Uma's needs and making arrangements for her therapy. I worry about him because the role of primary caregiver is so exhausting, even when you get back as much love as Uma gives. There is also the tremendous sense of responsibility for so many things, from making sure she eats well and gets the quality of care she needs to making sure the bills get paid. We need to help John keep his strength up so he can help Uma keep her strength up, because no one does that better than John. I think he will ask for help, but probably not as much as he should. He needs quiet time alone with Uma, and he needs time to be away from her to do his work and time to be away and restore himself by doing whatever helps him to re-energize. I say this to direct your prayers and positive thoughts toward the support that John and Uma need to get through this healing process so that she can be fully recuperated in every way. We have already seen what can be accomplished when so many people pull together in love and hope--Uma has come so far with that power behind her, and I know she will keep making progress every day because she is surrounded by so much love and support and is very determined to reclaim her independence.
*
And here's a column my step-dad wrote for The Daily Pilot:
THE BELL CURVE:
Courage and hope despite odds
By JOSEPH N. BELL
My dear friend Uma Nithipalan went home last Tuesday, 77 days after she got on a plane in Los Angeles to fly to New York and join her husband-to-be who was awaiting her there for a brief visit. Twice in those 77 days, the people who love her were told that Uma had only a 20% chance of ever making that trip home alive.
But medical opinion turned out to be no match for the wave of prayer and love that washed over her.
The love came from hundreds, maybe thousands, of friends of Uma who met her and followed her story in the blog of my stepson, Erik Patterson.
This cornucopia of hope and, finally, conviction grew daily, first among Uma's dear friends. But very quickly, they told their friends who told their friends who told other friends, all of whom seemed to find in the courage and determination of these three young people a reason to look--even if only for a few moments--beyond the horrors taking place in our world today to a crusade anchored in the certainty that a reservoir of goodness remains, with the power to bring about results that could be seen as miraculous.
Uma is a native Sri Lankan and a citizen of the world who graduated, with Erik, from Occidental College in Los Angeles eight years ago. Uma was Erik's closest friend then, and she has remained his closest friend ever since. And when Uma fell in love with John Ballinger last year, John became Erik's second-closest friend.
That's the way it was when Uma got on the plane to New York last Jan. 30 to celebrate the engagement ring John had given her at Christmas. John, who is a fine and versatile musician, was playing a gig in Manhattan with the troupe that took "Dancing with the Stars" on the road. It was a job he wanted badly and was enjoying immensely. And it paid him well enough to bring Uma to New York to share it at least briefly.
John was working when Uma arrived at his hotel, but she was waiting in his room when he finished and hurried to her side. And a few hours after that joyous meeting, before the morning light, this wonderfully healthy 27-year-old woman was in convulsions, writhing in pain, gasping for breath.
An ambulance rushed her to the nearest hospital where five precious hours went by before she was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and transferred to another hospital equipped and staffed to treat her.
Thus started the journey of these three remarkable people.
A few hours after John called him, Erik was on his way to New York. He had joined John at St. Vincent's Hospital when the first desolate news was delivered by the doctor heading the team that treated Uma. She was in an induced coma, he said, critically ill, with, at best, a 20% chance of surviving.
That's when the two men in her life, staggered at first by the news, decided that they simply would not allow it to happen. And from that moment until she went home last Tuesday, one or both of them were constantly at her side. And so were the prayers they pleaded for in the long, poignant emails and blogs they sent daily to the folks back home. Always factually straight. And always upbeat. "Here are the facts," they seemed to say, "but the reality is Uma's full recovery."
That's the way it was through the first three weeks.
One minor setback after another, somehow dealt with.
But always there was the fear of stroke attacking her nearly defenseless body. If only she could get past that, they could all relax a little. And they almost had it made when stroke abused her body once again--and once again the doctors delivered the 20% lifeline of hope. And so the volume was turned up on the call for help, and the response was quick and sure. Uma fought off the grim predictions, resumed her recovery, and a little over a month ago was on her way back to rehab in Los Angeles.
That required a new miracle. Only an air ambulance could deliver her, and that cost more than $20,000. So Erik fired up his blog and told Uma's army the problem--and within four days more than enough money poured in to pay for the air ambulance. So now, after four weeks in a rehab facility, Uma is walking with a cane, communicating with beautiful smiles and nods and grimaces as she relearns speech a word at a time, expressing a range of emotions from frustration to joy, and flashing wonderful glimpses of the old Uma.
It's impossible to convey the almost lyrical flavor of the hope and love and determination in the reports that came from John and Erik every day since Uma was stricken. They could and should be edited into a fine and inspirational book. Here's just a taste from John, written when he went home for the first time in several months, after he and Uma returned to Los Angeles:
"I look around our house and see all the physical things that make up our life together--the little things like a receipt for a dinner we had, the new spice rack she bought while I was on tour, notes on the refrigerator, photographs that she put up on the wall, the Christmas tree she hadn't taken down and where she left her nightgown before flying off to New York.
"Her essence and personality seem very much to be there and intact. Her sense memory of me and trust in me seem to be just as present. But exactly where are her memories? Will she remember any lines from the play that won her an award from LA Weekly? Or how long it took her to breathe again after I asked her to marry me? And does it really matter? Maybe the essence of things is what I will lean on for a while.
"Her rehabilitation will take place for many years in some ways, but the bulk and the foundation of it will be done over the next four months to a year. So I'm asking again for your spiritual help for Uma. I really believe she has come this far due to the prayers and love sent her way by all of you. And she needs this again, just as much as before."
I was privileged to be among the people who love Uma and received the daily reports from her bedside.
A few days before she returned home, I visited her at the rehab center and reminded her of an inside joke we shared. And her eyes lighted up and met mine, and her smile was broad and understanding, and I thought of the final sentence in one of John's latest reports: "Tomorrow," he wrote, "is Easter, and Uma will rise up and walk."
*
much love,
Erik
Posted by bonnie at 5:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 5, 2007
Uma Update
I just have to say that I am SO GLAD to have these updates. This has been such an amazing journey and I am so constantly inspired by Uma's progress and the extreme levels of love in her life. Awesome stuff. Truly awe-inspiring.
-Bon.
===========
Hello everyone...here are the latest Uma updates...from my mom and from John...much love to all of you...xo, erik
UPDATE FROM MY MOM:
I spent a few very special hours with Uma today, and it was wonderful to walk in and see such an enormous difference in her since my last visit a week ago. I know she is very frustrated with what must seem like incredibly slow progress to her, but the fact is, she is making dramatic steps forward. When I arrived, she was heartily eating a very boring meal of pureed food. Even though the food wasn't exciting, it must be thrilling to be getting back the capability of eating rather than having liquids poured into you through a stomach tube. And she will probably begin eating solid foods this week, so please visualize her swallowing with no problem and convincing the doctor that the stomach tube can be removed.
I shared a guilty pleasure with Uma today--watching soaps. I got a big smile when I teased her about getting me hooked on soaps. It is so easy to get caught up in the problems of those beautiful people on the screen. They are so beautiful that you can't help but enjoy their suffering. For Uma right now, just watching is part of getting back a sense of normalcy in her life, because she has long been a soap fan. We enjoyed a relaxing hour of TV before the occupational therapist arrived. One of the big focuses today was trying to help Uma strengthen her right arm. She got very frustrated when she was unable to move it, but then the therapist explained that just leaning on her right hand would help strengthen her muscles--that this is a beginning, and many patients in her condition have recovered the use of their arm. Uma seemed to be reassured by that. Her therapy also included a bit of cleaning in the kitchen, and she did a great job scrubbing the countertop. The occupational therapist works on helping Uma function in many practical everyday ways that will help her to be independent when she leaves the hospital. Uma seems to be responding to this therapy very well--a sign of how eager she must be to get home.
Next she spent an hour with the speech therapist, who had her counting and working on pronouncing words. The therapist explained that Uma is probably not able to understand complex sentences right now, but does grasp key words. So we can learn to emphasize the main idea of a sentence and keep it short when we speak to her. She does seem to understand a great deal of what is being said to her. She is also gradually finding more words to express herself, but the inability to put her thoughts into words is probably her biggest frustration right now.
John is keeping a detailed diary of her day-to-day activities and visitors are adding their messages to this journal. It's becoming a beautiful record of her recovery, and it's very helpful when the nurses come in and ask questions about Uma's activities. One nurse today said she's never seen a patient with so many visitors. And all the therapists comment on how incredible John is. He certainly has their attention--they know he's closely monitoring everything that happens, or doesn't happen, and I'm sure that's making a difference in her care.
In the midst of all of the hard work Uma is going through, and all the frustration, there is that beautiful smile. Her sense of humor is very much intact, and what a joy it is to see her face light up when something amuses her. That, more than anything, tells me she is farther along than we can even see. Each day is filled with small steps forward that will all add up to big steps down the line. It is a privilege to be a part of Uma's journey. I so admire her courage.
*
[a note from Erik: When Uma's finally able to use the internet again and she starts reading these updates, she is going to be so pissed that my mom outed her as a soap lover. But then again, I don't think she was ever very good at keeping that info in the closet. So maybe she won't be pissed. Either way, it'll be exciting that she's on the internet away, snooping and such, so I'm cool with her being pissed about the whole "out as a soap lover" thing.] [Also, while we're on the subject of loving soaps, I'll come out of the closet too and admit that Uma got me hooked on One Life to Live. Ohhhh the travails of Todd, Blaire, and Star will never be boring, no matter how many times Todd betrays Blaire and Blaire takes him back again.] [If you're also a closet soap lover--god, that phrase makes it sound like you like soaps that clean closets, not secret lovers of soap operas--anyway--if you're also a secret lover of soap operas, then take comfort in the fact that you're in good company, and next time you watch your soaps, visualize Uma curled up on her couch at home, fully recovered, enjoying those ABC soaps completely openly.]
*
UPDATE FROM JOHN:
hello everyone,
i honestly can't remember the last time i wrote or the
last time i was home. i've been staying at the
hospital over night and, since uma is now becoming
what they call a "fall risk", I've been finding it
difficult to go home.
the work she is doing is really good. she is improving
everyday in every area. today i watched her walk on a
treadmill with help from the therapists - but not very
much help at all. and then she walked back from the
physical therapy gym to her room - about 50 yards -
with her cane and a small brace on her right leg.
she has been eating orally since friday and had had
her tracheostomy "blocked" since monday evening. it
looks good for her to have the feeding tube taken off
late this week and possibly even the trach.
one of the problems with having been around there so
much is that i have, in effect, 'trained' the nurses
to rely on me to do all the transfers to the bathroom,
much of the maintenance of her airway, feeding, and
monitoring her. the other problem is that i'm now
needing to get away to work occasionally and also just
to get away. erik has been great, as usual, in helping
to get me some help during the weekdays and weekends
so that i can leave. but i have a specific request -
monday, april 9th i need to do a job that will take me
away from the hospital from about 3:30pm to 7:30 pm.
is there anyone who can come by then to make sure she
doesn't try to walk away (don't laugh - that's what is
meant by 'fall risk'.....she sometimes just tries to
get up from bed or her wheelchair and walk!)
also- along the lines of specific request - we're
looking now for world class speech and physical
therapists to augment the out-patient program she'll
be on. these specialists can be in the form of
private, in -home workers, or in the form of another
facility here in southern california. what we need
are recommendations from people who've had some direct
or even indirect connection to neurological or
post-stroke rehabilitation. the reason we're looking
for this is that the county system will only give us
so much per day and per patient on these crucial
issues and uma can accelerate much faster in these
areas even now. the work she is doing now is truly
great but we want to let her rebuild herself with no
limits if at all possible. please let me know and i
thank you in advance.
she is very clearly "in" her body - that is ....uma
exists much as she was before. the problem is that her
words don't work. she has aphasia. they are very, very
slowly coming back but the problem is that she still
has an expectation of using language....her
intelligence remains but her words are, for the most
part, gone. each day she seems to be able to follow
more of a conversation and more commands from staff
but she, as yet, can't SAY what she wants at all.
(except for 'i want pizza' which i taught her to say
when my sister sent one to the room. she tasted a bit
of it. funny how that phrase stuck with her so easily)
she can become really frustrated by this...to the
point of tears and real agitation. she can read quite
a bit and organize sentences via reading comprehension
but this has not yet translated into the spoken word
for her.
other parts of her mind seems to work very well.
sometimes something happens with us that is truly
funny - not like a joke or funny sound or accent or
sight gag but just an everyday occurrence .....putting
your arm through the wrong sleeve of a shirt etc. and
she laughs....no cues, no words. two days ago we
played the card game 'war' with the recreational
therapist. basically each player draws a card and who
ever has the highest face value takes the hand. uma
presented as someone with no problems at all. the only
sticking point was when there was a six and a nine
drawn in the same hand......she took a bit to
distinguish the two.
she had a cast on her right arm to reduce spasticity
and this now off. that thing weighed almost as much as
she did! and they've begun again with electrical
stimulation for that arm.
i just keep on it and keep pushing with all the
respect i can. we all get along very well with all the
staff and nurses. pretty soon there isn't going to be
anything for the nurses to do for her anymore. but the
discharge date is somewhat flexible - if she is doing
very well, they might keep her an extra week.
i saw the results of the follow-up ct scan yesterday.
her ventricles are smaller and look more like
ventricle are supposed to now.....sort of butterfly
shaped. they will most likely improve still. she looks
to have had a lessening of swelling and infarction but
these things did take place. techinically, after the
aneurysm, she suffered a stroke.
her character and stamina are amazing given what she
has been through. she really is the strongest person i
know. the challenges ahead for her are monumental. to
hear that she can now walk a bit, or eat some, or talk
some is very encouraging. to see it first hand each
day tells a story of many, many months and even years
before she is done working on this injury. every day
is huge - there's just no way around it. each day is
so large in every possible way for both of us. this is
the highest level of living i've ever experienced and
it can be grueling. it requires a level of stamina i
didn't think existed in me but, somehow, it's there.
i'm just thinking now of how many prayers there have
been from all those different people, many we don't
even know......it helps me to view this, as my father
said to try and do, as a gift. it's hard, believe me,
but i think this is the right path to take. how we
respond to these situations is the key to it all i
think.
i thank you all, in advance, for praying for her mind,
her spirit and her body to heal (a moment of bravery
coming....) COMPLETELY!. keep hoping and loving.
love,
john
ALSO FROM JOHN:
hello again,
forgot to mention the following links again. the first
is erik's blog spot - very nice. lots of pictures and
good perspective on all of this. the second is a place
where you can actually buy a t-shirt or other item
that has different versions of 'team uma' or 'i love
uma' etc. on it. that sight was set up by our friend
michal braun - very nice indeed. (profits go to the
fund for her now and future rehab!)
thank again.
bye
http://myyearofnewthings.blogspot.com/
http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=97704
ALSO:
There's a photo album of all of Uma's hospital photos at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/theumafund/
And if you want to buy crafts made with love for Uma (all proceeds go to fund Uma's rehab):
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5098556
and http://www.teamuma.blogspot.com
Posted by bonnie at 4:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 31, 2007
uma update (via blackberry)
FROM ERIK: I'm forwarding John's latest Uma update...I hope this email finds all of you
happy and healthy and well...Also, below John's update, I'm posting some
updated info about visiting Uma, so please scroll down and read if you're
planning on coming to the hospital for a visit. Thanks and much love to all
of you,
Erik
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: john ballinger
Date: Mar 31, 2007 12:40 PM
Subject: uma 3.31
hi everyone,
i've been at the hospital a lot so have not written.
i'm at home now trying to take a break and recharge. i
can't tell you how great it is to spend the nights
with uma. she slept well last night with few coughing
episodes and i really hope this helps her.
yesterday she had a real-time x-ray swallowing test
which then caused the doctor to change her 'diet' to
eating 3 meals a day or pureed food. she does eat some
of it but it tastes pretty bad for the most part.
whatever percentage she does not eat the nurses
compensate for with the g-tube feeding. the swallow
test revealed that she has some hesitation in
swallowing during which time the food or liquid rest
on the valve leading to her windpipe. the hesitation
is about 3 seconds but she quickly swallows it all
down. seeing this made me realize why they wait to
pull the tracheaostomy. if she were to choke it would
be really bad, bad news. but so far she's had 3 meals
and will have 3 each day from now on, with increasing
textures and solidity.
my perspective on her progress is skewed due to being
there all the time. people who come to see her every
now and then comment very strongly on how well she's
doing and how much she has improved. this is good for
me to hear, because there is really nothing like
seeing the person you love most in the world in this
kind of long-term trouble. i've performed music in
front of thousands of people and under extremely
high-pressure situations on serveral continents on
this planet and there is no comparison to the kind of
pressure i feel with uma's health. i seriously
wouldn't wish this kind of feeling on anyone's worst
enemy - it's a lot to deal with.
to tell you that she gets up from the chair or the bed
or the shower or toilet, that she walks with help from
someone, a cane, and a brace, that she is now eating
and elliminating for the most part on her own, and
that she is beginning to use language again is an
amazing thing to relate but it really doesn't tell the
whole story. in terms of her speech and use of and
memory of language, she is in real trouble right now.
her improvement depends on how well and how much and
how soon she gets great speech therapy. because we
only have four weeks of acute in-patient
rehabilitation and then move to out-patient, we are
all looking into augmenting all of this with private
or 'other facility' help in speech and also physical
rehab. if there is anyone out there who has had any
experience with stroke or aneurysm and private
therapy, please contact me as soon as possible and
tell me what you know. we're going to need a lot of
help here both practically and spiritually. as hard as
any of you have prayed for her to live or come home,
please pray and love her that much again for her
ability to regain that which makes her who she is -
her mind, her memories, her experiences, her ability
to express herself and experience other people's
expressions. those of you who know her know her
sensitivity and intelligence, the depth of her soul
and her 'take-no-prisoners' attitude toward most
things. she fell in love with me hard and completely -
just as i fell in love with her. sometimes it feels
like my entire soul is one expanding and constant
prayer for her. people who visit see her spirit and
personality there, but uma is a person who never was
afraid of the depth of life and meaning. language is
the universal carrier of meaning and, while there are
many ways to communicate, for her, speaking was a true
gift. anyone who has seen her act on stage or listened
to her laugh LOUD about something knows what speaking
means to her. seeing her struggle to find words and
really, truly working hard to reach out to people is
wonderful and heartbreaking. i believe she will regain
much but i know how much help she has gotten from all
of us so far and she will need that again and then
some.
there was a conference yesterday with all of the
doctors and therapists working with uma and myself.
some of the things said there were.....that she will
most likely walk out upon discharge with a brace and
cane....that she will almost definitely have no trach
or g-tube...that she will improve her speech
function.....that she will definitely be recommended
for out-patient rehab there....and that she may stay
longer than four weeks as allotted by the county. to
say that my behavior - the direct questions, the
continous presence - has made an impression on the
whole team is an understatment. the head of
occupational therapy has taken a personal interest in
uma's case and the head neurologist there knows my
music work thru mutual friends who are actors.
everything that can be done for her is, i beleive,
being done at the moment. some days it's just not
enough for me. having every life intention i've ever
had be suddenly taken from me (and her), however
temporary it may be, is an experience that can't
always be helped by the progression of her recovery. i
just have to deal with it and keep trying.
sometimes i feel so bad that i can't think of more
stimulatin things for her to do besides just napping
with her or massaging her or watching her favorite
shows on dvd. this morning, before her first therapy,
i asked her if she wanted to take a 'walk' outside.
she nodded. we got her dressed and into the
wheelchair. i rolled her to the elevator. she has
learned to press the buttons. we went up to the 3rd
floor where there is a large open patio. it was empty
except for us and the cool morning air. as soon as the
automatic doors opened she grabbed the blanket on her
lap and drew it closer to her chest. i picked a spot
and braked the wheelchair. i said, 'we're going to
stand her for awhile, ok?' nod. she stood up with
very, very little help from me and we 'walked' 3 paces
forward, closer to the balcony wall. she put her left
hand on a pillar and stood alone while I reached back
to the wheelchair and got the blanket. i wrapped it
around her shoulders and stood behind her. she studied
the outside with me, both of us standing up. after
awhile i whispered to her that last week she couldn't
stand at all. she nodded. i told her i love her with
my whole soul and hoped she understood at least the
intention of it, and we went back inside.
i hope eveyone is doing well. talk soon.
john
*
Hey everyone...AN UPDATE RE: VISITS TO SEE UMA:
Uma has been getting lots of visitors, which is wonderful, but it's also
kind of exhausting for her. She tries to be "on" for her visitors--to
listen, to interact--and after a long day of therapy, she can get pretty
wiped out after just a couple visits with friends. We're also finding that
since she's started to speak, she's getting increasingly frustrated at her
own inability to make sense of words, and that can make her uncomfortable.
So we've been doing some brainstorming and we think it would be best to put
together some sort of calendar/sign-up list for visitors, so that Uma
doesn't feel so overwhelmed, and to help ensure that you have a quality time
with Uma when you come. So if you'd like to visit, please come! Just email
me first and let me know when you'd like to see her--if it looks like that
day already has several visitors, we'll find another time that works for you
and for Uma.
A couple of other things to remember:
--The best time to visit is between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m.
--Short visits are best--20 minutes or so--because Uma gets tired very
quickly.
--Silence is okay, you don't have to feel the need to fill every moment with
talk. Uma is happy to see friendly faces and sometimes it's nice to just sit
together and "hang."
Thanks for understanding all of these "rules." We're figuring out what's
best for Uma on a day-by-day basis, taking cues from her. We just want her
to be as comfortable as possible, and to help her get what she wants and
needs. Thank you for your love and support!
Please email me at dimsumday@gmail.com to sign up for a visiting time. If
you could put the word "visit" in the subject line, that would help me keep
the emails straight. I'm slightly overwhelmed with emails, so I apologize if
you've emailed me and I haven't replied yet--but if you put "visit" in your
subject line, that will help me keep these emails separate and I will reply
asap! Thank you...
much love,
erik
Posted by bonnie at 5:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
uma update (via blackberry)
FROM ERIK: I'm forwarding John's latest Uma update...I hope this email finds all of you
happy and healthy and well...Also, below John's update, I'm posting some
updated info about visiting Uma, so please scroll down and read if you're
planning on coming to the hospital for a visit. Thanks and much love to all
of you,
Erik
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: john ballinger
Date: Mar 31, 2007 12:40 PM
Subject: uma 3.31
hi everyone,
i've been at the hospital a lot so have not written.
i'm at home now trying to take a break and recharge. i
can't tell you how great it is to spend the nights
with uma. she slept well last night with few coughing
episodes and i really hope this helps her.
yesterday she had a real-time x-ray swallowing test
which then caused the doctor to change her 'diet' to
eating 3 meals a day or pureed food. she does eat some
of it but it tastes pretty bad for the most part.
whatever percentage she does not eat the nurses
compensate for with the g-tube feeding. the swallow
test revealed that she has some hesitation in
swallowing during which time the food or liquid rest
on the valve leading to her windpipe. the hesitation
is about 3 seconds but she quickly swallows it all
down. seeing this made me realize why they wait to
pull the tracheaostomy. if she were to choke it would
be really bad, bad news. but so far she's had 3 meals
and will have 3 each day from now on, with increasing
textures and solidity.
my perspective on her progress is skewed due to being
there all the time. people who come to see her every
now and then comment very strongly on how well she's
doing and how much she has improved. this is good for
me