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May 7, 2008

Experiment: Day Three

I remember my mom having said to me--when I was in a situation where someone in our family owed me some money and was treating me very unfairly--that I should just let it go and consider it "a two hundred dollar lesson."

Whenever Keith finds himself in a similar position, needing to counsel me about the fiery passion I feel for fairness and my overwhelmingly logical approach to most conflict, he'll say, "it's a two hundred dollar lesson, honey."

And what that means is that there is a point at which my energy, my spirit, my soul is worth far more than what I would gain, were I to fight for what is "right."

Cut to: We're in a situation now where a "friend" is fucking Keith over. And not for a small amount of money. And while I can line-by-line choreograph the truths that would have us winning this fight in any court, should it ever come to that, I hear my mom's words. I hear Keith reminding me of my mom's words. I remember that as "right" as we are sometimes, it's just not worth the bother.

And getting to have those thousands of dollars may feel satisfying in the short term, but releasing ourselves of the need to fight--putting down the rope in the tug-of-war contest and just walking away--might actually be more liberating, more grace-filled, more important in the long run than "winning" right now. And, hey, we've learned the lesson. We were never "friends" in the first place, really. You got the money... and it cost you a friendship. And you fuckers get to live with that.

*sigh*

But if I'm truly grace-filled, I don't ever get to those last couple of sentences. I just realize it's not worth the fight. It's not worth the stress. I live in such a state of abundance that it's not even worth worrying about the money part of it at all. Just take the lesson and move on. Let it go.

So, I guess the fact that I do get to that "brat" state from which I lash out at them and know I will never look at them the same way proves that I do have an ego. But the fact that I have chosen to put down the rope and walk away proves that I don't have as big an investment in "being right" as I used to. And that's progress.

Day Three:

I am grateful for perspective.

(What is the Experiment? It is this.)

Posted by bonnie at May 7, 2008 4:59 PM

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