October 23, 2003
I buy lottery tickets. And every time I check the numbers, I'm sure I'll win something. Every time.
I laugh at myself, realizing this is just a very silly little ritual that will only ever entertain me for the moment and only maybe pay me back a third of what I put out.
And then I remember my mother.
Momma always entered Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. I remember her pulling out that sheet of little stamps and meticulously going over every little rule and regulation printed in six-point font in the mailer. She would affix the bonus stamp. She would attach the sticker that best represented the color of the new car she'd like to see them drive up to her front door in. And she would always say a little blessing for prosperity before putting the entry in the mail.
And then we'd wait.
Mom would always have the date of the big prize delivery noted on her calendar. She would spend the six weeks between mailing the entry and the date of the big surprise the winner on-camera moment calculating how much money she would give to Silent Unity, how much she would give to her siblings, and how much she would give to her kids.
I remember riding around in her 1979 silver Monte Carlo, planning and plotting the investments, the frivolous expenditures, the breathing room we'd give ourselves and our loved ones with those millions.
And every single "big day" that rolled around, Mom would put on her makeup, do her hair, and dress a little nicer so that she wouldn't "look like the boogey man" on television when the Prize Patrol showed up.
It's not just that moment while the numbers are being pulled that I get my dollar's worth when I play the lottery. It's all of the moments between buying that ticket and knowing the outcome of the drawing: those moments when I'm wealthy enough to take care of everyone I love and never have to worry about being a burden to anyone now or in the future. In those moments I spend, invest, and rescue like Mom would've done, had she ever won anything.
My epiphany of the night: I live my life like an interviewer on the red carpet. I'm listening to you. I'm asking (somewhat) intelligent questions. I'm right there with you. But I'm constantly looking just over your shoulder, in case someone better is coming up the path. Now, that's deep. [from DeadLaszlo's Oscar Wrap Edition, 2001]
Posted by bonnie at 2:23 AM
October 20, 2003
This and That
If you're local (or visiting... amazingly, many-a-folk is visiting Los Angeles this week or next), come to the book's party on Friday. Woo hoo!
The car, it seems, has been sitting at the body shop for just shy of a week now. JUST. SITTING. Finally today got the go-ahead to do the tear-down that they TOLD US they'd done on Tuesday. Grr. Grr. Grr.
Hearing good feedback about the book. No major snafu pointed out just yet. One typo I found, but not a biggie. Those of you who tuned in for the Casting Qs release recall the fun chapter in which I renamed a casting director 18 times (over half of the interview itself).
Looking forward to the party Friday. Very. That is all.
Posted by bonnie at 11:29 AM
October 15, 2003
Wow. I love it. Love it, love it LOVE IT.
(Get well soon, TicTac... it's been a hard few months, eh?*)
*=Details to come. Don't want to muddy up the Happy Book Day post. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
Posted by bonnie at 1:56 PM
October 12, 2003
Today is our second Nonaversary. We decided last year's was the first and--since we created the holiday to begin with--we get to decide the rules on numbering, celebratory activities, and appropriate gifts.
We will go to paint pottery today. Then lunch at a favorite spot. We started the day with a nice walk. We will end the day with some sort of sex, of course.
Still very very very happy to be unemployed. Or... as I keep saying, "I'm so glad to have my life back!" So, I'm surprised I hadn't imploded during those hideous weeks. I don't remember being so happy and unafraid.
The Book should arrive Tuesday. I'm so very excited. I truly think this book is better than the last (and there's certainly more broadly-accessible information in it) and its pre-sales have shown that I'm not alone in that opinion, though I can't imagine how anyone outside of me and the half-dozen people who've read the dang thing so far could truly KNOW that opinion to be true.
Eh, whatever. I'm just so very happy it's on its way!
Spent my first day of unemployment redesigning the site. Feedback welcome. Also vacuumed, dusted, changed sheets, washed and folded clothes and towels, brushed the cats, organzied a few zillion things that had been piling up due to lack of time to focus on anything other than the evil job, and watched a few cool TV things. A great day.
Congrats to uncle reverend big Mike for the new baby in the family. And Chip, I'm trying not to be really really jealous that you've seen Sir Robyn Hitchcock and REM in the past couple of days.
Ah... have I mentioned how blissfully happy I am? Time for a shower. Then maybe a nap. Just 'cause I can! Ciao!
Posted by bonnie at 8:19 AM
October 11, 2003
Y'know what's fun? Quitting the job you hate.
Ah... yes. That's a lot of fun.
Posted by bonnie at 6:32 AM
October 10, 2003
Ahh... Something Useful
See? There is something wonderful about being up at odd hours and not turning the TV (or the lights) on. Reading SpyNotebook Blogs, I learn a lot.
Such as my alcohoroscope. Hee hee. From the page: ...in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated).
Hee hee hee again. I really should try to get a nap before work. Hee hee.
Posted by bonnie at 5:09 AM
Up at Odd Hours
Must be time to be done with the job. I'm back to my insomniatical ways. Past few nights, despite long, long days at the office with no day off for weeks and weeks, I've been *blink* *blink* *blink* wide awake at 3am or so. I guess my body just doesn't need/want more than a few hours of sleep. Except for when it does... and then I'm in hibernation mode. That's fun too.
I so love October. Always.
Man... I thought I had something to say. I guess not. Hm.
Posted by bonnie at 4:51 AM
October 3, 2003
I got this absentee ballot so that I could easily determine my votes prior to Tuesday and get everything all turned in way in advance. So much reading!
Yeah... haven't done that yet. Anyone wanna give me a list of how to vote? Is there just a box for NO?
Posted by bonnie at 7:30 AM
Stop the Bitching!
I realize that I have turned my blogs into a "bitch book." I used to keep a "bitch book" when I was in grad school. I'd learned that, if I had something negative to say, pulling out my little journal and writing up a storm could diffuse the emotions and let me quickly move on. Eventually, I realized I was only pulling out the "bitch book" to make a quick list of things to buy at the market and tearing out pages to leave notes for people while out and about or somesuch. So, I threw the "bitch book" into a drawer and haven't kept one since 1999.
I think I need a "bitch book" again.
I don't want all of these vents about work and people and my crazy schedule to be my journal. I need a more temporary record-keeping manner of getting these things "out" so that I can rededicate my journal(s) to counting my blessings. There are plenty of those. Plenty.
I do love my life. It's wonderful.
Posted by bonnie at 5:05 AM
October 2, 2003
Effin' Exclusive Bee Ess
So today at work it was established that there is, in fact, a Paradise Hotel wrap/cast party. Yeah... tonight (okay, just a few hours ago really) and with no one from casting invited other than the head honchos (from whom I've learned oh-so-much about how NOT to run a business recently).
Here's my thing: when I'm head honcho, I invite my underlings to the über-cool happenings. And we're partners; not boss and underling. Yesterday bossy lady number one said, when we were all (including her) listing office supplies we need, "Uh! I'm not an order-taker!" Of course, the cool-ass PA came around the corner right after that and said, "Yeah. She's not an order-taker. That'd be ME."
I realize there's a difference between me and the class of people--and I had this issue back when I was pet-sitting at very wealthy people's homes a couple of years ago--who see everyone else on the planet as servants of some sort. I don't need someone to schlep my crap around. I don't need someone to order my lunch. And I certainly don't need someone else to make sure I get my life taken care of. When I do have an assistant--like I do right now on this job--I say things like, "Would you take a sick day? You're working too much."
Maybe that's why I still buy lottery tickets and roll coins to make rent payments.
Whatever. I like me better. That has to count for something.
Posted by bonnie at 12:35 AM