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September 19, 2005
LOST--What's in the Hatch?
Spied on the Internet (not written by me--a casting director friend came up with it). Enjoy!
DOWN THE HATCH!--by Mark Sikes
The suspense will be over in a couple of days when the new season of "Lost" begins, but I thought I would take this final opportunity to ponder this summer's greatest mystery. Not since J.R. was shot have TV audiences had a better cliffhanger. Below are a few of my best, and perhaps silliest, theories about whom, or what, is down the hatch!
Theory #1: A top-secret PETA rescue facility. Explains the polar bear. Also opens this season up to lots of lab monkeys! Who wouldn't buy a "Lost" lab monkey plush toy?!
Theory #2: Al Capone's long-lost loot. Look for Geraldo to make an "I told ya so" cameo by episode three.
Theory #3: Richard Hatch. The naked "Survivor" guy, not the "Battlestar Galactica" guy. This theory isn't as far-fetched as you might think for a couple of reasons. One, he's been in the jungle before and the way these castaways got along in season one, they could use someone with better leadership skills. And second, his name is Hatch. Get it? A hatch that leads to... a Hatch! This show is not above a little wordplay, trust me.
Theory #4: Corey Feldman's acting career. This one has legs. Where else could it be?
Theory #5: President Bush's plan for relief for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Okay, it's unlikely that ABC will want to hop on such a political powder keg, but like Feldman's career, where else could it be?
Theory #6: The co-pilot of Oceanic Flight 815! Hey, if your last flight was 1000 miles off course you'd hide down a hatch for months, too!
Theory #7: The Count from "Sesame Street." This would help ABC attract a younger audience. Besides, who else is going to explain those creepy numbers?
Theory #8: All of Charlie Sheen's ex-girlfriends. Okay, it would have to be a really big room down there, but wouldn't the island be more fun with thousands of strippers and playmates or is that just me?
Theory #9: Patrick Duffy taking a shower. Season one was all a dream.
Theory #10: All the scripts for "Lost" season two. Putting them in the hatch is the only way to keep them off the internet.
Posted by bonnie at September 19, 2005 04:54 AM
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