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September 14, 2008

I don't care about your politics.


Stop subjecting me to it.

Let me clarify.

Stop subjecting me to it in places I don't expect to find it, places I don't visit to find it. If you're politically passionate and I know that about you, I'm probably not visiting your blog (or MySpace page or Twitter stream or whatever) right now because I really just don't give a shit how you feel about anything political and since that's all you can seem to talk about right now, I'll just avoid places where that's gonna happen. No prob.

We can live in peace while you go on and on and on about the importance of whatever issue and I ignore your incessant ramblings. We'll reconnect when you've gotten it out of your system. Great.

But when you come in to my email world and blast me with "sign this petition" and "forward this email" and "raise money for this cause" and "boycott this product" and on and on and on, I am seriously ready to warn you: I've reached a breaking point and am considering doing bodily harm to you. Or at least making a voodoo doll of you and poking it. A lot.

BONUS: When you blast these emails to everyone in your address book and don't bother to BCC the list. This means that every flippin' one of the sometimes 1000+ people you've emailed all at once now has 1000+ new email addresses in front of 'em, and while I'm sure your friends are all very nice people, I get enough fucking email every day as it is. I do NOT want some fuckwit in Wisconsin hitting "reply to all" on your gawtdam email about your political passion, continuing the debate "in public."

Look, I don't mind debates.
I don't mind passionate people.
And if I see you in person and we want to talk politics, you bet, I'll have at it.

But I never provided my email address to anyone (not a family member, not a friend, not a co-worker, not an actor, not ANYONE) in order to receive BLASTS about how YOU FEEL about politics. Nope. Didn't sign up for it. I'm opting out of all your bullshit emails. All of them. Yep. You send me bullcrap about your political agenda--even if I agree with it 100%--and you're done sending me email. Period. New mail rule: Straight to trash, unread.

I can avoid blogs and MySpace pages and Twitter streams when I don't want to be subjected to political whatnot. But when you come into MY SPACE and blast your agenda, uninvited, it's the same thing as if you called me on the phone and read from a script about the damn issue. I'd hang up on you and block your number. So, I'm doing that online now.

I remember thinking others should absolutely care about my political opinions. The very first election in which I was old enough to vote, I got so involved that I wrote up a 14-page bullet-point list of why I was voting the way I was voting and actually sent it to my "other party" best friend and to my "other party" cousin. I thought it was awesome that I was so passionate and informed and involved at such a young age. And shouldn't they want to see that?

Nope. I'm surprised they bothered to speak with me after that.

Look, wear your campaign button. Put your campaign bumper sticker on your car. Put your campaign sign up in your front yard. Go to rallies where you can gather with others who want to yell and stand together and debate and cheer and whatever else. And when I want to do those things, I will do them too.

YES, I am very, very, very passionate about issues I feel strongly about and YES, I am very, very, very opinionated about how I'm gonna vote and why.

Here's the difference between me and all of these simps who keep blasting the emails: I don't give a CRAP how you vote or how you feel about the issues that are important to you. Now, let me qualify that.

I absolutely, sometimes, give a very big crap about how you feel and will engage you in conversation about that when so inspired. I may even visit your blog or MySpace page or Twitter stream now and then--when I'm in the mood to consume such stuff--to see how you're feeling about any one particular political issue.

But I'm not likely to engage in debate with you unless we're out together in person, sipping cocktails and having an intelligent, inspired, passionate conversation about our positions.

I do not log in to my email accounts to read a BLAST of your opinions. I don't fucking care. I didn't sign up for your "opinion emails." And I'm certainly not going to change my political views just because you're obsessed with blasting me about yours.

Just like none of the 50,000 weekly readers of my column visit to find out what I think about the upcoming elections (and duh, could you possibly know me and have read anything I've ever written ever and not figure my political leanings out? Duh), I didn't share my email address with you so that you could cram your political opinions down my throat.

I don't care about your politics.

One person actually asked me what extreme thing (from a list of things) she should do in the name of raising funds for her favorite issue.

My response?

"I'll donate money to your cause if you promise to shut the fuck up about it forever and ever."

That's more extreme than any tattoo-getting, head-shaving, or Peace Corps-joining any day.

(And I know it's futile to rant about how forward people want to be about sharing their political opinions. They're gonna keep doing it. They can't help it. And it's their right to do so. But dammit, now I have a link to send the assholes who think I invited their bullshit into my inbox, the next time it happens. Which I anticipate to be any minute now. The stream is endless, it seems. *sigh* So, you got an email from me in reply to an issue-laden email blast I never signed up for in which there was a link to this blog post? Great. Now you know. I'll never see any of your emails again. The "straight to trash" rule has been applied to your email address. Congrats!)

Posted by bonnie at September 14, 2008 12:17 PM


Ha! I loved this one.

Posted by: steveintx at September 17, 2008 4:43 PM

Thanks, Steve! :)

Posted by: Bon at September 19, 2008 1:19 PM

I just came across your blog and . . . you had me at "I don't care about your politics." (Actually you may have had me before I read this post, but this one sealed the deal.) This post is great! I will be quoting it frequently, since I think other people's passions about politics are a giant freakin' waste of my valuable time! I would offer to link to this post in my email responses to such blasts, but then I wonder . . . does Bonnie really want these kind of annoying political people coming her way? Maybe I'll just give you and your URL credit. Anyway, thank you for this post and for your other excellent writing. (And a special mention to the satisfying but not overpowering dash of snark you employ from time to time.) Best, Steve

Posted by: Steve W. at September 23, 2008 6:55 AM

appreciation you, lessen position, added to favorites.

Posted by: qoaifuhe pornet at December 22, 2008 8:49 PM

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